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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU re travel time for my daughter?

153 replies

kimann · 19/04/2017 16:24

My daughter has been accepted into a school 40 minutes by train from our home - I didn't think it was that bad before someone commented that it was unbelievably long. Daughter can't go by cat because she has awful motion sickness. Am I being unreasonable to put her through such a long journey for school? I feel like crap now!

OP posts:

KayTee87 · 19/04/2017 18:28

If you're home at 4.30 I'd probably put her to bed at 7pm to compensate for the long day if she has to do it.

Rossigigi · 19/04/2017 18:30

Poor little one will be beyond tired all week and what abou the poor nanny? Trying to cope with a baby too. Think you need a rethink OP

Littlecaf · 19/04/2017 18:33

I did a 50 min commute to nursery when I was the same age. I recall loving it on the tube! It worked for us as my mum was a teacher at the main part of the school.

Original poster

kimann · 19/04/2017 18:33

We will consider either leaving my son at home with my husband till the nanny returns or looking for something to do around the area the nanny will be in if she brings him.Either way - lots to think about. Thank you all.

OP posts:

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/04/2017 18:37

I think people are far to focused on the ideal to see that thousands if kids daily are put into breakfast cubs and the after school clubs or dropped of at child minders or picked up late at night frokgrabdlarebts then brought home again and put straight back to bed.

It's what working parents just have to do surely.

A routine journey with one person is far preferable to the mix and match friend family and neighbour throw together that again many many people have to do.

It's not ideal no but it's doable and actualky not half as bad as to what other people have to do.

Oh and I'm not judging anyone befire people jump in. Parents have to do what they have to do there is no way around it. Moving isnt always possible and you can't just give up work either.

Westfacing · 19/04/2017 18:41

If 40 minutes total then it's perfectly do-able.

My sons were rising 4 & 7 when they started at a central London prep, approximately 35 minutes door-to-door. They made, and kept to this day, plenty of friends, as many kids in London travel a long way to school, and not just in the private sector.

Fortunately I worked in the area so travelled in with them and either I or au pair picked them up - when they were older they came by themselves.

Both now in their 30s and still have friends from pre-prep days!

Westfacing · 19/04/2017 18:42

Sorry, forgot to mention that travel was by tube.

PolymathParadox · 19/04/2017 18:43

I thought you meant secondary, there are pupils at my youngest's school who travel up to an hour but at 3 I would say definitely too far. As previous posters have said, parties, playdates etc will be difficult at best to go to.

drspouse · 19/04/2017 18:45

I think the baby will be fine now while relatively immobile but when he gets more fidgety he won't want to sit in the buggy for the whole journey.
I used to get the bus 20 mins (but more if traffic) with a mum and toddler going to nursery, they had a lovely bonding story time most days.
But harder with two and if crowded (she and I got on at the first stop).

2014newme · 19/04/2017 18:48

What nanny wants to travel by train 4x 40 mins per day = 160 mins =2.5 hours train travel per day =12.5 hours per week sat on a train #crazy

motherofdaemons · 19/04/2017 18:51

Having read your previous posts I think the commute sounds absolutely fine! Many London kids do similar, 40 mins door to door, 1 train, no changes. It sounds fairly normal for anyone in the independent school system, plus if you can drive there in 20 mins this will be an option once your DD grows out of her travel sickness.

If she will be at this school till she's 18 and it's a great school that your happy with, you'd be mad not to IMO.

Hulder · 19/04/2017 18:53

Private school - everyone else will be doing exactly the same sort of journey.

Hundreds of years ago when I was 3 and private nursery didn't really exist much I went to a nursery 40 - 50 minutes car journey away because that was all there was - Norlands, lucky me I loved it there.

Fruitcocktail6 · 19/04/2017 18:54

Another point is what if she becomes ill at school? Nanny will be at least 40 minutes away to collect her, probably more if she has to wait for the train. That would worry me.

Gazelda · 19/04/2017 18:55

It's not ideal, but it seems as though you don't have any options if this is the school you want your DC to go to.
As for play dates, parties etc - I'm sure you're not the only family that don't live on the school's doorstep. It will take effort, but I'm sure you will be able to form some sort of network with other parents. Would you consider one longer working day and one shorter so that you can do the school pick up once a week?
Could you maybe start to introduce doing the homeward journey by car once a week? If she's ill, you can pop her straight in the bath. Travelling by car would definitely make everyone's lives far, far easier.

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/04/2017 18:55

But the parent could easily be an hour or two away from a school five mins down the road.

Chocolate15 · 19/04/2017 18:58

Does seem quite a long journey everyday for a little one

TenFeetTall · 19/04/2017 19:00

I suspect in a London private school that commute won't be unusual tbh. I still think it's long but hopefully as she gets bigger it can be halved if the car sickness eases.

Goingtobeawesome · 19/04/2017 19:00

Having something for the nanny to do with the baby won't help. She can't stay out all day every day waiting for the end of school and hanging about for 1-3 hours then home then back to school a couple of hours later is very restrictive too.

Original poster

kimann · 19/04/2017 19:00

Thank you - 2014, just to clarify, the train journey is not 40 minutes, it's actually about 14 minutes (according to TFL), the walking distance from us to the station (high balling it) is approx10-12 minutes but doable in less and the school is right next to the station but again, TFL is high balling it at 7-12 minutes. I know it's not ideal but it's the only option we have at the moment.

Mother and Huldwr - thanks. My husband keeps reminding me of this but I keep reverting back here and feeling bad that so many have said it's too much! I know it's far from ideal, but we are so very limited with options.

OP posts:

pilates · 19/04/2017 19:00

Sorry too far

Westfacing · 19/04/2017 19:02

Another point is what if she becomes ill at school? Nanny will be at least 40 minutes away to collect her, probably more if she has to wait for the train. That would worry me.

I'm sorry, but this is nonsense.

The child could be at a school next door to the family home and become ill - the parents could well work at least an hour away. Not everyone has a nanny at home waiting to charge to school!

InvisibleKittenAttack · 19/04/2017 19:02

yep, sorry, but agree that's a bit much. Would you consider state education to use a local school until 7? Are there really no good local options?

Hopefully her travel sickness will improve. 20minutes by car is a much easier/normal commute to cope with!

(My travel sickness only stopped when I was able to travel in the front of a car, aparently that's very common so when she's a bit taller might be worth trying but get the airbag switched off)

Original poster

kimann · 19/04/2017 19:04

Gazelda we are absolutely going to do this. Perhaps even twice a week if my boss will agree to it.

I am happy to work in the evening or even get up at 6 to put in my hours so I can send her and fetch her from school once or twice a week.

OP posts:

InvisibleKittenAttack · 19/04/2017 19:04

oh and I would assume in an emergancy, the nanny would just drive to the school and deal with the travel sickness on the way back?

Westfacing · 19/04/2017 19:07

IMO the journey itself is not a problem - fairly standard in London. As I said earlier, I travelled in with my children and often brought them home - your problem seems to be nanny & baby having to do the journey as well, twice over!

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