(Trigger Warning!!!) To think labour pain is not respected by healthcare professionals?

[Goldfishshoals]

Warning: you probably don't want to read this if pregnant/about to give birth!

Three weeks ago I gave birth. I had back labour - truly agonising. The pains started on Friday, but because they were about five-six minutes apart they were arbitrarily considered 'pre-labour' rather than actual labour (despite hurting as much as 'real' labour pains). They continued like that for four days, in which time I obviously got no sleep. I called the midwife for help several times and was fobbed off with 'take paracetamol', which unsurprisingly did bugger all for the intense stabbing sensation in my back every contraction. After one call in which I cried they let me come in (30 mins car ride there and back in pain!) and have a single dose of coedine (barely took the edge off) before sending me home.

On Tuesday my waters broke so I was finally allowed in the hospital for monitoring - I pretty much immediately begged for pain relief. 'of course you can have some!' said the midwife breezily before buggering off for fifteen minutes leaving me in pain. Then she came back and said she just had to ask a few questions then 'we'd see' about getting me some pain relief... I did eventually get given some gas and air.

My contractions never became more frequent on their own and eventually I ended up being induced with epidural - which wore off just in time for me to be fully dialated. First they said they'd get me more - then they said it was too late and gave me gas and air - which they took off me again when it was time for pushing. I begged for pain relief (for anything!) and was ignored. I struggled to push but the pain was overwhelming and stopped me being able to push fully. Baby eventually delivered with forceps, and episiotomy which I could barely feel in contrast to the agony I had been in.

I had third degree tear which needed stitching, and suddenly everything changed. I had an anaesthesitist numb me fully, and keep checking my pain levels for the theatre, I had a few days in hospital with three types of pain relief thrown at me, and I was sent home with boxes of unnecessary coedine etc, for the incredibly minor soreness of the stitches.

When I compare other hospital visits (for being run over by a car as a teen, and a more recent dvt) it's a similar story. My pain was taken a lot more seriously and I was given better pain relief much more quickly, despite them not being nearly as painful as my back labour.

I realise not everyone has back labour, and some people have much less painful births (lucky cows) but surely having high levels of pain isn't that unique? So why wasn't it treated seriously? The only thing I can think of is that labour pain just isn't respected. Aibu to think this?

Couldn't agree more batteries.

YY batteries.

Far too many people, mentioning no names in this thread, like to push the undoubted fact that women who attempt homebirth and birth centre birth have higher satisfaction ratings on average than women who go for hospital birth. Even when the planned OOH birth doesn't happen. And to argue that this means women generally are happier giving birth OOH where possible.

However, that argument ignores the fact that women choosing to attempt OOH birth are a small, self-selecting minority who clearly have particular views about the priority they place on pharmaceutical pain relief. Put bluntly, if you want to give birth at home or in a birth centre, an epidural is clearly not a priority for you. And those views cannot be assumed to be representative of the rest of the birthing population, or even just of low risk women generally.

batteries - agree totally with you. my issue with my first 2 births was the lack of intervention - i wanted more pain relief not less. Birthing at home may be fine for women with small babies and little heads, but there's no way it would have helped for me.

I can remember hearing a screaming noise at one stage and the midwife asking me not to scream as it might scare the people in the other wards and i knew i hadnt a hope in hells chance of being quiet. How would be at home help this level of pain?

Its interesting to read this thread in contrast to stuff elsewhere that claims that birth in this country is way too over medicalised and we should be listening to our bodies more etc.

With my DS I was determined to have a 'natural' birth after a very 'medicalised' first birth with DD. I was in the MLU, in the water, was progressing nicely and i was all empowered and ready to do it all the way nature intended. Then suddenly everything stopped, contractions, dialating everything. I was so pissed off, I just thought 'fuck this shit' and went all in with morphine, epidural and he ended up getting forceped out like his sister. Maybe i could have faced the 'challenge' a bit more head on, but i was exhausted, raging that it had gone pear shaped again and i just couldn't be arsed!

I have to say though, i was pretty happy with the level of pain relief offered, although some of it took them a while to sort out. In fact during my looooong labour with DD (where i had the entire all you can eat buffet of pain relief at various points) all i could think about for hours was how women years ago or in underdeveloped countries did this with no pain relief.

Hi minifingerz, I agree with your points about a lot of hospital environments. In my situation, my location wouldn't have made any difference, but I also didn't have the awful labour ward experience a lot of women have had.

I had my lovely midwife for the majority of my labour. Following the standard in the country I live we stayed at home as long as possible and my midwife came to the house. I'd known her for over a year at the time (she'd looked after me previously) We transferred to hospital when I said I wanted to have pain relief available as an option.

At our local hospital the labour ward is all private rooms, with adjustable lighting (so kept low), every one equipped with birthing pools and room to walk or stand if that's what suits. I had my midwife for the majority of the labour, but due to how long it took for safety reasons she very apologetically had to get a colleague to take over (didn't really want a sleep deprived midwife!) Stand in midwife was also lovely.

No interventions without explanation/permission given. Medical staff were all lovely. Introduced themselves, explained what they felt was necessary, asked permission if they had a student with them.

Simple fact is due to DS turning back to back at the start of labour and what later turned out to be an infection, I needed a lot of intervention. Completely unpredictable situation (DS had been in a perfect position for labour when I had a scan a couple of days before so there were no concerns that there could be problems). My location made no difference to what happened, but it did mean I could get pain relief, a c-section and afterwards a lot of antibiotics without any additional stress.

Sorry this is a bit off subject from the original point of birth pain/trauma not being taken seriously, but it's quite cathartic to be able to talk about it (type about it). I guess what I'm saying is that it's not impossible to have an environment suited for giving birth in, while also having pain relief and operating theatres close to hand. I'd chosen hospital over birthing centre because I felt safer and as it turned out it was the safest place for me.

I think the issue of providing the right environment for women is tied to the issue of taking pain and trauma seriously. Even in a good environment and well looked after I've been left traumatised (not helped by issue on the post-natal ward causing a lot of upset). Sorry for the long moan!

Exactly why I'll be having another elcs when the time comes. Was asked by someone if I didn't 'want to do it properly' next time. What? Have my bits shredded and be denied pain relief? Fuck that. My elcs was the best day of my life.

Re pain and nurses generally

One of my friends is a nurse , lovely woman, but in the past has been very dismissive of pain and symptoms

So very much of the school of thought that person A doesnt find their broken toe that painful so person B shouldnt or person A hasnt gained weight on that medication so person B shouldnt

Which always seemed strange to me as , logically, people must feel all sorts of things differently and symptoms must also present atypically in some people

This all changed when she started training to perscribe and she is very much on the other side now. So from my very very small pot of experience could it be partly down to the training especially as old school nurses do seem a bit more 'get on with it'

Our community midwives were all nice enough but I also didn't come across a single caring midwife in hospital and I was on antenatal and postnatal for a total of 18 days!

Bear2014, that's my experience too. Lovely community MWs antenatally and postnatally but I cannot think of one kind, compassionate or caring MW during my stay on antenatal and postnatal wards, and a couple of examples of downright horrible ones (I had it written on my birth plan second time round that if one particular MW was on shift should I have to transfer to hospital, I did not want to see her due to the suffering she caused me during my first birth).

My community midwives were not great, no help for spd and had a go about dd losing weight - nothing extreme btw - because they "don't expect weight loss in artificially fed babies"

Exactly dreaming - I might want to be at home if at all possible, you might want pain relief if at all possible - it's not appropriate to say one is right or wrong. I guess this is where the 'labour isn't "bad pain"' thing comes in. With a broken leg, there is a set procedure to follow, I don't know what it is but I can't imagine it changes much between patients. Attempting to impose a set approach onto birth as per usual medical standards is bound to leave someone feeling not listened to. But the very fact that it's not comparable to a car accident is why more trust should be put in the patient to know what they need - not less!!

Pain can be massively personal and differ.

I had ibrufen after DD's Caesarian and was fine. Yet I had a a cervical stitch (day op done with epidural) a month back and I'm still on heavy duty oramorph.

I don't know how much was luck, how much high pain threshold, how much was being prepared/ well read in advance but I managed to have two lovely, calm water births in the MLU for mine.

I spentbthevlastvtrimester doing everything I could to get the babies in position (both transverse lie for ages, and I was petrified of back to back so did a lot of spinning babies moves and stuff).

In the event I laboured at home until 5/6cm then mlu, straight in pool, had baby, got sewn up for 2/3 degree tear then home again within 4h. It does happen.
Lovely midwifes both times, although for my second didn't see much of her until I was crowning. (I think it was a busy night and she had quite a few women in her care).

Not sure about the standard of sewing second time round though - I am genuinely scared to have sex now

adiogo

In my case the midwives cut me into my sphincter and then snapped the cord trying to pull the placenta out. Which is what led to the further elcs

So probably unlucky, as throughout the birth i made no noise (and left hospital after cs with only paracetamol the next day) and was wellread and prepared

Like you say lovely midwives....personality wise

adagio its lovely to read that some people do have a good experience. But I would say that I was obsessively well read and well prepared, and I have a very high pain threshold. I spent hours and hours trying to get the girls into a good position, I did 2 lots of antenatal classes and what happened to me was not because I have a low pain threshold or because I wasn't prepared, or because of anything that I did wrong. And while I am sure you didn't mean it, there is just that little undertone of judginess that is the root of a lot of this I think - "if she had done hypnobirthing/massaged her perineum with unicorn tears/visualised her vagina opening up like a flower/ really wanted a vaginal delivery/ put her baby's needs before her own/ had a different blend of aromatherapy oils......then things would have been different"

Some of us were well cared for....some were not. Some had easy births....some did not. Some have a positive feeling about their births....some don't. And it's not any of our faults.

All mums do their best, and nobody in the whole world is as invested in the health of a baby than its mother.

Crikey rufus that sounds brutal!

This difference is the only painkillers that would work on the prostoglandins causing the pain would stop labour alltogether. That's why an epidural is the only complete pain relief available because it blocks the nerves but not the function of birth!

I really believe pain threshold is an unhelpful concept. People experience different amounts of pain, it is not related to how well they are 'tolerating' the pain. It seems to imply a sense of moral worth to say that you have a high pain threshold.

There's so much we aren't told before labour which would help during labour. Hell I didn't find out my first labour was back to back till my VBAC pressure session when we went through the notes. Could more have been done to manage my pain if I'd been told DD was back to back? Certainly. It's like the MWs see it every day so they just see another woman in labour. You aren't treated as an individual. My contractions were close together, relentless, so agonising I was constantly puking yet getting no further cm dialated so I wasn't taken seriously. Like you can only be considered in pain if you're 4cm dilated or more.

I imagine everyone feels contractions differently possibly?

I've only had one natural full term labour but I have friends who have had completely different levels of pains depending on which labour it was.

Yanbu.
My first labour and delivery was like so many of these, and can't actually face writing it all down atm
But yes, I think it comes down to misogyny and female midwives are just as guilty.

Congratulations on your new baby OP
My experience was very similar to yours. I had back labour and was refused all pain relief apart from paracetamol which I promptly threw up.
They told me to pull myself together and refused to come and see me anymore as I was disturbing the other women in triage!
I ended up delivering her on my own in agony while DH watched helplessly. They only bothered to come when he told them the head was out.
You wouldn't treat an animal the same way as I was treated and it sadly seems all too common now leading to women who are traumatised after the birth which may contribute to PND.
I think the treatment of women is absolutely shocking and am unsure why there is so much emphasis on having a natural birth ignoring the wishes of women who clearly know how much pain they're in.
I hope you are recovering and are not too scarred by your experience.

I can't help but think that it's all about cost saving.

I had both of my babies in a private maternity ward in London and was never denied a thing. I wasn't made to feel like a burden and had a member of staff there the entire time. That's the only difference I can see between my births and all the ones I've read about here ( to you all, so extremely sad and unfair how you've been treated) - we were paying for everything, so nothing was to much trouble. It's so sad though - treating people in a caring, compassionate manner is free.

I don't think it's about cost saving. As a midwife it never crosses my mind how much a woman's birth may cost....we don't get put under pressure to reduce costs.