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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman is an arsehole?

184 replies

parkQlsss · 16/04/2017 23:31

Hubby was in a fender bender a few days ago. He rear ended a woman in stop-and-go traffic VERY slowly. She got out screaming at him, even after he apologized and admitted fault... Hubby's truck had no damage and her car had basically none, just a few scratches on the bumper. Anyway, they exchanged insurance information but did not call the police. Now she is claiming that her car has over £1500 in damage and she has neck pain! Her car had almost zero damage, and I can't believe a few scratches would cost £1500 to fix. And she is claiming that she is going to miss work for her "neck pain" from a tiny bump, even after she immediately jumped out and started screaming at my husband! AIBU to think that she is being an arsehole and taking advantage of us?

OP posts:
JustMumNowNotMe · 17/04/2017 06:30

Your husband hit her, he caused this so if you are going to be pissed off with anyone it should be him.

Like some of the others I've been hit whilst stationary, we'd joined the motorway and the traffic was at a standstill st the bottom of the slip road waiting to merge, the woman behind wasn't paying attention and flew into the back of us.

Dhs car looked alright and we felt ok, but the next day my bsck and neck were frozen and agony, and when the car went in for the bumper to be repaired, it turned out the damage underneath was more severe so ended up being £900 repair!

Stop minimising his behaviour, bollocks was he only doing 5mph! I'm guessing you don't drive, because if you did you'd know that in a large vehicle, even at 10mph you are barely crawling along .

anyway123 · 17/04/2017 06:31

I was reversed into at a low speed and whilst there didn't appear to be much visible damage to my car it was written off because of damage under the bonnet.

As for the whiplash, hard to know whether she is genuinely injured and even harder to prove she isn't. I personally wasn't injured after my bump but had 2 years worth of phone calls from no win no fee solicitors trying to persuade me to make a claim, which is totally wrong. I still get them now occasionally, I wouldn't consider taking them up on it but I'm sure there plenty that would give in to their endless pestering.

Jellymuffin · 17/04/2017 06:32

You're husband was probably driving too close for a long time which is massively intimidating. To drive slowly into the back of someone means he was far too close and not paying attention. She now has to sort her car out at massive inconvenience to her because of you dick of a hisband's aggressive driving, happened to me if you can't tell and it turned my life upside down for 4 months while it got sorted Angry.

Vroomster · 17/04/2017 06:33

When someone drove into the back of my car it wasn't until I got home that my neck started to hurt and continued for several days. The car needed the bumper replacing, back panel and new parking sensors.

She may well be chancing it, leave it to the insurance company to decide the damage. Either way, your DH drove in to her so this is his fault.

GinIsIn · 17/04/2017 06:38

Your DH was in a truck and he drove into her. You aren't actually certain what speed he was going at, and if he wasn't paying enough attention to the fact there was an entire car in his way, what makes you think he was paying attention to the speed? Hmm He could quite well have injured her and even minor damage to a car can be expensive, especially when it's caused by a bloody big truck. Be thankful it wasn't worse, and your DH should probably drive a smaller vehicle if he can't pay attention to the road.

Thinkingblonde · 17/04/2017 06:45

I. Was rear ended when stationary at traffic lights. I was in neutral gear with the handbrake on.
The woman driver who hit me was wearing flip flops and her foot slipped off the clutch, causing her car to lurch forward into the back of mine. Her car was a new Golf, mine was a newish Fiesta, she was very apologetic, both inspected the damage to both cars, not much at first glance to mine apart from two dents in the bumper from the covers over the screws on her number plate. We exchanged details and went our separate ways.
It was only when I got home and looked more closely at the damage did I realise that the bumper was pushed in on one side, the boot lid where the rear number plate is housed looked skew whiff, the parking sensors were damaged too.
£2.500 damage to my car from a low speed collision.

JustMumNowNotMe · 17/04/2017 06:47

I drive a big car, and when I move off it's registering at around 8mph before we are even moving, so even crawling along is well over 10mph. I would imagine a van would be even heavier than my car and need more torque to move off so would also be going considerably faster than the 5mph stated.

Devilishpyjamas · 17/04/2017 06:55

My husbands car was written off by someone driving into him in a supermarket car park.

Also know cars are designed to crumple when hit so you can get a lot of damage from a minor scrape.

Leave it up to the insurance companies.

Devilishpyjamas · 17/04/2017 06:56

And yes - he must have been going over 5 mph

Crashbangwhatausername · 17/04/2017 07:01

I was once stuck in traffic, going uphill through a small country village in a tiny car (setting the scene) I was very stop-start and never moving more than about five foot at a time, I was going less than 5mph when I managed to rear end the car in front and when they took their large I should car to the garage they were quoted a couple of grand, luckily they were nice people and called and asked if they took it to a local guy and didn't go through insurance would we be happy to pay? We were - £200 was far better. And I suspect garages see ££ signs sometimes when insurers are paying. should add being heavily pregnant may have helped the couple take pity on me and the wife had apparently done exactly the same thing to someone when pregnant herself

Crashbangwhatausername · 17/04/2017 07:02
  • large I should = largeish
WhataHexIgotinto · 17/04/2017 07:11

Were you in the truck with him OP or did he tell you what happened?

elodie2000 · 17/04/2017 07:13

Were you in the truck with him OP?
No? Did the woman scream like a banshee at your 'hubby' really? Was he going 5mph really?
It's up to the insurance companies to decide. Not your call.

beekeeper17 · 17/04/2017 07:13

I have a friend who was in a very minor crash at hardly any speed, she was on a motorbike and the other lady was in a car. It was completely the other lady's fault and my friend was a bit bruised but ok. There is no way the lady could have had injuries. She said she had all these injuries and that my friend had been at fault and the insurance companies believed her and if affected my friend's insurance massively.

Turned out she was a lawyer and knew exactly how to play the system. Hopefully it's not so easy to do these days but I was disgusted at how she could do that to someone.

elodie2000 · 17/04/2017 07:14

Xpost WhataHex

frumpet · 17/04/2017 07:17

I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss her 'whiplash' . Very few people sit in a totally forward facing position , with their headrest adjusted correctly, all the time when they are driving . We move our heads slightly to check mirrors etc.

user1491148352 · 17/04/2017 07:26

YABU. Your husband was driving without due care and attention. He could have killed her. So start by accepting responsibility for causing the accident. Your husband's fault, not hers.
Taking a car anywhere near a repair shop costs at least £1000. £1500 is nothing. If the repair is expensive, blame the garage, not the woman your DH drove into.

youokayhun · 17/04/2017 07:32

Have rtft but can I just say I was in stand still traffic on the motorway however someone hit me from behind and whilst the damage appeared only cosmetic at first he'd actually snapped my suspension arm, buckled the wheel and whilst cosmetic stuff appeared minimal it would have required entire panels to be repainted, causing my car to actually be a write off. doesn't necessarily mean she's lying.

Procrastination4 · 17/04/2017 07:36

I'm not a believer in whiplash, but the damage to a car at that speed can be considerable.

I was involved in a car crash(I was driving on the main road and the other driver pulled out from a side road straight in front of me) at the age of 22. It was a good few hours later-that night in fact- when I started to feel the most awful burning pain in my neck. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It abated over time, but my neck has never truly healed and I've had many trips to physiotherapists and have had acupuncture for various problems with it over the years. I now sleep on a wedge shaped pillow as regular pillows make me adopt a poor sleeping position which can cause a flare up of neck pain.
This happened over thirty years ago. It is easy to be dismissive of whiplash if you haven't experienced it or know someone who has experienced it, I suppose.
To the OP, let the insurance sort it and let your husband learn from his mistake and be more vigilant on the road in future.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/04/2017 07:43

Well she might be an arsehole, or she might be actually right.

I had a handbrake failure while parked on a mild hill - I was getting DS2 out of the child seat in the back of the car when I heard the damn handbrake click off, and the car rolled oh so slowly down the hill into the back of a brand new Jeep (with me clinging onto the door trying to stop it - ha bloody ha!)

Anyway. Tiny, almost invisible ding in their plastic bumper, and what appeared to be a tiny ding in my bull-bar. I left my details and when the woman phoned me, I got a bit of a shock - it was going to be about $800 (roughly £480) to fix. Because it was a whole new plastic bumper job.
Turned out my car wasn't as undamaged as I thought either - that oh-so-slow roll down the hill, for about 10m, bent my bull bar right back over the bonnet as well. Luckily for me a very nice car mechanic managed to pull it far enough forward so I can get the bonnet open, but I haven't had the crumpled struts dealt with yet (should).

DS2 wasn't hurt but he did complain about a sore neck when it happened, just from the unexpected jolt. No whiplash though (I had him checked)

So, y'know - she could be right. But you should go through insurance anyway because failure to disclose an accident, however minor, can invalidate your insurance.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/04/2017 07:43

Well she might be an arsehole, or she might be actually right.

I had a handbrake failure while parked on a mild hill - I was getting DS2 out of the child seat in the back of the car when I heard the damn handbrake click off, and the car rolled oh so slowly down the hill into the back of a brand new Jeep (with me clinging onto the door trying to stop it - ha bloody ha!)

Anyway. Tiny, almost invisible ding in their plastic bumper, and what appeared to be a tiny ding in my bull-bar. I left my details and when the woman phoned me, I got a bit of a shock - it was going to be about $800 (roughly £480) to fix. Because it was a whole new plastic bumper job.
Turned out my car wasn't as undamaged as I thought either - that oh-so-slow roll down the hill, for about 10m, bent my bull bar right back over the bonnet as well. Luckily for me a very nice car mechanic managed to pull it far enough forward so I can get the bonnet open, but I haven't had the crumpled struts dealt with yet (should).

DS2 wasn't hurt but he did complain about a sore neck when it happened, just from the unexpected jolt. No whiplash though (I had him checked)

So, y'know - she could be right. But you should go through insurance anyway because failure to disclose an accident, however minor, can invalidate your insurance.

Backinthebox · 17/04/2017 07:45

Yabu.

I was rear-ended in standing traffic. My crappy little car was written off as a result. Trust me, I would much rather not have had to deal with the hassle of the paperwork and phone calls afterwards. The insurance case was eventually closed and I was paid out, but nearly 2 years later the twat who drove into me is still claiming that I caused him to drive into me by stopping on a motorway - well yes. Of course I stopped - the car ahead had stopped too, as had several hundred cars ahead of that one. And don't get me started on the ambulance chasers that are still bothering me.

You mentioned truck. one of my pet hates is tailgating, aggressive, inattentive, entitled truck driving arseholes who feel they own the road but are more likely to cause an accident. Your husband drove into someone - suck it up.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/04/2017 07:47

And I've had whiplash from a relatively low speed rear-end as well - it bloody hurts! It's because you don't expect the jolt - if you're the one who sees the accident about to happen, you brace instinctively - if you're the one being hit, you don't get that option so you're more likely to be damaged by the jolt. I'm pretty sure that various doctors (like the one I had to see) etc. would be quick to tell you that whiplash is "all in your mind" if it didn't exist, so bollocks to "I don't believe in whiplash". I expect you "don't believe" in headaches, either, because you can't see them, eh? Hmm

insancerre · 17/04/2017 07:53

Yabu
And what sort of arsehole drives into the back of someone's car with a truck?

derxa · 17/04/2017 07:53

I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss her 'whiplash' I would.
www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/autumn-statement/12017199/Autumn-Statement-2015-End-of-the-road-for-dodgy-whiplash-claims.html