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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think management were right to veto this collection?

69 replies

user1485342611 · 19/04/2017 14:27

A couple of women at work have recently become grandparents, and two more women have first grandchildren due in the next few months.

A colleague started collections to buy presents for the two new babies, but management stepped in and said office wide collections for grandchildren were 'not appropriate.'

A few people are annoyed, but others are relieved as we already have collections for colleagues' new babies, weddings, leaving or retiring, and it can just get a bit much at times.

AIBU to think management were right to step in and were not 'treating us like kids' as one colleague has stated.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 19/04/2017 14:28

YANBU. It gets ridiculous after a while.

The people moaning are welcome to buy gifts from just themselves if they're that bothered.

user1488721675 · 19/04/2017 14:28

I would have thought complaints have probably been made to management in the first place hence them 'stepping in'

statetrooperstacey · 19/04/2017 14:29

Hell no! Thank god someone sensible stepped in. Where does this end?!

Questioningeverything · 19/04/2017 14:29

Oh god for grandkids?? Where does it end? I think management were right in this case. I also think someone's had a word to them about it, which is why they've laid the law down over it.

Floralnomad · 19/04/2017 14:32

I think it's a ridiculous reason to be collecting but I don't think it's 'managements' job to approve what people are collecting for as at the end of the day nobody is obliged to contribute .

ScarlettFreestone · 19/04/2017 14:34

I agree with user I suspect a few people have quietly had a word.

It's not treating anyone like children though. If they want to personally provide a gift for the baby there's nothing to stop them doing that.

I received some individual gifts from my Mum's colleagues but I'd have been horrified if people had been pressured into contributing.

Original poster
user1485342611 · 19/04/2017 14:35

True Flora. But it does put pressure on people to contribute. No one wants to be seen as the tight colleague who said 'no'. Management shouldn't have to get involved, but unfortunately there's always colleagues who just get over enthusiastic about starting collections for this, that and everything. Usually people who have adequate disposable income and don't realise that some colleagues are down to their last fiver on pay day.

OP posts:
ThouShallNotPass · 19/04/2017 14:35

Good for management! Where does it end? It gets ridiculously expensive "chipping in" constantly. There can be a lot of hard feelings and disapproval if you refuse to give something even if you really think it's unnecessary. I agree that Management will likely have stepped in because of complaints.

ScarlettFreestone · 19/04/2017 14:35

Flora that's a wee bit naive, of course people feel obliged to contribute.

SpreadYourHappiness · 19/04/2017 14:36

There's no need for a collection for grandparents. Good job management have put a stop to it.

Ktown · 19/04/2017 14:36

Bonkers and overkill.
Too much pressure on people.
I often wonder if the ones who organise these things even contribute.

MaisyPops · 19/04/2017 14:37

I think management have probably had a few people having quiet words.

If people want to buy for grandkids then they can. It's not treating people like children to remove social pressure for endless whip rounds.

Billben · 19/04/2017 14:40

Ridiculous reason for a collection

Floralnomad · 19/04/2017 14:49

I'm lots of things but definitely not naive , I've never felt obliged to do anything just because everybody else is doing it .

Goodythreeshoes · 19/04/2017 14:50

I would be a bit embarrassed to receive a gift from people I'd never heard of or clapped eyes on.

morningconstitutional2017 · 19/04/2017 14:52

I can understand management's point of view but you are free to refuse if you don't wish to contribute. However, would you want to be thought to be a tight-wad just because you were the only one in the department who declined?

I once said no to something which I thought ridiculous and the disapproval didn't last long, beyond a 'would you like to think again?' - I still said no and that was the end of it.

2014newme · 19/04/2017 14:52

Well done management.

Original poster
user1485342611 · 19/04/2017 14:53

Maybe not Flora. But a lot of people do find it hard to say 'no' to collections, so there needs to be some kind of control on the whole thing. I have seen people start collections for house warming presents, 30th birthday presents and other random stuff and go around everyone with an envelope. That's putting unfair pressure on your colleagues, in my opinion.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 19/04/2017 14:55

Of course they were. I never get that it's not "compulsory" to contribute to a collection, it's actually fairly difficult deciding to be the only misery guts to say no.
It's a nonsensical reason for collection anyway, who wants a present from your mum's workplace?

Floggingmolly · 19/04/2017 14:57

You were instructed to have another think about it, morning? Grin
They always give the job to the ones who won't take a simple no for an answer!

kirstxx · 19/04/2017 14:57

YANBU it was like this at my old work. Collections for everyone's birthday to get a load of presents and then less popular people were left out because they didn't have as many people to go around and nag. IMO it should just be a card unless it's a 'significant' birthday.

I had only worked there about a year and a half. It was an insurance company with a fairly high staff turnover so by the time I was leaving most of the people there didn't know me well started with a great group of people and then it started to become clique-y
I felt so awkward being presented with presents but ultimately grateful to whoever contributed and slightly guilty that people may have felt they had to contribute I overthink a lot

nothercupoftea · 19/04/2017 14:57

Very well done from your management, finally some common sense.

Bufferingkisses · 19/04/2017 14:57

Good for management! When my first grandchild arrived the two ladies I directly work with brought a card and outfit. I was shocked and really pleased. Big boss said congrats, others asked after dd, asked to see a photo, knew nothing about it, commented that I'd lose my freedom or other assorted responses. All of which are what I'd expect.

Collections are weddings, own babies and retirements. Occasionally significant birthdays get a quick whip round or a pint if you have a night out. Anything more becomes ridiculous.

floraeasy · 19/04/2017 15:06

Collections are getting out of all control IMO. I agree with the management! Times are tough at the moment, surely we could do with reducing the collections at work not increasing them?

CasperGutman · 19/04/2017 15:13

I can see why you might be relieved.

At my last workplace collections were done by passing a largely brown envelope round. Sometimes it would sit on somebody's desk for a while, eg if they were in a meeting. As a result, nobody knew how much you'd put in - if anything.

This seemed like a good way of doing it - as long as there was sufficient trust that nobody would take out rather putting money in!