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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go on holiday as a family again?

160 replies

whatty · 20/04/2017 03:41

We (DS 4.5, DD 2 & husband) are currently on holiday in Australia. It goes without saying, that we've spent a lot getting here, and are spending a lot during the 3 weeks we are here too. But- I'm really not enjoying it. We are constantly telling the children off (not listening, running by the pool, shouting in restaurants, moaning etc etc). I just feel like I'd prefer to be at work and for them to be at nursery. Are we doing something wrong? I feel like am being a misery when we should be having the time of our lives. Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated... Sad

OP posts:
MrsWhiteWash · 20/04/2017 07:25

We did Butins this age partly as thought all day at the beach would be too much but mainly as there would be a lot to do. We enjoyed it but came home exhausted. Now try and do beaches but near historical stuff for contrast and that works well. We are only now starting to think abroad. We have done weekend city breaks which have lots to do and they have gone well.

I think it was probably a bit soon for this type of holiday - allowing tablets or picking up cheap disposal toys or coloring books or look for child friendly attractions and go might be way to try and salvage current trip.

Wateroffaduck · 20/04/2017 07:25

I hate going on holiday with little children. When DD was about 18 months old we went to Spain and really enjoyed it, she was in her pushchair and we just did what we wanted.

We went back last year when she turned 4 - fucking nightmare, never again. The main bit in the town was a 2 min walk from the hotel, it is a long road with lots of shops, bars and entertainment. We used to love walking down it soaking up the atmosphere etc. 4 year old DD ruined it, she wouldn't walk, her feet hurt, wanted every toy in the shops, melt downs when we said no, being awful in restaurants, not eating her dinner, trying to run around and crying loudly when not getting her own way.

I have never been so glad to get on a plane home.

MrsWhiteWash · 20/04/2017 07:31

Always done self catering as well so have more control over when eat. Our children do eat out and behave themselves but if they are really hungry or tired it can take management from us. I think trying to do it more than a few times in three weeks would be a hard work for everyone. Are there places with playground for kids or option of eating in rooms or other ways to avoid stressful meal times?

Oliversmumsarmy · 20/04/2017 07:31

You need to pick a restaurant that is loud and noisy where children's voices are drowned out by other noisy children.

Funnily enough my most stressful holidays have been because dp refuses (because it is his holiday) to go to noisy child friendly restaurants and picks really up market quiet ones where the other diners are all in their 80s.
He shouts instructions to them of what they are doing wrong from his sunbed and doesn't understand they need constant input which for me was fine I enjoyed playing with them but for him he just wanted 2 weeks lying on a sunbed and going to posh restaurants at night.

We are on holiday atm without him. And it is so relaxing I wish we had separate holidays sooner

morningconstitutional2017 · 20/04/2017 07:33

I think maybe with holidays there are high expectations that it's going to be great. The reality can be rather different - there can be boredom, irritation and disappointment that it hasn't turned out to be quite so fabulous. I agree that a shorter journey time and self-catering in a cottage or lodge would be less stressful. The children can run around in a holiday park or make a noise during a picnic and it's all right.

NapQueen · 20/04/2017 07:36

How long have you been there? Their jetlag wont be helping.

I have to say weve only ever done uk breaks with ours (2 and 5) as the thought of trying to relax poolside fills me with dread!

Pinkandwhiteblossoms · 20/04/2017 07:38

HeadDreamer - running in restaurants is really dangerous!

But yes, anything at this age is full on. I don't really like the 1-4 bracket much.

Zhan · 20/04/2017 07:40

I used to enjoy family holidays when the kids were younger but as teens I took them on an American road trip (vegas, LA, Grand Canyon, Route 66 etc) and they did nothing but argue and fight with each other. They wrecked it. Eldest in particular was a nightmare moaning constantly that he was too hot, too cold, bored, tired - after that I said I wouldn't holiday with kids again and I've enjoyed my adult only holidays since! I sometimes feel bad when I leave them to jet off somewhere nice but then I think "fuck it, I never got taken places as a kid and they have plenty of time to travel the world themselves". With me they've seen Germany, Ibiza, Turkey, Florida, all the USA destinations I mentioned above and New York so they've not done bad out of me really!

Kokusai · 20/04/2017 07:45

I don't get all the hatred of holidays with small children! It really depends on the parents, child and type of holiday.

I do think you have to appreciate that small children like the same kinds of things at home and away - swimming, making sand castles, playing in a pkayground, watching their favourite cartoon, having an ice cream etc. So make sure you do plenty of things that they will actually enjoy!

Small children generally don't give a shiny shit about the view, culture or food.

nannybeach · 20/04/2017 07:47

Never went on holidays when kids were small for this reason, plus you come back to a dusty house,mountain of washing. Not that I have ever afforded more than a week anyway, or anywhere long haul. Maybe luckily for me, I think holidays are a waste of money.

Kokusai · 20/04/2017 07:48

Some of my earliest and happiest memories are of being on holiday!

Have to say we did self catering in Portugal rather than backpacking through Cambodia... but still such a shame to write off the idea of holidaying with children.

Longdistance · 20/04/2017 07:50

When we lived in WA there were loads of parks everywhere.

We used to just pack a picnic and let them run wild. Do you have use of a car to go out further and explore?

Kokusai · 20/04/2017 07:50

you come back to a dusty house,mountain of washing. Not that I have ever afforded more than a week anyway, or anywhere long haul. Maybe luckily for me, I think holidays are a waste of money

Oh this is so sad :-(

Dusty house? Really?? After a week???

Washing - yeah fair one. Go somewhere got so at least it's just t shirts and shirts :-)

Waste of money? I just can't see this view point at all. I freaking love holidays.

busyboysmum · 20/04/2017 07:55

Absolutely. We love going away as a family and have done so since oldest was 3 months.

It is more hard work than pre kids but then so is general life.

We self cater in a large apartment or villa so we all have plenty of space. We tend towards beach holidays with everything in small managable chunks. So we go early to the beach whilst it isn't too hot. Stay a couple of hours then head back to the villa for lunch. An hour or so downtime in the heat of the day watching tablets etc. Then head for the pool for an hour or so. An early tea then head out for drinks and ice cream. Maybe a play area. Usually resorts have playgrounds surrounded by places for adults to sit and have a drink.

Early night and repeat. Key is to make sure everyone is well fed and well rested.

GrumpyOldBag · 20/04/2017 08:05

Buy in some childcare while you are there to give yourselves a bit of a break.

An afternoon while some else supervises at the pool or an evening out with a babysitter.

You're in an English speaking, developed country, there will be people who can do this if you just ask around - maybe a friend of the relative you are visiting.

budgiegirl · 20/04/2017 08:22

Holidays with small children are hard work. They are so very different from adult only holidays, and I think it can come as a bit of a shock if you're not expecting it.

Also, the children are very often worse behaved when away - they are out of their routine, perhaps over tired/jet lagged, over excited, hot?

Added to the fact that your expectations are high - it's a dream destination and has cost a lot.

If you can, try and re-adjust your expectations. Also, try to appreciate the moments that go well, even if they are few and far between.

Lenny1980 · 20/04/2017 08:27

To those that self cater, do you actually feel like you get a break? I always feel like I may as well be at home if I still have to cook and clear away everyday, not to mention food shop. I don't mind the laundry if it means I home with suitcases full of clean clothes!

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 20/04/2017 08:29

This is why we never took our dc very far until they were around 8Grin

We went to Cornwall/Devon, we live down south anyway so short journey. We always rented a lovely cottage so it was a home from home. Dh made breakfasts and we had picnics for lunch then eat out in the evening. Of course it's hard with toddlers because they are always hard work no matter where in the world you are. DH and I used to take it turns to have a few hours to ourselves everyday, to just do whatever we fancied whilst the other one entertained the dc.
You definitely need a bit of time on your own every day or you will go MADGrin

Hastalapasta · 20/04/2017 08:29

I get you OP, just back from Italy with the family, DC 2,5&7.

Beautiful lakeside location, zero safety measures at the hotel, lots of rocks in ice cold water, also an outdoor fucking freezing pool, completely open with no safety features, like a fenceAngry

Coping strategies: 1 adult on duty whilst the other chatted to extended family.
Strict boundaries regarding the area that the kids could play in i.e away from the waters edge.
Eat out at lunch only, self cater for dinner at a reasonable time.
One adult stays in whilst the other goes out for dinner with the family.

We had low expectations, never spent more than 2 hours on any one activity, and had filled the iPad with downloads from CBeebies.

Kids had great fun, but it was hard work. We set lots of boundaries, seemed to have a constant stream of 'no, don't go past that wall, no, don't go near the water' etc

And yes we need a holiday to recover!

It will get easier. Probably.......Grin

nuttyknitter · 20/04/2017 08:30

How sad. The OP says herself that she's not used to spending time with her own children and then someone suggests getting childcare on holiday! Surely the answer is getting to know your own children, understanding what they enjoy and planning a holiday that includes their interests. You can't carry on having 'adult' holidays and be surprised that the children don't fit in.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 20/04/2017 08:31

Lenny - eat out as much as possible in the evening. Even if it's just fish and chips!
I always took breakfast stuff down with us as I too hated food shopping on holiday. Then go to a local shop every day for fresh bread, milk, fruit etc.

emmyrose2000 · 20/04/2017 08:33

I loved holidays with my kids when they were small. If it was a return visit to a place DH and I had been before it was fascinating seeing it again through a child's eyes. If it was somewhere new for all of us, then it was fun exploring it together.

During DS's first visit to the US at 17 months, his favourite thing to do was to explore the bathroom (supervised) in each new hotel room. Not sure why, as he hadn't shown any interest in the bathroom at home, but it made him happy and kept him quiet, so we just rolled with it.

OTOH, dragging teenagers around a foreign county when they'd rather be at home, can be its own special brand of "interesting".......

JaneEyre70 · 20/04/2017 08:48

I think most of our family holidays with our 3 DD's when they were young were so stressful that I really struggled to enjoy them. You can't relax for a second when nothing is as safe as your home environment. It was only when our youngest got to 4/5 that we started to be able to relax and enjoy being away. We went to Spain and booked villas, and they were fab holidays. Then they morph into Kevin the teenager and it goes backwards again........ I think you're incredibly brave taking kids that age away Flowers.

DevelopingDetritus · 20/04/2017 08:52

I agree, mostly the holiday needs to revolve around the children's needs. When I took my son on holiday he was happy digging holes on the beach most of the day or swimming, was glad to be able to put my feet up! Long journey times aren't the best idea. Then plan different activities before setting off on holiday, gives you a rough idea of other things to do while there.

AppleAndBlackberry · 20/04/2017 09:02

When my youngest was 3.5 and we'd ditched the buggy and nappies and lunchtime naps we started to feel like holidays could be relaxing again, but still only the UK and France. They're 6 and 7 now and I might consider long haul but I definitively wouldn't have done before now. When they were 2 and 4 we liked places like Center Parcs or having holidays with the extended family where we got a bit of help. I was SAHM at that point, but they were significantly harder work on holiday because of being out of routine etc so it's probably not related to the fact that you work full time (although might be more of a shock to you).

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