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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In thinking it's wrong having to explain my sex life to my parents?

152 replies

ScouseBird8364 · 16/04/2017 22:47

Loooooong story short, me (34) and my sister (39, a crank!) basically fell out a long time ago (my parents also had to wash their hands of her) and over the past 6 months or so, she has decided to divulge my 'secrets' which I confided in her with over the years, to my parents, but in relation to guys I've dated, or affairs / flings I've had. My parents told me they "didn't think I was like that" - obviously thought I'd never had sex and my children were conceived by immaculate conception Hmm. Anyhow, a recent 'fling' I've had (I've been single now for 8 months) she has found out about and yet again, decided to divulge this to my mum. Now, I'm getting the sh!tty texts from my mum, telling me I'm wrong for having sex with a guy etc, and I'm sat here like a quivering wreck in case my dad finds out - he would disown me! I'm 34, AIBU to think my sex life has nothing to do with my parents and is my business??

OP posts:
Thunderwing · 17/04/2017 11:50

I'm assuming that PP's questioning the OP about the rights and wrongs of having sex in the house while the kids are upstairs never ever have sex with their OH while children are in the house then?!

OP - who you have sex with is your business and yours alone. Your sister, mum and dad all need to be told to keep their beaks out.

floraeasy · 17/04/2017 11:50

Your sister is a drama llama and your parents, for their own reasons, encourage it. You don't have to be a part of this, you know. Stand your ground.

Original poster
ScouseBird8364 · 17/04/2017 12:04

Thankyou so much guys for your replies - it really is making me feel stronger to deal with this (I suffer from Generalised Anxiety Disorder, so clearly, my levels are through the roof right now) Sad I thought I'd finally managed to get my evil sister out of my life for good, but seems she will just keep popping up, no matter what. I am concerned that the way she found out now is from a very good friend, which is currently breaking my heart, but I have suspicion's now (can't exactly ask said friend outright though can I?) SadSad

OP posts:
Thunderwing · 17/04/2017 12:22

Why not?

I understand you may not want to hear if your friend has betrayed your confidence, but you absolutely should be able to speak to her about this. Only then will you know for sure.

DearMrDilkington · 17/04/2017 12:32

Why on earth are you even in contact with your parents? They're cleary horrible people and treat you appallingly. Cut them off and feel the anxiety melt awayFlowers

Italiangreyhound · 17/04/2017 12:38

Yes you can ask friend outright.

Are you having counselling for your anxiety?

I had CBT(cognitive behavioural therapy) almost 20 years ago and my anxiety was cured. I had it on the NHS.

Hope you can find the right help for you.Flowers

malificent7 · 17/04/2017 12:53

No longer confide.. your parents sound as dotty as your sister.

Original poster
ScouseBird8364 · 17/04/2017 12:57

malificent7 spot on advice - In future I will be keeping EVERYTHING to myself. I have been hurt so much over the years by so-called friends I believed I could trust, so kept to myself for a long time. This current friend is wonderful, she really is, but I feel awful in thinking it could be her Sad x

OP posts:
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 17/04/2017 13:09

In the kindest way possible, your parents need a life instead of trying too judge their adult childs.

Even if you decided too host swinging parties from your living room, it's still none of your parents bloody business.

Next time they try too comment, simply refer back to their sex life and quiz them. They will soon shut up!

I find it bizarre a parent trying too object themselves into their childs sex life and have an opinion Confused

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 17/04/2017 13:09

Inject not object

Charlie97 · 17/04/2017 17:18

Firstly, you are allowed to have sex in your home when the DCs are in bed. You know the man he's not a stranger, so I find that a real odd comment by PP.

Secondly. Do not engage with your parents about your sex life. Just say no! I'm not discussing it and don't. Tell them you're not interested in their view.

Easy to say I know, but honestly who do they think they are!!

Italiangreyhound · 17/04/2017 17:35

Yes, of course, you are totally entitled to have sex in your own home. I didn't mean you were not. I was only trying to think of the reason why your parents may be concerned. but of course the previous poster is right, you are entitled to do as you wish in your own home if the dcs are in bed/not around etc.

Ladymadness · 17/04/2017 17:53

Tell them in detail about how much you love anal and offer to show them your extensive collection of masterbatory aids they will soon stop asking about your sex life 😂
Did this to my own mother when she was having a go at myself and sister for talking about wanting to watch 50 shades lmao
Her face was priceless 😂
we are both in our mid 20s with children and partners
Hardly the Virgin Mary

nellieellie · 17/04/2017 18:08

Vaguely tempted to say, make up a load of really disgusting things your sister has done. Serial adultery with a vicar, fellatio in a graveyard, bestiality in centerparcs. Clearly I'm not serious. Your sister sounds foul and your parents seem to have sprung out of a 50s musical (without the fun bits), so ignoring the lots if them seems the best bet.

Original poster
ScouseBird8364 · 17/04/2017 18:36

Ladymadness, I love your reply Grin but I have a feeling my mum would be less than impressed with my Love Honey collection BlushHmmHalo

OP posts:
PeaFaceMcgee · 17/04/2017 18:42

Why are you allowing them all to harrass you in this way? It's a gross invasion of privacy and they sound unhinged.

Original poster
ScouseBird8364 · 17/04/2017 18:51

Peaface, I guess I'm afraid of losing them (my parents that is, not bothered about my so-called sister anymore) Sad

OP posts:
wonderingsoul · 17/04/2017 19:19

Least you didnt open your laptop to show your dad and have porn playing at easter lunch.

I wanted to die right then and there.

But your right. Im sorry your dealimg with this.. its pretty messed up

Woyld it help to act like you dont care. If your parents say anthing just reply with

Im sorry so n so told you that, that must be really uncomfortabke to hear.

RortyCrankle · 17/04/2017 19:43

Next time you visit your parents take out your mobile phone and say something like 'Since you are so fascinated with my sex life, I managed to take a few photos of us in the act. Now the first one is a bit of a close up but I think you'll be able to see although it was difficult as I was doing a bit of a handstand at the time .........'

They will protest and say they are horrified don't want to see pics and you then tell them if they don't want to see them would they please refrain from discussing your sex life or you will be posting prints to them.

|f they want to see them you've got big problems Grin

Littleraincloud · 17/04/2017 19:49

I doubt they've really cut her out if they know all this, it could just be lip service. Tbh the easiest thing would be to pretend to or really get a a new phone line deal so youre numbers changed and not tell your parents youve got landline or internet straight away due to "connection issues". This could take as long as you want. That way they can only contact on your mobile, which you can turn off. I think they are increasing any anxiety you have and a break would be good for you. Blame an incompetent internet provider for the inconvenience of being virtually uncontactable and noone needs to be angry about you basically estranging them

pandarific · 17/04/2017 20:26

I'm sorry OP, that's shitty all round for you.

Is your friend aware that your sister is not to be trusted? Am just wondering whether sister could have manipulated them into giving information in innocence. Rubbish if not. Flowers

Bluntness100 · 17/04/2017 20:33

I don't think it's it's irresponsible as such if you knew him well enough, but it doesn't read like you're in a relationship with this man, simply he's a neighbour who popped round for a cup of tea and you shagged him. It's a bit eighties porno for me if I'm honest, but that's just me. 😋

Just don't tell her in future that's the nub of the issue and be sure you know men well enough that there is no risk to you or your children for your own safety. Being neighbours doesn't automatically mean you really know someone.

Rabblemum · 18/04/2017 17:47

Just say your going out with someone, your an adult and that's all you need to tell them. I really feel for you, your parents don't respect your boundaries and your sister's behaving like the class creep. You're an adult, say as much or as little as you like to your parents and maybe keep contact polite but superficial.

pollymere · 18/04/2017 17:51

My Mum listened to concerned friend whispers about me when I was in my teens. She was more worried about safe sex than shouting at me (as it turned out, it was all false anyway). It's a shame that yours seem to be worried over the wrong things. Your parents should love you for who you are. If she's listening to all this poison its not going to end well anyway. I'd just blithely pass it off with a "well, if you will believe everything you're told!" as if she's just really gullible. Develop an as if attitude on the topic. No need to lie, just make stuff into questions "why would I sleep with x when my children are upstairs? (Because he's sexy...)

Dollymouse · 18/04/2017 17:57

It sounds as if your sister is unwell and is stalking you or at the very least it's harassment. She seems to have a lot of information for someone living far away - so I would suggest she is going out of her way to get it.

As for your parents - we all have strange ones, but this is absolutely none of their business and maybe it's time to put some boundaries in place.

I hope you have some loving friends around you because this sounds like a lonely place to be.

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