To not want to go on holiday as a family again?

[whatty]

We (DS 4.5, DD 2 & husband) are currently on holiday in Australia. It goes without saying, that we've spent a lot getting here, and are spending a lot during the 3 weeks we are here too. But- I'm really not enjoying it. We are constantly telling the children off (not listening, running by the pool, shouting in restaurants, moaning etc etc). I just feel like I'd prefer to be at work and for them to be at nursery. Are we doing something wrong? I feel like am being a misery when we should be having the time of our lives. Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated...

maybe the penny has dropped (saying that in the nicest possible way).

We have not had one great holiday with our 6 year and 4 year old. Yes there are good 'bits' but the rest is a nightmare as you mention, constant fighting, constant moaning, nothing easy, restaurants an impossibilty and spending a LOT everyday to keep everyone happy.

That's without mentioning the nightmare airport/plane scenario we go through.

I have learned to accept this is how its going to be every holiday for the next 10 yrs!!! So I have less expectations and any good behaviour will be an achievement.

Sorry you are feeling like this, Aus is a long way to go.

I would much rather be at work - mostly, so this feeling is normal. DH has said every year for the last 5 years he is not going on holiday with them again. He is refusing to do it this year but think he will cave in as he wants to get away. He forgets every time tho he wont be on his own.

Holidays I have learned to accept are not the same and i always breathe a sigh of relief as soon as we are home.

No words of wisdom but hope you end up with a good few last days.

You become 24 hour childcare at that age. No relaxing! We took our dd to Disneyland Paris at 4 and there was a lot of whingeing/tears. It was exhausting too. We did UK beach holidays by train for a while whilst she was small. You can play on the train as a family rather than your nerves being shot before you've even got there, and a holiday cottage can help keep some routine. Less change as well.

The best description of holidays with babies and toddlers that I've heard is "same shit, different bucket".

I think I've just accepted that until my youngest is 5 or so all holidays will be in Europe, often in the all-inclusive type resorts I thought looked absolutely awful before having kids.

Lesson 1: you can't expect to go on holiday with 2 young children and sit by a pool, or even read a book....
I still wouldn't go long haul with mine and they are now 16!! (Never been able to afford it).
Lesson 2: it's really difficult to accept you may have spent a lot of money and you'd rather be at home. . Hope it gets better OP.

Yes too far and too young.

At their ages we took our children to a villa in Spain, worked well.

First of all, you have to accept that any holiday that INCLUDES the children is a holiday FOR the children. It will only be a holiday for you if there is additional childcare, like a kids club or grandparents. So, yes it will be exhausting, but take comfort from the fact that you are giving them an exciting and enriching experience, even if it is knackering for you. Two preschoolers = very hard work, so you have all of our sympathy. I would try to scale back your ambitions a little find a playground or a cinema that one of you can take them to while the other parent has a couple hours off? And maybe source a babysitter so you two can have a night off together? I would give in on the tablets, too, if it were me. Kudos for holding the line on screens, but don't make yourself crazy. In short, save the exciting tourist adventures for when they are more like 7 and 9, and for this trip try to find things to do that don't put you in stressful situations, even if they are things you could do back home. Don't worry about taking advantage of being in this exotic location just do what seems easiest.

I had a very lazy husband, now ex, so made sure hols were always somewhere with cousins to entertain my boys or family friends. I never considered them a holiday for me, but felt they needed the experience. Now I rarely go away as it seems more trouble than it's worth.

That's actually nonsense Ellen

We relax on holiday because we choose low key easy holidays. They are holidays for us and the children because all the long/ medium term stuff and outside demands hanging over you at home isn't there on holiday. Self catering is easy if you do bagettes for lunch and an easy one pot pasta dish or a take away pizza or eat out at a low key, informal, outdoor restaurant ideally with a playground or space for kids to run/ skate/ kick a ball nearby. Kids wash up from age 5...

I suppose people who can't relax with their kids about can't relax on holiday with kids unless they are in nursery/ kids club, but not everyone is like that! Drinking wine on the terrace with the kids asleep inside a couple of meters away after a day outside in the sun is relaxing.

I think people are expecting too much or trying to pack too much in - wind it down,it doesn't have to be such hard work!

The last overseas trip we went on my DD was 3.5 and DS was 18 months. It was awful and I cried on the 2nd day begging to go home. We stuck it out and had a nice time by the end but it's put me off going till they are older. I get sucked into the 'making memories ' BS but then remember my kids are happiest making mud pies in the back garden! We've come to the conclusion that staycations are the best thing for us at the moment with fun days out but guaranteed sleep in their own beds.

First of all, you have to accept that any holiday that INCLUDES the children is a holiday FOR the children

Bollocks to that! It's parenthood, not martyrdom.

My kids are the same sage OP. We aren't having a holiday this year

Havent read all the messages on here but did skim through quite a few...the thread made me smile and reminded me of when we went with another family to Majorca, each of us having 3 children 1 (mine) upwards to 7. We were both stay at home mums and we used to smirk (sorry!) when we saw some parents of young children and toddlers coming down to the hotel pool armed with books and magazines.

We NEVER had the expectation that we could sunbathe peacefully for hours, rest, recuperate and read...not with kids that age! We knew that being on holiday was like being at home...but in a different location. We were both lucky in that we both had partners who also were willing to muck in and entertain/keep an eye on the kids (and to be fair the older ones were all good at entertaining themselves..but obviously we needed to keep an eye and be with the younger ones) I expected to have to entertain/keep an eye on my kids wherever we were, and unfortunately there was the odd time when one of us had to pace up and down outside a restaurant with a restless 1 year old.

For me, I didn't mind tailoring my holiday around my kids to a certain extent...we didn't particularly go on massively child centred holidays like Butlins but I can quite understand why parents do as it's easier...and if your kids are happy you are. It's really only for a short time...mine are all older (youngest 19) and don't really come with us so much now. I would say, enjoy your holidays with your children whilst you can , it's precious time, or it was for us, despite the odd fall out or screaming fit (yes, the 1 year old did scream, non stop, all the way on the plane...but on the way back slept all the way...bliss for me!)

I ought to add....cos I forgot to and there's no blinkin edit facility on mumsnet........when we smirked at parents bringing books to the pool we used to say, "Nursery parents?"........

I just found this by googling. It might be a good idea to try local activities.

Aussies are normally very friendly people and quick to include new people.

www.whatson4littleones.com.au/

We adjusted out views of holidays for a few years while the kids are little. Family friendly resorts in the Canary islands would have made me scream before but now, the kids have a brilliant time, no-one minds if they're running around, if you go all inclusive, the alcohol flows freely and there's plenty of food that they like. Also, there's usually, and critically....Holiday club! They love it and you get a couple of hours of peace. We plan to start adventuring again when they are older but for now, make it easy on yourself.
It's way cheaper too!

We have said no long haul hols until DD is at least three. She's currently 3 months.

It's just not worth it. The kids do not care and it is so stressful! Flew to UK last year when DS was 2.5 and it was one of the most stressed I have ever been.

Going SC this summer with DH's family for a week, cousins will be there to entertain DS (3) so hopefully we can chill somewhat.

Self catering isn't a break either, but at least it's cheaper and the kids can just eat fish fingers/ cheerios/scrambled eggs or whatever

OP, as well you need to massively lower your expectations.

Just getting to the beach is an achievement, never mind a swim and sandcastles.

In my (limited) opinion a holiday with young children is in no way a 'holiday' as you once knew it. It is simply a 'travel experience'!

For what it's worth we've always found a 'nice' self catering cottage in the UK (or Gite in France) a much more restful (if that's even possible) experience.

...and meant to add that DS is now 14 and we still haven't been long haul as a family (he's been to S Africa with school though!)......

We bought a caravan and travelled to sites around the UK for the first 5 years.
Kids need some space, outdoors, but some familiarity.
The first trip in the van was not great. She refused to sleep as the bed was unfamiliar to her, she wasn't happy. The next one was bit better.
We put her fave toys in the bed, partner built a "side" for the bed to stop her falling out. We used blackout blinds and drew the curtains around her bed.
She soon felt comfortable in her bed and each holiday got better.
I look back fondly (apart from one time she puked all over me and screamed all night).....but that's small kids for you.
No way on this earth would I have taken her on a plane under 5.
She's 10 now, we've been taking foreign hols for 5 years and it's been very good.
Although sometimes it would be nice if she'd go to the kids club...😂

It does get better.

TBH I haven't enjoyed holidays with DCs, it's not a holiday at all, unless I had a full time nanny on hand. (Which I haven't). Basically it's felt mostly stressful. Now they're older (10 and 7), I'm hoping that it'll feel easier as they're more independent.

I hope the OP is enjoying the rest of the holidays with his brother. Don't listen to all the naysayers here about flights and long haul. Holidays are what you make of it. You just have to take it slower and also do more children oriented activities and meals.

If you take what phoenix says ^The first trip in the van was not great. She refused to sleep as the bed was unfamiliar to her, she wasn't happy. The next one was bit better.
We put her fave toys in the bed, partner built a "side" for the bed to stop her falling out. We used blackout blinds and drew the curtains around her bed.^

You can just substitute it with flights! No difference. We have done 4 long hauls since DC1 was born. (She's 6). All of them are 12+ hours. Only the one to Australia was a bit of a nightmare. But I think those people who visits Oz/NZ every Christmas for family must have coping strategies, and I see plenty of families doing it. Though I haven't done it enough to have good advice! But a 12 hour is very simple. We always pick the night flights. Those leaving after 10pm. They sleep the whole flight, missing the first meal, and then wake up for breakfast.

And long haul has on demand in flight entertainment. My 2yo has started to enjoy it this year. They have trolls, frozen, moana, plenty of ben and holly on the system. You can also plug in your tablet to the seat's USB.

I have to say it's easier than the flights to Spain which has nothing to do.

Nursery parents?? Febel are you for real?

That is vile and smug and just horrible.

I went to Australia when my DC were 6,7 & 10.

We were dreading the flight home as it was 35 hours. We flew from Brisbane at 11pm got to Kula Lumpur at 5.00am (spent the day exploring KL) flew out of KL at midnight. Can't remember what time we got to Amsterdam and then Birmingham.

The only part of the flights the kids remember was Amsterdam to Birmingham. They were so tired they slept through all the other flights.

My strategy for long haul flights is a small flight bag each filled with crayons, snacks, magazines and then at strategic times small surprise gifts materialize like a matchbox car, a littlest pet shop, a small lego kit etc. Also a tablet with already down loaded games on it.