In thinking it's wrong having to explain my sex life to my parents?

[ScouseBird8364]

Loooooong story short, me (34) and my sister (39, a crank!) basically fell out a long time ago (my parents also had to wash their hands of her) and over the past 6 months or so, she has decided to divulge my 'secrets' which I confided in her with over the years, to my parents, but in relation to guys I've dated, or affairs / flings I've had. My parents told me they "didn't think I was like that" - obviously thought I'd never had sex and my children were conceived by immaculate conception . Anyhow, a recent 'fling' I've had (I've been single now for 8 months) she has found out about and yet again, decided to divulge this to my mum. Now, I'm getting the sh!tty texts from my mum, telling me I'm wrong for having sex with a guy etc, and I'm sat here like a quivering wreck in case my dad finds out - he would disown me! I'm 34, AIBU to think my sex life has nothing to do with my parents and is my business??

Whoa! Your dad calls you a slag??

Practise your bemused face and use it liberally when anybody starts talking about your sex life. No need to talk. It's nobody's business but yours and the person you're sharing it with.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Do you know any secrets about her past you could start dripfeeding to your parents?! I know revenge isn't ideal, but at least it would turn the spotlight off you?

Your mum has very conservative attitudes to sex and has only had one partner. Your dad is the opposite. And yet your dad calls you a slag?

They have disowned your sister except when she runs to them with juicy gossip against their other daughter?

Is that a set of double standards and attitudes you want your children to pick up from the grandparents (because they will)?

I'm with the 'I love you but I'm not having this' approach and stick with it., rinse, repeat ad nauseum and stick with it.

Sorry you're going through this, OP. Personally I'd tell them I'm a table dancer in Stringfellows and they can find my full portfolio online by Googling my stage name of Sugar Walls, but then I'm a stirrer who doesn't know when to stop.

it's none of their fucking business!!!

i would ignore all references to it.

Stop telling her stuff. And no it's none of their business.

When your neighbour popped round for a cup of tea and you shagged him when the kids were asleep upstairs, could it be they are just a bit concerned? Maybe they think it was just a random shag and were worried about the kids waking up or being aware, when you yourself know differently? They may feel it's quite promiscuous behaviour as everyone has different views on that.

My main point would be stop telling your sister about your sex life. And own your actions, you can shag every man within a ten mile radius if you chose to, but either be discreet about it or tell and own it without fear.

Poor you, OP.

The only knowledge my parents have about me will be that, owing to having a DC, we must have done it at least once!

Mind you, wouldn't dream of talking to sibs about it either.

And that is how it should be!

Maybe your sister is getting things from Facebook?

Anyway totally unacceptable, but she will probably do it again, so maybe it's time to sit down with your parents, or even just your mum and explain that the sexual side of your relationships are private between yourself and whoever your seeing, that your sister telling them these things is designed to drive a wedge between you and them, and that what she is telling them is likely to be a very exaggerated account of what's happening.

They are playing into her hands by getting upset about it. Next time it happens say that 'yes you are in a relationship with X, but no not prepared to discuss your sex life or whether you have slept with them because that's not their business'.

I think you are fuelling the fire by opening the door to discuss details as it makes them feel they somehow get to be involved / police / judge what you do. They don't.

I don't think I'd be embarrassed, actually and I am very easily embarrassed and tongue tied. It would be a simple
'I don't think that's an appropriate topic of conversation' and a horrified look if my Dad ever would never challenged me on something like that!

a lot of the fault is your mothers the minute your sister started your mother should have told her to shut up she was,nt interested .i would never even mention this to my grown up children any way i would be mortified to tell them i knew about there sex lives. my mantra with the boys is always thats in the not need to know section in others i dont need to know they always laugh at this .

Your parents should be discouraging this behaviour from your sister even if they were not estranged from her. Even weirder they encourage it since they have apparently washed their hands off her.

Show your parents you are an adult with a private life by telling them you will not discuss any gossip your sister has stirred up and that she has an overactive imagination.

End conversations that start up on your private life. Leave the call. Walk out of the house. They'll soon understand you mean business.

Tell DSis that blowing out someone else's candle doesn't make hers burn any brighter.

She's a dick.

Your family are weird and inappropriate. Why do they listen to and believe your sister instead of telling her to mind her own business?

Here is the Stately Homes thread

It's wrong of them but I wonder how on earth anyone found out about the neighbour at all. Did you tell someone or did he?

The only genuine concern they may have is that you are putting your dc at risk by bringing men back. On MN there is very much a date guys for a while before introducing them to your dc. If your bringing strangers back then that is a legitimate concern. Plus you mention affairs, what do you mean by that?

What Cauliflower said!!!!!!!!!!!

Am I the only one that noticed that the OP stated she had sex with the neighbour whilst her children were upstairs asleep?? Am I the only one that thinks that is one of the most irresponsible things a mother could do?????

If she knows the neighbour why is it irresponsible?

I think you need to distance yourself from you parents too.

She just randomly invited a neighbour in and had sex with him whilst kids upstairs? I say hi to my neighbour's but I don't even know most of their names! Just because you have the same postcode doesn't mean they're safe to be around your kids!!!!

"Oh can I just use your bathroom to clean up?!"

Yeah. Great....

We would need to know how well OP knows the neighbour.

I used to have sex with a neighbour when I was in my 20s, with a young child. We were very discreet and my son was completely unaware.

We were good friends and still are, 26 years later.

I don't think you can judge without knowing the exact circumstances of their friendship.

If your dad sends you a message saying you are a slag. I'd be replying 'wow that's a disgusting way to talk to anyone never mind your own daughter. I'm an adult and I'm not willing to discuss what I have or haven't done in my sex life, with my parents. You can carry on listening to what (sister) is spouting but I no longer want to be a part of it because frankly, it's really compromising our relationship especially when you message verbally abusing me after soaking up all she's said like a sponge. I no longer want my life controlled by sister so in future don't contact me about the crap she has said as I'm not interested.

Searchingforgrandparents - I do admit that I feel wrong for letting him in whilst DC were in bed, however mum doesn't know exactly what happened (full hog, etc). He's not a 'stranger', by all means - THAT I wouldn't do.

My sister is estranged from them but rings their house phone or mums mobile every so often to just have a go at them and stir trouble. She also has a history of alcoholism, so usually when she drinks and is p!$$ed off with the world Mum is scared of dad a bit so worried sister will ring house phone to tell dad her latest piece of 'juicy gossip'!

I think this is one for Jeremy K