Should my DH high salary exclude him from doing jobs at home

[Shout]

I am at stay at home home Mum with 2 DS my husband has quite an important job and his salary reflects it. Everytime he has to work weekends or evenings he says that is what I am being paid for.

My biggest grip is that he is getting lazier around the house, meal plates left at the table coke cans around the house, cuff links ties left out and gets more out,gets changed from work, suit and dirty washing left on bed for me to clear wet towels ,floor. The kids get 10 mins of play fighting then he watches his programs/or is on the computer.If he doesn't want to do anything he just ignores it or says its not a problem eg tyres are not flat, toilet isn't blocked!

When ever I get cross that he doesn't do his fair share he says in a jokey mannner but I get paid so much.
I asked him several times to make an appointment to discuss situation he kept avoiding it, I wrote him a letter explaining how I felt, it took him 3 days to get round to reading it and never responded.

I am back to comfort eating putting on weight and feeling crap about myself, hence all physical contact is virtually non exsistent.

Any advise out there?

OMG how stupid am I I swap blow jobs to get mine to help out

"I WANT my son to know that it was mummy who wiped his beautiful little bottom and was with him day and night when he needed me most, the first few most formative years of his life, not a paid stranger. I didn't have him so that I could hand him over to a paid servant."

Oh please... do you not see that anyone can wipe his arse and it isn't going to make a blind bit of difference to HIM. It obviously matters to you, but not to him. I don't have any recollection of my arse being wiped, but no doubt some did wipe it for me many time. Probably my mum, possibly babysitters sometimes, probably not my victorian Dad.

The tone of your post is most certainly one of SAHM superiority. And I still take offense to the use of the word "stranger".

< opens door and peers round>
Oh no another argy bargy. It's too early for this.

I agree with you eleusis, particularly your last post. Although I am fairly sure that my Dad did change a few nappies so he was obviously a progressive. I do think a lot of the SAHMs have it in for Xenia a bit and automatically dismiss everything she says when some of it might actually make sense.

The only person I trust to do what I am good at doing with ds is my husband, unfortunately he doesn't have breasts

If you trust a non-parent enough {is this a better, less offensive term ?) then that is fine too. You are very lucky indeed.

bozza - a lot of what SAHM's including myself have to say makes sense too. It depends on who is reading it !

Oh I am much better at loads of parenting stuff than DH. He is better than me at one or two things. I mean this seriously. And other people are good at certain things with the children.

Oh yellowrose I agree. I agree with some of what you say and some of what Xenia says. But that is me stuck in the halfway house of working part time. So yes I have wiped the bottoms of both my children more often than anyone else, but the "paid strangers" (think that one is going to haunt you ) have also had the joy. I have wiped the bottoms of quite a few of my chidren's friends also as it happens including the ones with SAHMs!

xenia i find your posts personally insulting and acctually feel rather sorry for your children if you do not enjoy spending more than 2hrs a day with them!

i am a SAHM with 2 dcs, age 2 and 18 weeks. i will be going to uni after my dcs go to school and then heading for a higher flying career as they get older and have more input from the outside world.

for now, i want to be the one wiping my childrens bums, cleaning up after them if they are ill, making their meals, cleaning their rooms. it's what being a mum is about.

there is no way we could afford a cleaner/nanny/any other paid person. to come into our house as my dh only earns £14k a year. but even if we could afford it, i don't think i would like it. my job as a mother is to be here 24/7 for my children. as is dh if it is required. when i was suffering badly from PND dh had to leave his job and come home to sort the children out as i was incapable. this is what we do, we are parents not people with children.

when my dcs are older i want them to remember me being home, having fun, making cakes, painting. not me coming home in the evening just as they go to bed and sometimes at the weekend. i am proud to call myself a SAHM!

Eleusis - childcare is not just about wiping bottoms.

No - don't worry it won't haunt me - I don't actually regret saying it and don't feel I should apologise for anything I have said on this thread.

As a mother with a child at school and a 2yo I think some of you have rose coloured specs on about what happens when they turn 5. It does not get much easier. They have long holidays, reading books, spellings, football practice, swimming lessons, want friends for tea. I am struggling more now to fit it all in than I ever was when they were both at nursery. Although I am hoping that when DD is at school also that will make life a bit easier.

good for you stacey

I still don't see anything wrong with it either.

Paid strangers have looked after my kids at certain times, and have done it very well - probably much better than the pay they got for it tbh.

Eleusis, the child might not care who has wiped his bottom when he's older, but he cares now. I think it's very dismissive to imply that YR should just hand her kid over to anyone to wipe his arse.

D'you see how I've unreasonably over-interpreted your comment?

bozza - you are right it doesn't get easier. My sister has 3 children, 2 teenagers and a toddler. I have seen enough to realise that !

Oh it was so much easier pre-school.

I hate all this bloody reading and homework.

GO STACEY VERY PROUD OF YOU[GRIN] I AGREE WITH YOU, THATS WHAT I THINK MY ROLE AS A PARENT & SAHM SHOULD BE. SORRY FOR THE CAPS[WINK]

Caligula - good morning - must go and put clean nappy on ds - will be back later

What I was trying to say is that a lot of people are saying that they are going to be a SAHM for 5 years (fair enough) but then seem to assume that they will just jump into a highflying career. If you can manage that you will be both unusual and lucky.

bozza i wasnt saying i would be able to jump into a high flying career while they were at school, i will still need to train. but as they get older (i mean teenage+) i will be able to aim higher, as when my daughter is 16 i will only be 33 so not exactly old in anyones eyes!!

True I like to think of 33 as not being old (being of that age myself ). I was only partially directing my comments at you stacy because other people have made similar comments further down the thread. I work part time, 3 days a week, and I have found a greater call on my time with the children on those days since DS started school than before - I have even changed my hours (going in earlier) in order to be able to fit everything in, in the evening rather than it just be eating, homework, bath, story and bed - to allow some relaxation time.

i wasn't taking offence bozza, just mearly explaining myself

Want to add something to justify the ten mins. I've just spent reading this thread...
I'm an Oxford grad and a SAHM. I'm a good mum and feel no guilt where my children are concerned, though I have the usual worries of any parent. I feel bad that I haven't had the gumption thus far to combine a career and motherhood and don't particularly respect myself for that. I admire women who do it well, feel no moral superiority at all for being a SAHM just know it's been the right thing for me, my personality, my chosen style of mothering. Why can we STILL not live and let live? Why are we still attacking each other for our choices? I would imagine that every one of us on here would kill and die for our children and I can't ever see mothers being truly content with themselves and their lives until we REALLY start being sisters to each other.

steinermum, i totally agree with you ,who cares what your chosen method of child rearing is or when you choose to have kids , if women stopped slagging each off constantly maybe we might be able to acheive even more than we have to date and without needing to chuck ourselves under any more racehorses

Xenia send me your address and i will post you my free with domestos pinny and jamie oliver tongs for when your paid help goes off sick ,these will come in usefull for when you need ,for health and safety reasons , to remove undergarments from your teenagers floor. You can buy safety goggles at most good diy retailers!
Just a small point ,i will never be able to earn more than my husband in my chosen profession ,unless i make chief nurse of england. Anyway off to do some more demeaning and subserviant tasks ,ta ta