to ask how you feel when someone is at the opposite end of the faith spectrum?

[Morphene]

I've recently discovered two separate people I have been getting closer to (professional/friendship wise) are at the other end of the faith scale from me. I have actually felt a little upset and unbalanced by it.

IABU? I mean I know I am, but do other people get this? Does it make a difference if you are the one with or without faith?

I am sure I will still get on just fine with them, but I feel a little sadness that in this important respect we are very far from each others wavelength.

I'm a non-practicing but proud Jew and I'm godmother to my friends little boy and they are practicing Catholic. Been to church more with them in recent years than I have to synagogue. My hubby is godfather and he is a non-practicing Christian.

Never caused any issues for any of us.

It's not that I wouldn't be friends with a Christian, Grace; it's just a bit inhibitory to frankness for me. I do have religious friends and we're all very careful around each other (esp the kids).

OP I think I understand where you're coming from. By spectrum do you mean in terms of depth/extremeness of belief?

I ask as I'm an atheist and have a number of good friends who are religious but all are tolerant in their behaviour. Some are comfortable discussing opposing views, some aren't and that's just fine. I have been to many, many church weddings and have always felt welcome.

However, I had a colleague who I was becoming increasingly friendly at work with. We had a similar sense of humour, liked the same tunes on in the office, chatted A LOT about our pets, and she was very supportive and kind when it came to some difficulties I was having with workload. She invited me along to a charity event. It turned out to be a fundraiser for her church which it turns out has very fundamentalist beliefs, a literal interpretation of the bible and belief in speaking in tongues, etc. It later transpired that she literally believed the world was created in 6 days, 6000 years ago, didn't believe in evolution etc.

I was genuinely shocked, and baffled at how this information hadn't come up in conversation; but it truly hadn't. She in turn had assumed I was a christian of some sort.

Is this the sort of thing you're meaning? My new friend was waaay at the other end of the "spectrum" whereas my other religious friends are somewhere in the middle, I suppose. I did distance myself from her and didn't pursue an out of work friendship, as I just didn't feel comfortable.

Campfire I did say the Christian man in my story was conservative. It was an Issue for him. I am aware that gay clergy exist!

My religious and aetheist froends are equally ethical, fun and lovely. To me it would be like saying oh I only make friends with people who also vote whatever. Why?

I don't mean this to sound unkind but it's odd to me that you find it wierd being friends with people with different beliefs or who voted differently in the referendum. I think it's more odd to only be friends with people who agree with you on politics and religion. Surely it's more important that they're kind and loyal etc and that you get along?

I am an evangelical Christian, and have good relationships with my family, colleagues, school and uni friends who are mostly not. It's harder in some of those relationships to be open about my faith and so I also get what you're saying about the importance of having friends who you feel you don't have to self censor around - though I wouldnt assume your colleagues will be easily offended unless they have proven otherwise.

It's not the faith part I struggle with as an athiest
It's people condoning by membership certain faith organisations (mainly christian ones) which I don't think anyon I could/should like could in any good conscience assosiate [sic] with

I agree with this entirely. ^

Op, what exactly are you worried about? you mentioned that you can't be 'get pissed and put the world to rights' friends with them, are you worried they might say something to make you doubt your faith, would you rather live in an echo chamber?
I'm atheist, two of my best friends are evangelical Christians, they do not believe in evolution, one of them has a science degree and works in the medical field. I don't discuss religion unless I'm asked specific questions (and he has asked them).

DH's family are very, very surprised (not in a good way) that I'm an atheist. No one they associate with would openly say they don't believe in God so I think they find it very odd of me that I don't. I never go on about it and never bring it up unless someone directly asks me something related to it. I get a very strong sense that although they like me overall they disapprove of me in this issue. I find it quite irritating that they decide I'm not as good a person as them just because I don't believe. I feel like I'm being in some way bad when I around them even though I haven't done anything wrong.

I'm a Christian, and other than my "church friends", most of my friends and colleagues are not (mainly atheist/non-religious, plus a few Muslims).

I don't really understand the need to be "careful" around all Christians. I think there's an assumption that all Christians are part of the "religious right", but that's really not the case. I believe in evolution, big bang, gay rights, females being equal to males, etc. just as most of my atheist friends do. I find it easier to be friends with someone who has the same values as me (e.g. equality) rather than someone who believes in the same god.

For me the problem is as follows: people who believe in God are, as far as I can see, putting a great deal of credence in something you have no proof of (by definition). They then apply a seemingly completely different rule to general life, in which proof is needed before situations are accepted.

To me that seems like a huge contradiction and I find it very unsettling, sufficiently unsettling for me to not quite trust the judgement of people with a professed faith.

I feel I may be a bit weird and overly literal but I can't help it. Sorry

mellissa I think maybe I'm just a bit inflexible. I think I would struggle to be serious friends with someone who was conservative, I definitely couldn't be friends at all with someone who was homophobic regardless of how infrequently it came up.

On the other hand I seem to be able to get on okay with the vaguely misogynistic, and find it fun to challenge them on it.

Live and let live. Each to their own. I think religion can be used for the betterment of people or it can be used as a weapon for people to start wars over. It all depends on the how the person interprets their belief system.

I'm an atheist. To take a quote from a song I know: "I know I believe in nothing but it is my nothing".
No has the right to tell others what they should and shouldn't believe.

Fwiw I have friends and colleagues of all faiths and can't see this being an issue

I feel the same was as you lacontessa. In particular I could never trust or respect a scientist who denied evolution. It undermines the entirety of their role.

Perhaps melissa can address my earlier post about people who don't mind or have no problem at all with religious beliefs of a friend in regard to very extreme religious views.

lacon I think it can be hard to understand how you pick one thing out of all the infinite number of possible things, to believe in without proof.

But I don't think that is how it is at all. I think people just feel something inside them that tells them they are being looked after, loved and cared for, and they ascribe the sensation to 'God' and it has no other impact on their rationality in any other sphere.

They have 1 piece of evidence we don't have. Everything else is bolted on rationalisation.

Tbh I don't think any of the evidence out there against God makes any difference to my lack of belief. I just don't have it inside me and I post rationalise everything I see in the world around me to fit in with my lack of belief.

If God rocked up tomorrow and shook my hand, I would think 'oh, really? wow'. I would rationally accept God existed but I still wouldn't feel BELIEF in my heart. It would just be another piece of information.

This is an interesting one. The vast majority of my friends are atheists and I do find I "click" more with people who are non believers.

I do have a few friends who are religious but they all hold some beliefs that I really struggle with: anti-abortion, homophobic, prejudices to other religions.

I generally tend to find non-religious people are more open minded and tolerant and those are the people I gravitate towards.

I don't really understand the need to be "careful" around all Christians. I think there's an assumption that all Christians are part of the "religious right", but that's really not the case. I believe in evolution, big bang, gay rights, females being equal to males, etc
y'see to me thats like saying you support Black Lives Matter whilst being a paid up member of the EDL
Most Christian denominations/churches are funamentally at odds with what you've listed there as your values IMO

I honestly just don't know, Morphene - you may well be right!

Morphene Well it's pretty hard to get on in the average workplace if you can't abide the vaguely misogynistic - so I get that!

In all seriousness, with those of differing religious and political perspectives is it just that you would think too little of them to be friends, or is it also/mainly that you find it uncomfortable to disagree with people? I think as a culture we find disagreement awkward and I think that's a shame. With my good friends, we can talk about the things we disagree about and challenge eachother - it deepens our friendship rather than lessens it - but you have to push through the pain barrier a bit as a Brit I think.

Do your friends have faith and you are the one without Morphene?

Have they stipulated what (if any) church they belong to?

I'm a Christian and don't have a problem at all with atheists. I respect their views, i tend to never discuss my faith with them. Sometimes I'm surprised at their logic about evolution and the universe but i don't think any less of them for that, they're entitled to their views just the same as i am.

I'm quite sad that there's folk for whom this would present a barrier, or at least people feel they'd need to be careful in what they'd say. I very much enjoy hanging out with my completely anti religion, irreverent friend who regularly takes the piss out of me (in a friendly way) for believing. And I happily take the mickey because most people believe in hundreds of things they have no concrete proof for, and because the oh so superior scientific knowledge is nowhere near as foolproof as we'd like it to be. Yep, both scientists too. Quite often, after a couple of pints, we'll have deeper discussions about 'god and the world', politics, human nature and then we'll happily talk late into the night. I'd hate for him to censor what he says or for me to feel I can't mention occasionally I was in church and heard something that was important for me in the same way I'd mention having been to a good concert or play.

I can understand it to a degree as I'd struggle to date/be close friends with someone who subscribes to most UKIP views for example. Guess it depends on the openness of everyone involved and if people are overly sensitive

It's not just an inexplicable belief. There is evidence of a creator, a master architect.

Nor all faiths believe in the Christian/Jewish/Muslim God. Although there are many who believe in God, expressing that belief is heavily frowned upon ans ridiculed. Apparently people who belief in God are stupid, brain washed, believe in fairy tales, etc and have a whole host of intolerant abuse aimed at them.

I am friends with atheists, muslims, Christians of various denominations, etc.

I don't believe in evolution as a lot of it make no sense and is no more grounded in facts than the creation version of events. There are many, many scientists who believe the same.

Sometimes I'm surprised at their logic about evolution and the universe but i don't think any less of them for that, they're entitled to their views just the same as i am.

Evolution isn't a 'view', its not a belief you have to have faith in. What do you find surprising about the logic of evolution?

It's not just an inexplicable belief. There is evidence of a creator, a master architect.

Present it here.