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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re travel time for my daughter?

153 replies

kimann · 19/04/2017 16:24

My daughter has been accepted into a school 40 minutes by train from our home - I didn't think it was that bad before someone commented that it was unbelievably long. Daughter can't go by cat because she has awful motion sickness. Am I being unreasonable to put her through such a long journey for school? I feel like crap now! ConfusedSad

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 19/04/2017 19:07

op I had to do a difficult trip for the first few years til I passed my driving test.

I will admit to still feeling envious of those who can just walk down the road and they are there.

However I also see sooooo many people who despite being local as I said they sit in their cars. I used to have to get to the school early due to the bus times and the car drivers even the ones who aren't taht far and could walk still beat me there. I swear some of these local children spend more time in the car than I did on the bus or in the car.

It's also the locals you see legging it down the street several mins after the gate has been locked and I'm on my way back to the car.

So despite being local clearly their mornings are far more stressful and rushed than mine are despite the longer journeys.

There really aren't as many people merrily skipping down the local school enjoying a stress free wander with the kids as you think there are.

NinonDeLenclos · 19/04/2017 19:09

I'm in London I can't believe there's not a prep school nearer to you than that. I think it's crazy.

Sending her there just because you might want to send your 7 month your old there too eventually - well you might, or you may decide another school is more suitable, or you might have moved.

I wouldn't put a 3 year old through that. It's not worth it.

anothermalteserplease · 19/04/2017 19:10

I don't think it's too bad the the 3 year old but your 7 month old is going to be completely bored.

Original poster
kimann · 19/04/2017 19:10

Westfacing - we are considering having the baby at home with my husband till the nanny returns as I too agree - he will not be happy being pushed around after his sister!

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 19/04/2017 19:10

How can a 3 yo be going to school? If it's preschool, why not a local one?

Sorry if it's been mentioned. I'm on my phone and can't read all threads.

motherofdaemons · 19/04/2017 19:12

I wouldn't listen to anyone who doesn't get what schools are like in London. A 12 minute tube journey to school is nothing. Yes it might be a bit of a faff with the baby but this is a long term decision. It's much harder getting your kid into a good private school at age 7, and much MUCH harder age 11. If she's been offered a place age 3 that's amazing! No 11 plus stress for her.

Last year I had to do a 2 hour round trip with my kids, twice a day, from work to school to nursery then home. It was a nightmare but we survived! Your journey sounds very doable!

Boonegirl · 19/04/2017 19:16

Hopefully your nanny is very happy with the arrangement because if she decides it is too much for her (boring, irritating, wastes time) and leaves your employ, you would be royally stuck.

Original poster
kimann · 19/04/2017 19:19

Boonegirl- the nanny suggested that she take both kids in the morning, I only want her to take my daughter in the morning and my husband will look after my son till she gets back.

OP posts:
notanurse2017 · 19/04/2017 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 19/04/2017 19:20

Could the nanny get a taxi/dh be taxi with ds (assuming he doesn't get sick) on days when there aren't activities on the way. This would reduce the school run to two hours and to be honest many school runs take that long if you aren't really close to a school. Presumably there are longer holidays so not as many days as state. If you decide to stay in London then you can move closer once you are happy with the school.

Westfacing · 19/04/2017 19:23

7 month old is going to be completely bored. Confused

I can't believe some of the comments on here!

Boredom won't be his problem he's a baby in a buggy - it's just the faff for the nanny to be making that journey back and forth twice a day. That's the bit I would worry about - it's not conducive to a settled day, too full of trains and travel, she might get fed-up and leave!

Original poster
kimann · 19/04/2017 19:26

West facing - nanny won't be bringing my son in the morning, maybe in the afternoon but we will have a think about that.

OP posts:
Fluffy24 · 19/04/2017 19:27

I think that whilst it's obviously do-able it makes for an unnecessarily long week for all concerned, especially a 3yo, when there is an alternative i.e the nanny will be at home anyway. Could you start with a couple of days a week and build up from there?

EweAreHere · 19/04/2017 19:29

I'll go against the majority here and say I don't think this is a big deal.

I've read your updates. A 40 minute commute total isn't a big deal, even for a 3 year old. Driving in and out of the city centre near us can take longer, depending upon traffic, time of day, roads, etc, and ours did preschool in the city centre. It was worth it.

Original poster
kimann · 19/04/2017 19:30

Fluffy - it's full time school unfortunately so no scope for part time.

OP posts:
Westfacing · 19/04/2017 19:30

Baby or no baby, the nanny will still be making those journeys.

BTW, why can't your husband do the morning trip, then the nanny only does the bringing home?

Nanny and husband aside, take it from me your daughter will be fine with that travel time!

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/04/2017 19:32

Time wise i don't think it's that bad really.

We send kids off to secondary school with 30 or 40 mins plus journeys to walk or bus by themselves.

So it's ok for then but an adult paid to do it is suddenly way off?

I know she has to come back but there's still gonna be plenty of time to have a coffee and watch some soaps while the baby naps then all she has to do is feed him.

Do people really only have ten min round trips?

Some villages are quite big you could easily be 40 mins away.

anothermalteserplease · 19/04/2017 19:35

westfacing soon that 7 month old will be a toddler on the move who will not want to be strapped into a buggy for hours a day. Why the Confused face? It would be stressful for the nanny and other passengers not to mention DCs own children. But as the baby will not be doing the journey then all is good.
Your 3 year old will be fine. She'll likely be sleepy in the afternoon so maybe keep those low key and weekends too until she's used to the longer days.

Fluffy24 · 19/04/2017 19:36

I know she has to come back but there's still gonna be plenty of time to have a coffee and watch some soaps while the baby naps then all she has to do is feed him. Wow giles as a parent I'd not have coped with that every day, my DS sits not have daytime naps so a nanny wouldn't have had many coffee/daytime TV breaks!!

turbohamster · 19/04/2017 19:36

Every single kid in my village had a similar length journey to school. 10-15 minute walk to bus stop, 5 minute wait for the bus, 20 minute journey (only 4 miles but bus route didn't go direct). I can't see it's that unusual.

Leeds2 · 19/04/2017 19:37

If I'm honest, it wouldn't be what I would choose for a 3 year old. Are there no nurseries closer, and she could start at this particular school at 5 instead?

Original poster
kimann · 19/04/2017 19:40

West - yes, we are going to do the drop offs at least twice a week (me or my husband depending on meetings)

Giles - thanks - I hope I can see it as such soon! London is hard work sometimes! Bloody trains and travel times!

OP posts:
irregularegular · 19/04/2017 19:40

I'd be worried about the baby/toddler doing it, but for your DD it may not be so bad, especially if you or your DH can take her some days. Then it could be quite nice one-to-one time? Assuming it is not horrendously busy,..

Perhaps there would be a friend locally you could share drop-offs and pick-ups with to reduce the number of people doing the journey?

Of course living in London is going to be different than living in a village like we do.

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/04/2017 19:41

My days were a bit nore complicated so this sounds pretty easy and do able to me.

A walk a short train journey and another walk woulda been bliss.

Far better than a bus drop off at pre school then another bus to school then a half an hour wait til I can get the first if two buses back. Then pre school pick up. 2 more buses on a round trip. Then school pick up. 4 bus round trip. Then another bus to work...

Westfacing · 19/04/2017 19:43

malteser the OP has said the baby won't be travelling every day but even so, lots of babies and toddlers spend time commuting whether we like it or not. My Confused was in response to a 7 month-old being completely bored . That's his age now, what he's like in the future is another matter.