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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Welsh wedding invitation.

653 replies

Spikeyplant · 18/04/2017 22:39

Just as it says in the title really.

My DH has a significantly younger relative who is getting married this summer. We have just received an invitation to the wedding, written entirely in Welsh. Neither DH or I speak Welsh and the bride and groom are well aware of this.

I am totally cool with somebody who grew up in a Welsh first language family wanting to celebrate their wedding in their language. However I can't help feeling it is a bit rude to send out invitations in a language many guests can't understand without even a short note in a mutually spoken language.

AIBU?

OP posts:
nemno · 20/04/2017 18:18

If you have no reason to think the bridal pair would wish to be rude to you then I would assume they are not being rude. They have merely misjudged your reaction.

CoolJazz · 20/04/2017 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cowssheephens · 20/04/2017 18:22

Should they say their vows in English then, to make sure that OP understands?

I'm Welsh through and through, I hardly speak English tbh. All my family are Welsh, it's essential I speak Welsh in my job at all times and there are some of the older generation in my family who are only able to speak Welsh. I speak English every now and again...gym, oil man, when we go into the city maybe, and that's only three four times a year.

Ma ishe gras, sdim clem da rhai am yr iaith Gymraeg.

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 20/04/2017 18:23

Just phone them and ask for a translation, ffs.

Seriously, this much angst over an invitation in Welsh from Welsh people? Being insulted and assuming you're not wanted? Really, what the fucking fuck?

needmymouthsewnup · 20/04/2017 18:25

I can't remember who said this and it was a good few pages back, but they mentioned that it would be easy to infer 'nous avons le plaisir de vous inviter au mariage ...' without needing it translated . Well yes, but that's because plaisir (pleasure), inviter (invite) and mariage (marriage) are very similar in French and English! With the help of the much exalted Google translate, those 3 words appear to be gwahoddwch, pleser and priodas (apologies if this is wrong) in Welsh. With the exception of pleser, which I could probably guess, I would have no idea what the others meant.
It does feel like this has gone from 'was this intentionally rude?' to 'how the English oppressed the Welsh and tried to eradicate the language', and it seems like the defensiveness stems more from history than to a reply to the actual question. I honestly don't see this as an anti-Welsh argument at all. I speak several languages (alas, not Welsh, but never say never) and would always make the effort to learn at least some of the language of the place I'm visiting. I hate English speakers abroad who just talk louder if they can't get themselves understood and who have a superiority complex when it comes to other countries speaking their language. I think it's lovely the wedding will be in Welsh and the bride and groom should not feel they should have to compromise by having it in English. But I still think it's a bit rude to not at least include a small note with the basics of the invitation in. As I've mentioned before, I did this for my French speaking friends when I got married (even though I know some of them spoke at least some English).

Morewashingtodo · 20/04/2017 18:25

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needmymouthsewnup · 20/04/2017 18:28

Ah yes, I had an invite to a wedding in Germany. They sent me an invite in German. How rude

Do you speak any German?

riceuten · 20/04/2017 18:28

I'm loving this - "they're doing this on purpose" - what rot. Yes, they DELIBERATELY sent you a letter and paid for a stamp and printing it JUST to wind you up. Perhaps on Planet Paranoid, but meanwhile, back on Planet Earth. It's in Wales, in a Welsh speaking area, where people speak Welsh. If that makes you feel uncomfortable, send your apologies. If they really hated you, they wouldn't've invited you at all.

I received a wedding invite to Serbia, in Serbian (which is written in Cyrillic) and yes, we managed to translate it and attend the service (entirely in Serbian) and after do (we were the only non-Serbian-Croatian speaking guests), and enjoy ourselves. The hosts were delighted we came.

Tapandgo · 20/04/2017 18:35

a 'dèanamh do bhanais aoighean cofhurtail e riatanach

BitOutOfPractice · 20/04/2017 18:40

I was invited to a wedding in Holland. The rude wankers sent me an invite in Dutch. They even had the nerve to conduct their nuptuals in Dutch, even though they knew I was there and only speak a tiny bit of Dutch. What a snub Sad

In revenge I learned a few key phrases like "Congratulations on your wedding" in Dutch and selflessly enjoyed their free bar hospitality.

It was a real ask for me but I battled through.

May I suggest that you swallow this massive and intentional snub OP and do the same?

MinesaBottle · 20/04/2017 18:40

Maybe they did English ones too and sent you the Welsh version by mistake?

CoolJazz · 20/04/2017 18:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cowssheephens · 20/04/2017 18:43

CoolJazz 🤣

AcaciaYou · 20/04/2017 18:43

I went to a four-day wedding in a country where I didn't speak the language. I was the only Brit, and the only person who couldn't understand what was going on.

I wasn't offended by the invitation, or by the ceremony, speeches and everything else being in the language I didn't speak. I made a huge effort, I really did, but it was easily the longest four days of my life and I have never felt more isolated or lonely.

So I would politely decline, op, and wish them well.

Nessie71 · 20/04/2017 18:47

How dare they send you a wedding invite in their own language....if they didnt want you there would they really bother sending out a invite in any language!!

BonnesVacances · 20/04/2017 18:47

Gosh! I feel ashamed now that I sent a wedding invitation to our Spanish friends in English! Blush I think we must be really lucky they accepted and came to our wedding.

GreatFuckability · 20/04/2017 18:52

Its the assumption that all us Welsh speaking fuckers care so little about anyone who doesn't speak the language that we deliberately exclude them from our conversations, that we would go to all the effort when planning our wedding to send out an invitation to someone in a big 'Fuck You English Speaker' gesture so they'd know they weren't welcome at our weddings that grinds my gears.
What kind of person assumes that instead of making a mistake or possibly in the busy-ness of wedding planning forgetting to get the invites translated, their family member instead chooses the most weirdly passive aggressive way to make you refuse the invitation???

I just don't get it.

purplecabbage · 20/04/2017 18:53

You do seem piqued and offended by this invitation; do you really want to attend? Are there other issues to do with attending or not? I can't help but wonder that if you were keen and enthusiastic about this wedding, you might have shrugged off the invite as a joke or contacted the couple for clarification.

CoolJazz · 20/04/2017 18:57

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BitOutOfPractice · 20/04/2017 19:00

acacia Ithink going toa four day wedding alone, in a country where you don't speak a word is slightly different from the OP going to an ordinary 1 day British wedding where chances are that most people will be able to speak English to help them out if needs be

CoolJazz · 20/04/2017 19:01

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wellhonestly · 20/04/2017 19:02

Haven't RTFT (16 pages - wow! Hope OP is still reading it...)

If I received a wedding invitation in the couple's first language I wouldn't expect them to send a translation. I have been invited to several events (get me!) in other languages and it is not beyond the wit of woman to have them translated especially with the modern wonders of Google.

I would definitely NOT take the hump if it wasn't written in my first language. It's about their big day OP, and how they want to have it. In Welsh. You should be supportive of them, not insulted/ offended.

WendyMad · 20/04/2017 19:05

Just phone them and ask! Maybe they left the translation out by mistake, or sent you the Welsh one by mistake. Easy to do when sending out lots of invitations.

needmymouthsewnup · 20/04/2017 19:07

GreatFuckability I agree that there is probably a more likely explanation, but I guess we just don't know what it is. But you say that you find it annoying that everyone assumes that it's done on purpose because Welsh speakers don't care about their guests etc, but there have been a number of Welsh speakers on here who have basically said why should they write anything in English, it's their language and (rather off topic) Welsh was forbidden by the English (all of which are true I'm sure) but it does kind of imply there are people who do feel that way? That said, those who said they would refuse to go if they couldn't understand the ceremony are equally rude and insular imo.

To all those saying 'I received an invitation from a friend/family in x language' - the fact that you have a relationship with someone who speaks another language implies that one of you will speak the other´s language, otherwise there would be no relationship. So surely it makes sense that if one were to invite the other to an event, that they would know which language to communicate in? Eg 'I received an invitation to SIL´s wedding in Polish, how rude!? (sarcastic), I assume your DH (SIL´s brother?) must speak Polish, so it's kind of a moot point because the invitation will be understood by one of you?

OP, just phone them and ask them to translate and give you more details! You'll soon work out if they want you there or not!

nickbutnosaint · 20/04/2017 19:07

The people complaining about Welsh people speaking Welsh in Wales(in the presence of English people) are probably the same people who expect the natives to speak English when they go abroad. My Father always ensured that when we went abroad as a family we always learnt some basic words in the relevant language. When English people go abroad I expect they continue to speak English, is this not rude for the natives? OP with your attitude I am not surprised the happy couple do not really want you there. I am English and when in Wales I don't mind the Welsh speaking Welsh why should I . It is no different than any other person speaking their native language in their own Country. Do I assume they are talking about me.? Do I care if they are ?NO. Plus the argument that only a small percentage of Welsh people speak actually speak Welsh , well perhaps the happy couple are in that small minority. If you are that concerned OP contact the couple and ask what their motives are instead of you snubbing them and slagging them off on here.