Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To think management were right to veto this collection?

69 replies

user1485342611 · 19/04/2017 14:27

A couple of women at work have recently become grandparents, and two more women have first grandchildren due in the next few months.

A colleague started collections to buy presents for the two new babies, but management stepped in and said office wide collections for grandchildren were 'not appropriate.'

A few people are annoyed, but others are relieved as we already have collections for colleagues' new babies, weddings, leaving or retiring, and it can just get a bit much at times.

AIBU to think management were right to step in and were not 'treating us like kids' as one colleague has stated.

OP posts:

Phoebefromfriends · 19/04/2017 16:51

I recently shut down an email trail about raising money for a moving in present and they wanted us to contribute £2 per month until the house was built which was due 2 months after the email but has since been delayed by another 2 months. I've got some debt and can't afford to buy so in my email to the team I pointed out this was ridiculous I said I'd gratefully recieve any money to help me buy a house. Loads of the team were grateful I'd intervened as it was getting out of hand. I'm sure the next email would have had a Just Giving page link in it so we could set up a direct debit.

Floggingmolly · 19/04/2017 16:56

Who was instigating the housewarming gift, phoebe?

Want2bSupermum · 19/04/2017 17:06

Phoebe That is crazy. There was me thinking I was being a great manager by letting people who are moving take 2-3 days off on the quiet with pay. I do recognize when team members move and I get a card, no gift. The team all add to the card.

I have been split between clients and the team I am part of, but not running, on the bigger client is a nightmare. They only celebrate birthdays of those who are managers and above. My impact on that team was to have a cake once a month to celebrate everyone who had a birthday in that month. I then got the heck out of that team as quickly as I could. It says something about the management of the team when you don't recognize everyone. It is just wholly unacceptable to me.

Oh and no ages on birthday cakes. We aren't in kindergarten! They wanted to get my age for a cake. I gave them the line that I am a lady and consider myself ageless. Cheeky bugger.

Phoebefromfriends · 19/04/2017 17:16

I'm so glad you think it's crazy, they all seemed to accept it at first until I wrote a really bitchy but equally funny response. I've lived in London previously and everyone was moving house regularly. What made it worse is the person in question isn't exactly bad off as they are looking at spending a couple of grand on handmade bespoke wardrobes.

nannybeach · 19/04/2017 17:20

I used to work in a HUGE company half the time I didnt even know the people the collection was for. Folk would retire have a BIG collection, then come back to work! Very expensive/

CoolCarrie · 19/04/2017 17:43

An ex boyfriend of mine was bullied out of a job by this type of thing. First job out of school, he had only started a week before and haven't worked with, or knew the person who the collection was for, but others made his life a misery. At the time I said he as better off out of it anyway if people could be soo nasty.
Your management were right to stop this in its tracks.

ScarlettFreestone · 19/04/2017 17:44

Floralnomad I get that you don't feel obliged to contribute to everything (neither do I personally) my point was that it's naive to assume that everyone feels the same way.

We've had threads on MN where posters put their last fiver for the week into collection cards and had to go without as a result.

Lots of people feel terrible social pressure to conform.

BoneyBackJefferson · 19/04/2017 17:46

Good on your management.

After years of putting in for others and not getting fuck all, I no longer put in unless it is departmental.

But then I am also the bastard that reported the amount of "charity spam" that we were getting on the work e-mail system.

Trifleorbust · 19/04/2017 18:09

Definitely a reasonable decision. People don't have endless cash for gifts for colleagues.

GaelicSiog · 19/04/2017 18:11

My mam's work organised something like this when I had DD, so her DGD. However.

Mam had worked there since I was tiny, so most of them who had been there for a while at least knew of me.

I found out I was pregnant really, really late. It was a total shock and I had none of the normal build up preparation time. Siblings clubbed together to lend me their baby stuff they weren't using, mam's work collection was mostly baby clothes, nappies, blankets, that kind of stuff, and lots of it was second hand. Which I was totally grateful for, the point is they didn't all go out and buy stuff. They absolutely didn't do a collection every time someone had a child, let alone a grandchild.

evensmilingmakesmyfacehurt · 19/04/2017 18:16

We send cards around for birthdays and only collections for something important e.g going on mat leave, weddings, significant birthdays etc...

Also rather than do leaving presents our team goes out for a lunch / drink.

Atenco · 19/04/2017 18:31

Well, in fairness Expat, if someone's leaving a job they've been in for years it would be a bit sad if they were sent off empty handed

Well then the management should buy them something as well as anyone else who is so moved.

RaspberryOverloadsOnChilli · 19/04/2017 18:37

There's around 60-70 people in our department, and I know most of them.

We do collections for leaving/retirement, weddings, and sometimes babies.

No one is obligated into contributing, but it's no more than £1 ever, and I have passed on a few, eg when I haven't known the person. An envelope goes round, and no-one watches what you put in.

I think anyone trying to raise a collection for a house move or grandchild would be laughed off, no way would we go that far.

ScarletForYa · 19/04/2017 18:42

Someone suggested a collection for a woman in work getting engaged a while back.

It came to nothing thankfully.

GaelicSiog · 19/04/2017 18:44

I don't think people know where to stop nowadays. My "collection" was only 7 years ago but I gave all the second hand stuff back unless they specifically said to my mother they wouldn't be needing it for future kids. Everywhere seems to have moved towards a collection for everything in such a short space of time. Who needs a collection for getting engaged?

Auldspinster · 19/04/2017 18:49

I got let go from a government dept after 19 years (which is a whole other story), and got fuck all, not even a card.

Meekonsandwich · 19/04/2017 19:45

Ugh I used to hate this!!!!
It creates resentment and hurt feelings.
Can't contribute?
Guilt trip,
Can't give much?
Guilt trip,
"Sandra gave £10 but I guess your £2 Is okay"
Dont know them well?
No one contributes. Or people forget.
Not popular?
Well now everybody feels bad.

If you think its that important to get them a card and gift, get them one. They'll appreciate 5 genuine cards from different friends more than 1 card who god knows who bought and Ihave no idea who that person is who signed it?!
It's a popularity contest and I thought we d left school.

GaelicSiog · 19/04/2017 19:47

I find never having cash on me works well

Asmoto · 19/04/2017 19:52

god knows who bought and Ihave no idea who that person is who signed it?!

I remember someone unwittingly signing their own birthday card when it was being passed around the office.

Flip

1 2 3