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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep kids of school

144 replies

user1489094655 · 16/04/2017 18:13

Hi,
Me, do and dd5 and ds4 are going to Disney Paris in June. We are going in June because my dh has 2 weeks fixed hols from work so we are going the second week of his allocation.

We won't get fined but it is classes as an unauthorised absence so before we start the term we already know dd will get 'red' letter. (Ds is nursery so not included)

I have ocd and am an emetophobe so sick/ germs eto is very difficult for me to cope with and I find it difficult for the kids to go to school anyway.

Would it be OK to keep the kids off school for the week before as well because

  1. I would be scared they would pick something up from school and to be ill away from home is even worse.
  2. It would give dh more time to spend at home and in the garden with kids. Other than weekends, his next break is 16th October week ( again not school hols)
  3. Dd will still be on red for attendance missing one OR two weeks.

If we did this what would we tell school?

Thanks for reading

OP posts:
Littlepond · 16/04/2017 18:14

How do you know you won't be fined for them missing school?

Original poster
user1489094655 · 16/04/2017 18:17

Because we had a letter from the headteacher saying we wouldn't be fined because it is dh's employer fixed holiday but it would still be unauthorised absence.

I would have paid the fine(s) anyway.

It's more about spending time with dh and not exposing the kids to germs before an important event.

OP posts:
OffRoader · 16/04/2017 18:18

I don't think it's fair to keep the DCs off school just because of your MH issues.

Just doesn't seem right to me.

Falconhoof1 · 16/04/2017 18:18

Given the age of DD is not like they'll be missing too much at school that they can't catch up on, and you'll be getting the letter anyway so I'm thinking why not? I wouldn't do it every year though but as a one off I think it would be ok.

Squirmy65ghyg · 16/04/2017 18:19

Yes, that's really wrong.

I suggest you see your GP.

MrsHenryWales · 16/04/2017 18:22

No, OP, this would definitely not be OK. It is not reasonable to let your own mental health issues negatively affect your DDs education.

Taking a family holiday during your DHs forced annual leave is one thing. Taking a child out of school for a week because you don't want them catching germs is another and would warrant SS intervention IMHO.

Sirzy · 16/04/2017 18:22

Yes it's wrong.

Falconhoof1 · 16/04/2017 18:22

As for what to tell the school I'm not sure as if you lie your DD will also have to lie! I guess that would be a problem.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 16/04/2017 18:22

I agree with OffRoader, sorry OP. You need to get it sorted.

BackforGood · 16/04/2017 18:23

Well, I wouldn't.
He could take them to school / nursery, and pick them up. At that time of year you'll have hours after school to still play / hang out / go to the park / spend time together, and he'll also be able to catch up on whatever he wants to do with a few hours off in the day - be that jobs or shopping or a hobby or resting/sleeping.
You'll all be together 24/7 the following week.
As another poster said, you should do your best not to let your mental health issues affect your dc more than necessary.

MrsHenryWales · 16/04/2017 18:23

Given the age of DD is not like they'll be missing too much at school err, yeah, because learning to read and write is totally not much to worry about. innit. Hmm

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/04/2017 18:25

@Falconhoof1 is right that this particular absence won't cause your dc irreparable educational harm.

However, I really don't think it would be a good idea for you to give in to your anxieties in this way. Once you have done it once, it will be a whole lot easier next time, to keep them off school because of your fears about germs and illness, and it could easily spiral downward into you keeping them off more than they go.

I suffer from mental health issues, including anxiety, so I have every sympathy with you, @user1489094655 - I know how huge these anxieties can appear, and how it feels so tempting to give into them - but I also know how giving in once can be a slippery slope to giving in to them all the time, and you and I both know that that is not good - for ourselves or for our families.

Wolfiefan · 16/04/2017 18:25

You can't take them out for a week to isolate them from people in case they get sick so you can go on holiday and be around lots of people. (Do people in France not get sick?!)
Seek treatment for your OCD and emetophobia. That's the solution.

Trb17 · 16/04/2017 18:25

I'm sorry but your MH issues should not affect the children and keeping them off would BU.

LIZS · 16/04/2017 18:25

It would be wrong because it is more about you than dc. He can do the drop offs , you spend time as a couple during the day and get ready.

TrinityForce · 16/04/2017 18:26

Yes YABU to keep them off an extra week before the actual holiday.

Come on...

MrsHenryWales · 16/04/2017 18:27

Besides, I would bet money that DLP is a hell of a lot dirtier than your DCs school.

GinIsIn · 16/04/2017 18:28

Yes it's wrong - this is about your health really, not theirs. Have you pursued any treatment?

longlostpal · 16/04/2017 18:28

Yep, agree with others that this would be very wrong. Your children have a right to an education. Their entitlement should not be affected by your health problems or the fact that you find it difficult to have them go to school. Focus on getting help for your problems, their schooling is non-negotiable.

Rainydayspending · 16/04/2017 18:29

You might not be unreasonable this year and with a fixed holiday situation. But you would be unreasonable to let these anxieties become a problem to carry out your life normally. It's not expected to take a holiday before a holiday just "in case". Perhaps you could refer to a counsellor to help you with this?

Shakirasma · 16/04/2017 18:30

Keeping children off school for no good reason other than a parent not wanting them to go, especially related to a parent's mental health issues is a safeguarding red flag. Rightly so IMO.

TittyGolightly · 16/04/2017 18:32

They're more likely to pick something up at DLP. 8/10 of our party came down with norovirus when we went. It's germ soup there.

Whosthemummynow · 16/04/2017 18:32

Could you imagine if every parent did what you are suggesting.

Ludicrous

harderandharder2breathe · 16/04/2017 18:33

As someone with experience of emetophobia (at one point I ate dry bread for lunch at college as it was "safe" and missed a lot of days because I felt unwell, which was all due to anxiety) and OCD (my sister has OCD, which was worst in our teenage years), I am sympathetic.

However YWBVU to make your children miss school because of your mental illness. Please seek help for your illness.

Scribblegirl · 16/04/2017 18:33

I had a friend who missed a lot of school because of her mum's anxiety disorder. If she woke up one day feeling over anxious she wouldn't take her kids out of the house and she'd be afraid for them to go to school due to her fears. You really need to not let this impact upon your kids schooling (although I'm sure it's easier said than done) - it affected my friend hugely, both academically and socially.