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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how you feel when someone is at the opposite end of the faith spectrum?

623 replies

Morphene · 16/04/2017 22:05

I've recently discovered two separate people I have been getting closer to (professional/friendship wise) are at the other end of the faith scale from me. I have actually felt a little upset and unbalanced by it.

IABU? I mean I know I am, but do other people get this? Does it make a difference if you are the one with or without faith?

I am sure I will still get on just fine with them, but I feel a little sadness that in this important respect we are very far from each others wavelength.

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 16/04/2017 22:38

I find it a bit hard to be as friendly with religious types as I am with non-religious types tbh; I constantly have to scan ahead (wrt things I'm about to say) for irreverence, heresy and general disrespect Grin

Seriously, it is a little inhibiting for me. I still like the people and wish to interact with them but I simply can't understand their position on religion; it's like I'm a fish and they're discussing bicycles. Total 'huh?' moment.

AnneofGreenGablesAgain · 16/04/2017 22:40

I think some people with faith find it difficult to be friends with those not if any faith/their faith.

I know someone (atheist) who was defriended when a previously close friend became much more into their faith and began to only socialise with others if that faith.

I find mutual understanding of difference much better, personally.

Judydreamsofhorses · 16/04/2017 22:40

One of my close colleagues is deeply religious, and a pastor in an independent church outside work. I was last in a church about 20 years ago. I find his beliefs really interesting, and have learned a lot from him - regardless of our different religious beliefs we share a lot of the same values and get on very well, which I think is what really matters.

PurpleDaisies · 16/04/2017 22:40

purple well maybe not in my work place...but in the country, yes. Those claiming to be Christian are in the majority, let alone when you sum up all faiths.

I will hold up my hands and say I was just thinking about Christians since we were talking about them Blush but I still don't think in this country people of faith are in the majority.

Many people would call themselves Christians because they were christened as a baby or that's just the default setting if you're British but I don't think the vast majority of those people are actually religious.

GraceGrape · 16/04/2017 22:40

I am a very low-key Christian. DH is an atheist. Most of my friends are non-believers. I have only really been a practising Christian for a few years now.

I find religion in general is a subject that is best not to discuss with most of my friends. I feel a bit embarrassed to even bring up the fact that I go to Church with some of my non-believer friends, let alone discuss faith with them, as I find some people have some quite prejudiced ideas about Christians. In the past, I could be a bit judgmental about church-going too, as it wasn't the way I was brought up. I remember being a bit sneery about the Christian Union at uni for example. Now I can see things from a different perspective.

Birdsbeesandtrees · 16/04/2017 22:41

Morphene

No I suppose it depends where you work an since most of my friends are through my various places in a specific field of work it's hardly surprising we share some values.

I've found an interesting article about figures and it mentions the last census and other surveys

OneOrgasmicBirthPlease · 16/04/2017 22:42

I enjoy friendships with people who are different from me a lot. My DM is a practising Catholic and believes in a host of other odd things (ghosts, karma, homeopathy etc.). She is also wonderfully accepting and feels no desire to proselythise, though she brought her DCs up in the faith. We have a beautifully close relationship, although I'm an atheist.

This experience taught me to accept people's beliefs and convictions as part of their unique understanding of the world which will be always different from mine. Naturally, there is a line when it comes to creationists/casual racists/sexists, but generally I try not to draw this line too close to my own convictions as I find it impoverishes the potential richness of my relationships.

Original poster
Morphene · 16/04/2017 22:42

lacontess good grief - it is exactly that isn't it! I feel sad and upset because now I know I will have to sensor what I say instead of being able to just relax and let it hang out.

We can be really good interesting friends...but we aren't going to be get pissed and set the world to right friends.

Or at least it will be risking our friendship to find out....

OP posts:
Original poster
Morphene · 16/04/2017 22:43

gah grammar fail

OP posts:
WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 16/04/2017 22:43

hmm..its more of a situation where we have been going along swimmingly with a lot of 'oh thats exactly what I think too' and then womph - we crashed into faith

I've had this a few times. If I'm honest most of the time the religious person goes to church for social reasons. I don't mean all the religious people I meet just the ones where I'm surprised they go to church. Often there's a none faith reason for attendance.

potatomama · 16/04/2017 22:44

I once had a friend who told me that she didn't believe in evolution or the big bang. I have to admit, I lost a lot of respect for her that day.

nappyrat · 16/04/2017 22:44

Sorry but I have to admit as an atheist I find it tricky to completely click with ppl who are extremely extremely religious.

And my dad is a vicar.

Like, a guy asked me out and is v v v religious & it really put me off!!

I just don't get it!!

To me, it's like believing in ghosts! Bizarre!

nappyrat · 16/04/2017 22:45

Potato, that's exactly the reaction I would have too

AgathaP · 16/04/2017 22:46

I am a Catholic and my faith is very important to me but I really believe your faith is a private matter and therefore I avoid discussing it with those around me. Faith would not play a part in choosing friends - my friends are all people who I respect and enjoy spending time with, regardless of their beliefs or otherwise. My dad (atheist) often tries to goad me into discussing it but I don't care to.

AnneofGreenGablesAgain · 16/04/2017 22:46

Morph, I don't really understand that tbh. Can't you just have a normal chat?

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 16/04/2017 22:46

I once had a friend who told me that she didn't believe in evolution or the big bang. I have to admit, I lost a lot of respect for her that day

Me too! Her exact words were.

If evolution is true, why don't we have wings? Shock

AnneofGreenGablesAgain · 16/04/2017 22:47

I speak as someone who has very close friends who are completely opposite to me.

LaContessaDiPlump · 16/04/2017 22:48

I know, it's a bit rubbish isn't it Sad

I once worked in a lab with someone who had just joined us; he introduced himself to individuals and in the very next sentence queried their faith in God. You can imagine what he (a conservative evangelical Christian) and my officemate (a gay female postdoc from a catholic background) made of each other! She was very restrained IMO...

Campfiresmoke · 16/04/2017 22:49

Christian (with science degree) here. I have mainly aethiest friends and it isn't a problem. It probably wouldn't work if they started up the old 'you don't believe in evolution, you hate gays, dinosaurs aren't in the Bible, Sky pixie, Flying Spaghetti Monster, all paedophiles are Christian etc etc' intolerant rants but luckily as they are my friends they don't. I don't talk religion to them as I know they don't believe but sometimes i might mention something I have been to in church eg BBQ or picnic if it's relevant to the conversation. Eg what have you been up to? I also have friends who are Muslim and one who is a Hindu. I also have friends who are at the opposite end of the political spectrum to me. I have friends who have very different incomes to me. I have friends who love dogs although I am scared of them and I have 2 friends who ride motor bikes although I am anti motorbikes (backstory I won't go into).
Variety is the spice of life. I generally try to keep to the whole 'love your neighbour as yourself' thing.

HowSmug · 16/04/2017 22:49

I am atheist and a few of my closest friends are very religious - it doesn't seem to bother us. However, I struggle with some of my 'woo' friends as I find it hard to know how to respond to some of their more crazy ways.

GraceGrape · 16/04/2017 22:49

Bit sad that people say they wouldn't be friends with a Christian. Other than my closest friends, I bet nobody I socialise with would even know. I am just as "normal" as everyone else.We don't all go about wearing crucifixes and reciting quotes from the Bible. I certainly wouldn't be offended by people being "irreverent". Most of the time, I probably wouldn't notice.

Miniwookie · 16/04/2017 22:50

Yanbu. I have experienced that same feeling - when you find out someone you thought was on your wavelength, isn't. I'm not just atheist though; I'm quite anti-religion. I keep my beliefs to myself though and expect religious friends to do the same.

Campfiresmoke · 16/04/2017 22:50

La Contessa lots of gay people are Christian. We have plenty of gay clergy.

Birdsbeesandtrees · 16/04/2017 22:52

I'm also interested in the spectrum of belief. I've mentioned people who don't believe in evolution - creationists.

I'm interested in people who say religion or a difference of religion doesn't matter an iota to them - does this still apply when it's what some might call an "extreme" belief such as creationism or say Scientology/ anything that might be described as a cult ?

TinselTwins · 16/04/2017 22:52

It's not the faith part I struggle with as an athiest
It's people condoning by membership certain faith organisations (mainly christian ones) which I don't think anyon I could/should like could in any good conscience assosiate with

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