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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re travel time for my daughter?

153 replies

kimann · 19/04/2017 16:24

My daughter has been accepted into a school 40 minutes by train from our home - I didn't think it was that bad before someone commented that it was unbelievably long. Daughter can't go by cat because she has awful motion sickness. Am I being unreasonable to put her through such a long journey for school? I feel like crap now! ConfusedSad

OP posts:
Original poster
kimann · 19/04/2017 17:20

Thank you all for responses. I will answer as many question as I can:

It is a private school 3-18 years. Yes we are in London.

I have a nanny that will bring her and pick her up - it is not on the same train line as the one I get on for work.

By car it's 20 minutes but I don't want to have her throwing up every morning and evening. At the moment we just about manage giving her medication for car journeys we absolutely have to do but otherwise we don't use the car.

It's 40 minutes travel time all inclusive: small walk station (5 mins) train and small walk to the school (6-7mins) . On a good day - 32 minutes (Ive done both!)

The alternative is to keep her in nursery, however the class she is in is aged 1.5-4 years which means she will be one of the older ones. Already at the moment she's struggling with the younger children in the class and not doing much as the teachers have to tend to the younger ones.

Thanks all - I think I'm going to have to speak to my husband and think think over.

OP posts:
SongforSal · 19/04/2017 17:21

Ha, I thought this post was about time travel to!

Ummm. Your choice, but that's a little too long for a 3yr old. I am sure there are plenty of good local schools. Poor thing will be knackered.

Kitsandkids · 19/04/2017 17:24

When my foster children first came to live with me I had to get them to and from their original school. I was commuting every morning by walking and bus between 8am and 10am and then every afternoon between 2pm and 4pm. The actual bus journey was probably about 25 minutes but by the time we'd got to the bus station, waited, walked to the school etc it was closer to an hour. Obviously they only had half of my commute every day but I found it very tough going and by the end of the school year I was begging to be allowed to move them to a school nearer to our house.

kmc1111 · 19/04/2017 17:25

I don't think it's a problem. I travelled over an hour to my schools, as did my children. Was never an issue. You have to be willing to travel a bit on weekends and during school holidays to enable friendships, but not everyone balks at those kind of distances.

Anyway, perhaps OP's work is in the same direction as school.

Trb17 · 19/04/2017 17:27

I thinks it's very long travel time for that age. Secondary school fine but at 3 that's a large part of her day.

vjg13 · 19/04/2017 17:28

I don't think it is that bad and hopefully her car sickness will improve so she can go in the car sometimes.

Original poster
kimann · 19/04/2017 17:36

Thanks everyone - much to think about Sad Yes I do hope her car sickness will get better - only time will tell I suppose.

OP posts:
irregularegular · 19/04/2017 17:43

Well. That sounds a bit better than the first time. Total journey of 40 mins or less. And with a nanny! Is there a sibling to look after too? How reliable and regular are the trains? How interested are you in meeting school friends and how easy will that be? How long is the school day? Not questions I want answers too, but factors that will make a difference.

It would be a long way from our ideal. But we only considered houses that would allow us to walk easily to primary school and consequently be part of a local community all within walking distance. But different people have different priorities. And of course it all depends on the alternatives. Presumably this school has some advantages over closer options.

Original poster
kimann · 19/04/2017 17:50

Thanks regular - I am feeling quite worried about it now if I'm being honest!

Yes - 40 minutes is the worst case scenario but living in London I am inclined to believe 35-40 would be normal.

There is a sibling - my son is 7 months. This school is mixed and was important to us because it was. Assuming we don't move from London, this will where my son will go hopefully.

Trains are regular, and we will make every attempt to forge friendships for her. School day is 850-3pm. I will be home at 430pm and her bedtime is 730-8pm so I will get to spen some time with her in the evenings.

We did consider moving to the area but we are not really sure if we will be in London and don't want to commit to a new house.

OP posts:
MyOtherNameIsTaken · 19/04/2017 17:52

Vaguely disappointed that this isn't about Time Travel. That could have been a handy skill to learn. Grin

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/04/2017 17:52

Tbh I don't think it's that bad

But considering many parents...

Walk over a mile (which can take 20 to 30 mins with little legs)

Drive to school and hang around for 30 mins or so as if they left too late they might have to park five mins away and God forbid walk so would rather sit in the car for half an hour)

Get the bus which could easily total to equal amount of time when you add walking from either end a short wait.

I used to have a longish round trip on multiple buses it was 2 buses to dds school. I drive now though.

So all in all I don't think her day will be lo her than anyone else's and she can read her book on the train home.

Amaried · 19/04/2017 17:55

Think it's much much too far for a little girl if she didn't absolutely have to do it . She'll be exhausted and all her little friends won't be near by. Honestly think you should re think this

wickerlampshade · 19/04/2017 18:02

Really, it's fine. There's a lot of pearl clutching on MN if you send your child to a school they can't walk to. Mine goes in the car 10 miles each way and it's no problem.

Phineyj · 19/04/2017 18:02

I think it's doable in the situation you are in. She can do her bits of homework on the train with the nanny and have snacks. My DD is just finishing the pre prep year and while her school is not far from home, we did a 40 min drive to nursery. It's not for everyone but some of us have complicated lives and commutes.

It's good that you have the train as an option given the sickness. The 40 min drive was bad during potty training!

LIZS · 19/04/2017 18:08

Is your baby also making the trip with the nanny, so over 3 hours travelling a day ? Won't it be very crowded in the mornings, what if he is unwell? It does seem an unnecessarily convoluted trip at a young age. Have you tried it out with them both at the times you need to travel. Do you have alternatives, bearing in mind if you decide not to commit now you need to give notice before summer term starts(if you aren't too late already) or pay for the first term anyway.

PuckeredAhole · 19/04/2017 18:09

I did a similar train ride for 7 years of school. I did homework on the train and had loads of friends who also did the journey. It was just part of the school day. If it's a good school, do it.

usernumbernine · 19/04/2017 18:10

That's a big ask for a nanny with a baby as well - and a lot of hassle for a baby that will be a toddler. That's 80 mins each way so 160 mins per day out of the nanny's day - that's almost 3 hours just getting your daughter to and from school and doing all that with a baby / toddler that will be challenging.

Joinourclub · 19/04/2017 18:14

Id worry about the 7mo having to do the journey with the nanny- twice as much travel as the 3 year old. I wouldn't want to do 2 hours of travel with my 10 month old dd every day.

Gileswithachainsaw · 19/04/2017 18:15

The nanny could always break it up a bit though. Presumably she's not paid to sit in the house all day every day anyway so she could take a walk or go to a park or take the baby to soft play or to feed the ducks hell arrange to have a coffee with a friend who's bear to the area the school is in.

Shed be doing similar the other end anyway wouldn't she?

Fruitcocktail6 · 19/04/2017 18:19

I think that is too long for a three year old. I work in a private preschool with children the same age and we've had children taken out of school by their parents with short notice because the parents had underestimated the difficulty of commuting with a preschooler (and baby).

And as pp have mentioned that will make it difficult to attend birthday parties, play dates etc. Many parents at my school are friends and they spend ages in the local park with their kids everyday.

KayTee87 · 19/04/2017 18:20

Assuming she will have to get up at 7am to start journey at 8am then full day in school and bedtime not til 7.30/8 - personally I think most 3yos would be exhausted doing this 5 days a week. A lot of 3 year olds still need a nap too.

waterrat · 19/04/2017 18:21

Honestly that is madness. She will be shattered on the way home and mornings will be very stressful with no wiggle room.

Find a school nearer or move nearer the school.

yorkshapudding · 19/04/2017 18:22

Does she have to go full time? If she could do just a couple of days a week would be less tiring for her and less stressful for the Nanny- i don't envy him/her having to travel for 3hrs a day with a baby in tow!

Chinnygirl · 19/04/2017 18:24

I think that it's too long for such a young child. 9/10 year old (depending on the character of the child) would be fine IMO.

Sirzy · 19/04/2017 18:25

Other issue comes when both are at school then - if one has an after school club and the other doesn't, or if one takes ill and needs picking up

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