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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU re travel time for my daughter?

153 replies

kimann · 19/04/2017 16:24

My daughter has been accepted into a school 40 minutes by train from our home - I didn't think it was that bad before someone commented that it was unbelievably long. Daughter can't go by cat because she has awful motion sickness. Am I being unreasonable to put her through such a long journey for school? I feel like crap now!

OP posts:

Fluffy24 · 19/04/2017 19:46

Bloody hell Giles, superwoman badge coming your way!!

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/04/2017 19:47

Hulder · 19/04/2017 19:47

TFL walk estimates are generous to say the least.

This sort of thing is normal in London and normal in the private sector.

Your kids have the advantage of the nanny so no breakfast club/after school club so will be better off than many with a school round the corner - it will be fine.

skinnyamericano · 19/04/2017 19:48

I think it sounds fine, especially as you've said your DS won't have to do the morning journey.

Atenco · 19/04/2017 19:52

Gosh, I would have thought that living in London you would be spoilt for choice, especially considering that state schools there are supposed to be excellent and you can afford to go private.

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/04/2017 19:56

Yeah truthfully it all comes down to organisation and preparation.

I have certainly noticed that those who drive or get the bus to school or use the club's are usually on time and kids are perfectly fine happily walking in then playing in the play ground or going into the breakfast club.

It's the ones just minutes down the road that are late and running up to the gates and the kids forgotten their show and tell and got toothpaste down jumper and Mums or dads are frantically trying to sort the hair out as the whistle is being blown.

If mornings are hectic and people are badly organised then doesn't matter how close to the school you are kids it's going to be stressful and exhausting for the kids.

And even when mornings are busy and you have a bus or train to catch if your all set up to go the night before and things are organised it can be reasonably easy to do even if the journey is a bit harder than you'd like

lougle · 19/04/2017 19:57

I think she'll be ok. DD1 has commuted 1 hr each way since age 4. It's totally normal for SN schools. They all cope because they have to.

purplehonesty · 19/04/2017 19:58

Far too long

Also too long a day for a 3yo at school to then have a commute like that.

We have little ones who do 9-3 every day at pre-school and they have a 5 min drive home. They are all exhausted by about Wednesday let alone Friday.
Add to that walking to train, train journey and walk home it's far too much.
Can you imagine when it's blowing a gale and horizontal rain/snow and freezing. Poor toot will be miserable, tired, cold and wet.

Find a nursery nearby where she can go mornings or afternoons. Too much too soon.

Original poster

kimann · 19/04/2017 20:00

So this is probably what will happen, husband and I will do three morning school runs and one afternoon pick up while nanny will do 2 morning runs (without so ) and 4 afternoon pick ups.

OP posts:

Vroomster · 19/04/2017 20:07

When I worked in London DS went to my work nursery which was an hours commute door to door. Only twice a week though which made it slightly more bearable.

Violetcharlotte · 19/04/2017 20:07

I think that's a very long journey to do every day for any age child, but far too long for a 3 year old. Particularly in public transport at rush hour, she'll be exhausted. I wouldn't do this unless I had absolutely no other choice. Are there no schools closer she could go to?

Original poster

kimann · 19/04/2017 20:14

Violet - none that would take a 3 year old. The school she's going to is a private school that starts from 3-18 years. The other private school near is is about a similar journey time.

OP posts:

mummabearfoyrbabybears · 19/04/2017 20:17

I don't think it's too bad although three sounds young she won't be three forever. My children and I walk most days to school and that's about 25/30 mins. Sometimes we go via the park and or the shops so the kids are on their feet for at least half hour in the mornings and much longer at night. My dad walked an hour and a half to his school when he was young. We've just become inherently lazy. Kids are resilient and they'll love the train.

GColdtimer · 19/04/2017 20:22

So is there no state school close by? Lots of children do really well in state schools by the way.

Westfacing · 19/04/2017 20:23

Kimann your daughter will not be exhausted - I know this from experience with my own sons.

Many young children have to commute - don't let anyone make you feel bad about it. I see very young kids criss-crossing London to get to school every day.

As long as you're all organised, calm and flexible all will be fine!

BarbarianMum · 19/04/2017 20:28

I don't think that 40 min door to door is too bad for London actually. And it's a nicely varied journey too - not of walking, bit of train travel. The thing that would put me off is the future days.

BarbarianMum · 19/04/2017 20:28

full days

LittleBearPad · 19/04/2017 20:37

Why does she have to go to school at 3?

Are there no nurseries near by that would be a better fit if you say she's bored at the one she's at.

To be honest if you have a nanny at home she could stay there with her brother - go to groups etc / classes.

I wouldn't do it if it were me. They are young for such a little time.

itsbetterthanabox · 19/04/2017 20:38

If you have a nanny why is she going to nursery?

Original poster

kimann · 19/04/2017 20:45

Box- i don't have a nanny yet - I will only have a nanny in September when she goes to school.

OP posts:

Original poster

kimann · 19/04/2017 20:47

Littlebear - none near us that we like for her for various reasons.

OP posts:

fairgame84 · 19/04/2017 20:54

YANBU
I don't see the problem. Lots of children with SN travel to special schools for that length of time from the age of 4. In govt tramsport guidance for primary aged children at special schools is 45 minutes each way.
Lots of rural children do a similar commute.

LynetteScavo · 20/04/2017 08:21

As a nanny I did 30 mins travel just for mornings, so leaving house at 8:20am, back home by 9:30, then leaving again at 10:50am for a 11:30 collection. Then the same journey when the child started full time school. It was a doddle and I never got bored. I can't imagine an extra 19 mins would be so much worse.

I've also done 30 mins walking with my own child to nursery, passing several other nurseries in the way. Again, totally fine.

It's a perfectly do-able journey and probably worthwhile if it means your DC can attend a lovely school.

Personally I would take the baby in every journey if it's possible not to do so, and you've already mentioned you won't. Hope your DD enjoys her new school.

LynetteScavo · 20/04/2017 08:21

*extra 10 mins

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 20/04/2017 08:40

Having seen your update that its only 14 minutes on the train/20 minutes by car I have changed my mind. That's very different from a 40 minute train journey - which to me seemed like potentially 30 miles away!

As someone who suffered from terrible travel sickness I can tell you I did grow out of it and you should definitely work on that and make sure you hire a nanny who can drive.

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