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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask about confidentiality

231 replies

SoyaCoconutOrAlmond · 18/04/2017 19:18

DH is an addict. Has been for a while. He managed to stop through sheer willpower and started again.

Clearly he needs professional help. Problem is he works for the NHS and people have been suspended/struck off for being addicted .

Is there any way he can obtain professional support without it compromising his career?

OP posts:
PacificDogwod · 18/04/2017 20:39

I have supported HCP struggling with addiction.

He is more likely to be suspended if he fails to seek help with his addiction than if he does.

It is not up to him to decide whether anybody is at risk; it is up to the treating addictions specialist. There is no way he can be objective about his own health.

I'd very strongly encourage him to seek help - it IS out there and for his own health and his longterm career he is FAR better accessing help than not.

EMSMUM16 · 18/04/2017 20:39

He could use voluntary organisations, there's loads about. Doesn't have to be within the NHS. My son has severe eating disorder problems & after years of failed attempts to help by the NHS we have gone private anyway. Sorry but the NHS did not help & his trust disintegrated with the lack of support offered.

Original poster
SoyaCoconutOrAlmond · 18/04/2017 20:42

Don't apologise, I'm sorry your son wasn't helped by the NHS Flowers Is he currently in recovery?

OP posts:
Ollycat · 18/04/2017 20:44

But he is lying every time he goes to work!

I thought exactly like you about my dh - I thought I knew how bad things were - I knew nothing!!! His whole life is built on deceit and covering up his addiction and feeding his addiction.

He needs proper help. He is not capable of accurately assessing the situation.

Don't let him drive.

PacificDogwod · 18/04/2017 20:44

What options has you DH explored so far?
What I mean: what has he done to find out what his options are?

You think he needs help but you cannot do this for him.
As the saying goes "Where there's a will, there's a way; where there's no will, there's an excuse".
I'm in no way suggesting that his way forward is an easy one, but it is one that he has to tread.

Lots of good suggestions here.

JaneEyre70 · 18/04/2017 20:44

You mentioned that his access to medication may be a sticking point OP. But where is his supply actually coming from? If he is taking from work then he's already on very dangerous ground........

FairytalesAreBullshit · 18/04/2017 20:45

He's not the first nor will be the last.

I think you'll find it's more endemic than you realise.

Firstly he needs to want to be free from this. He needs to accept there's a problem. He needs to get signed off from work whilst he deals with it.

I helped a friend who suffered from alcohol related issues, there are services that I don't believe are linked to the HA/PCT. if he's being responsible, why would they strike him off?

Generally I'd say if he's in a mood where all appears fine, whatever his poison he is actively using.

Imagine through no fault of his, something happens to a patient and they investigate and find certain drugs in his system, they will want to know what GP prescribed it, what was the reason, etc.

TheLuminaries · 18/04/2017 20:45

OP you are too invested and not thinking clearly. My mum is married to an alcoholic and I know he drives after drinking on occasion - she will not accept how dangerous this is & how the alcohol has affected him. Your sentence about letting him drive your children on a motorway when he has used is very revealing - you are programmed to minimise the risk because opening that door would bring down your house of cards.

Original poster
SoyaCoconutOrAlmond · 18/04/2017 20:46

He's mostly tries to stop himself. He's even managed it. In march, he had some leave and managed to stay off it for nearly a month.

I agree, lots of great suggestions :)

OP posts:
Hulder · 18/04/2017 20:48

Far and away the best thing he can do is be fully open with NHS Occ Health - if you show insight into your problems and do what they say, then they will be delighted.

The absolute worst thing he can do is try to cover it up or deal with it in secret and then get found it - that is a sure fire was to being reported to his professional body, being suspended etc etc.

CotswoldStrife · 18/04/2017 20:49

So when you say he stopped by pure willpower, it was for just one month and when he didn't have access in work Hmm

You come across as minimising the problem OP. He seems to be a risk to himself and others.

Babymamamama · 18/04/2017 20:49

Could he take a sabbatical and use the time to complete rehab? But I agree with other posters the ongoing access to meds in his current career choice is a big risk factor in his relapsing. If meds is what he is using?

Original poster
SoyaCoconutOrAlmond · 18/04/2017 20:49

Unfortunately, that's not really true hulder

When it's an A or B situation they absolutely do prefer A but from DHs point of view option C is still viable.

OP posts:
FairytalesAreBullshit · 18/04/2017 20:49

If he's getting it from the streets, I imagine that is better than him getting it from work some how.

If he isn't climbing the walls, I can say with confidence he is using.

As I said through a long period of vomiting I was without various medications in my system, I was in a proper state.

Original poster
SoyaCoconutOrAlmond · 18/04/2017 20:50

He managed to stop for - gosh, nearly a year. Then things got difficult around Christmas.

He then stopped again in March. He is able to stop and then things become difficult again.

OP posts:
EachandEveryone · 18/04/2017 20:52

If he's a doctor believe me he will get support from work. Nurse? Not so much.

Ollycat · 18/04/2017 20:53

OP I hate to say it but I very much doubt he stopped for a month A's from what you said his withdrawal would be severe.

As someone else mentioned you're whole life is about smoothing things over and making things all look ok - I've been there and done that - I really know how shit it all is and how his addiction dominates your whole life.

I know I'm shouting and I know I'm repeating myself - protect yourself, your children and his patients and get proper help now.

FairytalesAreBullshit · 18/04/2017 20:53

Can you recognise the symptoms when he has stopped?

Can you give an indication as to what type of medication is being abused.

We are replying as we want to help. Flowers

Original poster
SoyaCoconutOrAlmond · 18/04/2017 20:54

It has to come from him Olly, you know this.

But if I have an organisation where I can say to him - look, you can get help from here - he might just go for it. Otherwise we're fumbling in the dark.

OP posts:
Original poster
SoyaCoconutOrAlmond · 18/04/2017 20:56

Bad sleeping mostly. Pacing around half the night. Desperate for sex but unable to maintain an erection (sorry). Endless complaints about this hurts and that hurts (DH is a drama llama anyway so hard to tell if it's genuine or I-can't-be-arsed-to-take-DCs-to-park.)

OP posts:
Ollycat · 18/04/2017 20:56

You keep mentioning your dh's fear of being struck off. The fact that this is his major fear is very telling - he's not worried about patient safety just his image and job prospects. If nothing else this absolutely shows his complete inability to judge the seriousness of situation and his role in it.

Original poster
SoyaCoconutOrAlmond · 18/04/2017 20:58

That's because patients aren't at risk ollycat

From his point of view it is

"Becausemyubare an addict you might do this. You say you never would and there is no evidence to suggest you ever have, but because you are an addict, you might, so we'll strike you off.'

OP posts:
Original poster
SoyaCoconutOrAlmond · 18/04/2017 20:59

Space bar isn't working so well, sorry - 'because you are an'

OP posts:
Crumbs1 · 18/04/2017 20:59

Do you not feel a moral responsibility to protect vulnerable patients? You let your children in his car when he's under the influence of drugs?
He needs to speak to occupational health and be transferred to an area without access to drugs. If he hasn't stolen drugs at work then he will be protected under equality legislation but if he's been stealing drugs from patients or self prescribing it's a criminal offence. He needs to face the music not run away.

wickerlampshade · 18/04/2017 20:59

laguna that makes sense then. NHS in Scotland is a very different beast to down South!