To keep kids of school

[user1489094655]

Hi,
Me, do and dd5 and ds4 are going to Disney Paris in June. We are going in June because my dh has 2 weeks fixed hols from work so we are going the second week of his allocation.

We won't get fined but it is classes as an unauthorised absence so before we start the term we already know dd will get 'red' letter. (Ds is nursery so not included)

I have ocd and am an emetophobe so sick/ germs eto is very difficult for me to cope with and I find it difficult for the kids to go to school anyway.

Would it be OK to keep the kids off school for the week before as well because

1. I would be scared they would pick something up from school and to be ill away from home is even worse.
2. It would give dh more time to spend at home and in the garden with kids. Other than weekends, his next break is 16th October week ( again not school hols)
3. Dd will still be on red for attendance missing one OR two weeks.

If we did this what would we tell school?

Thanks for reading

Sorry sent too soon.
Good luck with everything . Just keep focuses on how much you are going to enjoy Disney with your gorgeous children .

Maisypops Thank you, glad that makes sense. I agree, I think User knows exactly the right thing to do, but her heightened anxiety is making her think of alternatives.

I too swear by slow release propanolol for the very stressful times.

OP, this thread has been horrible.

AIBU is no place for MH issues: there is no empathy, no imagination and too many people determined to score points and be lairy mouthed.

It must be very hard managing life with OCD and emetiphobia.

You ARE strong, and you have your DH. You can go to Disney: it is not the season for infectious sickness, or at least low season, and there is absolutely NO reason for it to be less hygenic than anywhere else. After all is is out in the open air.

Don't let people who you have rightly identified as harsh, crass and unthinking upset your holiday plans even more than your health does.

Take care.

You can take antisickness medication when you first start an ssri till your body gets used to it - the nausea usually only lasts a week or so then you can stop the anti sickness meds or you can start with very very low doses and up it gradually which often avoids the nausea all together. Taking at night sometimes avoids the nausea too. There are ways round this.

www.emetophobiaresource.org/
Have you ever looked at this website, OP?
There is advice and exposure videos on here - I was told to work up slowly from level 1, watching each one that made me feel uncomfortable 5 times a day for a week and then moving up to the next one when that one didn't make me feel stressed.

With me it's the anticipation anxiety that it'll happen, but when it does happen I can and do deal with it (albeit a little clinically if I'm being completely honest, but I don't run away and I told scold my kids, I reassure them that they're ok and that it's a good thing to get the germs out of their bodies). These videos have helped, plus the realisation that in a day or two it'll be gone and that it's over and done with virtually, by the time they have been actually poorly (sick).
Go to your GP if only to start the ball rolling and get your name on a waiting list somewhere. Good luck.

I work in pastoral care and the number of children that have time off because of their (usually) DM's MH issues is genuinely shocking.
Ditto this.

Op, I'd go back to your GP (or another professional that is working with you) for advice.

SSRI antidepressants are often prescribed for anxiety disorders. Keep your GP up to date with how you are doing so they can make sure you are getting the best treatment.

Please get some medical help and therapy before you fly off on holiday otherwise you're MH issues won't let you enjoy your trip. This is an expensive trip and your anxiety issues about germs etc will threaten to spoil it for you.

How will you manage the plane trip, Hotel and restaurant?

Please get some help for your difficulties so that you can enjoy your family time. It's causing you to think about depriving your kids of a complete education and that's not healthy.

Don't let people who you have rightly identified as harsh, crass and unthinking upset your holiday plans even more than your health does.
Not about being harsh or crass or telling OP she shouldnt have holidays.

Many people have expressed sympathy with the OP's feelings and MH conditions.

However, its a simple thing that taking another week off school on top of the time the school has been reasonable about isnt a good decision. It is simply not appropriate for anyone to pull their child out of school for a week for no good reason (worrying they may get a bug is not a reason to disruot a childs schooling).

Agree with SoulAccount

Some posters have given good advice, some just like to be fucking rude and are almost proud of it (reminds me of that Harry Enfield character, northern accent, 'I say what I like and I like what I bloody well say'). They think they're really hilarious, but they just come across as complete as cringeworthy wankers.

OP I don't think the kids should have the week before off. Not because I think they will miss too much school, but because it's just a sticking plaster. It will make you feel slightly better knowing they're at home and might not pick anything up. But what's going to happen the next time? I know it's easy to say and very hard to do. I have been in similar positions with my anxiety, there have been times when I've almost stopped my DS (aspergers) going to football matches because I'm disproportionatley terrified of another Hillsborough. But I won't because I know that he can't live his life within our 4 walls.

I had some CBT but didn't finish it. I've been on citralopran in the past, it helped short term. My son also has OCD and we've been doing exposure therapy that has been very useful. Maybe that's something to try?

If you can't handle the thought of them going into school the week before the hols then don't beat yourself up - but please think about starting exposure therapy when you get back, because you have many years ahead of you and you want them to be as happy and stress free as they can be

Maisy. Read every post on this thread. The OP isn't just about the week off. It is also about the OP looking forward to a holiday and her specific MH issues.

And read what I said about point scoring.

Dear god.

I have read it.
And most people are saying that taking that extra week off isnt ok.

People have also suggested the OP seeks medical advice to help deal with her MH issues so that she can feel better over time.

Pretty reasonable on the whole.

I'm sorry that you feel shocked by the responses and that people don't understand MH issues. I have struggled with depression, anxiety, and compulsive behaviours in the past, and am currently experiencing post-natal anxiety so I do understand how it feels, and I am so sorry that you are struggling but I stand by what I said - this is about your health and not theirs. Can you go back on the sertaline and ask for it to be presecribed with an anti-emetic? If your MH is damaging your DC's education the you need to seek more help. - it isn't easy.

On the whole, maybe.

The posts I was referring to are the others. The ones carting on about germs at Disney and being dismissive of MH issues. Those are the posts that are written by crass etc people.

I had very extreme needle phobia and used to wind myself to the point of passing out and being sick every time I knew I had to have a blood test. I had IVF and gradually with exposure I got to the point where I could inject myself. If you can find the videos a PP linked to try those to start with as a practical help, then try some hypnosis - you can buy mp3s cheaply and if you do them daily they do really help. You don't wake up 'cured' but you just start to notice being less focused on your phobia bit by bit.

I totally get why being away and dealing with any illness makes you anxious - my anxiety has caused me to fall ill when we're due to go away simply through worrying about it. The mind is a powerful thing but you can take the power back!

Good luck

Everyone has answered your question regarding your first point but you also say that you want to keep them at home so your husband can spend more time with them which isn't a weekend? How do you think most families manage? TBH you're lucky he gets to see them at weekends every weekend. My OH works 12 hour shifts inc nights and goes days without seeing the children, would you say it's ok for me to keep them off school on his rest days as he won't see them at weekend as he'll be working the whole of their waking hours?

When I first read this I thought it was a pretty ridiculous idea
Now however I think maybe some stress free family time would do you some good before facing your trip away as you'll find that hard
Your children are tiny, not facing GCSEs and I'm sure you can practise a little reading and writing with them over the 10 days they will miss to make sure they don't end up not being able to attend university based on missing a few weeks off school aged 4 and 5 😂
I do think you should speak to someone about how you are feeling, your GP or health visitor however in this instance, as the absence is unauthorised anyway and creates no fine whether 1 day or 10, I would take this as an opportunity to have some family time.
The fact you're at home for half and away for half is neither here nor there x

@user1489094655 - it might be worth considering Mirtazipine, as an alternative to Citalopram - it is my understanding that it tackles anxiety as much or more than it tackles depression. I am on it, and whilst citalopram did make me feel nauseated, Mirtazipine hasn't had that side effect for me (just to reassure you).

It would mean coming off citalopram, which I know is not easy, but it might be worth it if it helped.

A couple of things from CBT at helped me:

Mindful breathing - sit or lie in a comfortable position, and just focus on your breathing. Notice the movement of your stomach, up and down, of your chest expanding and contracting. Notice the feeling of the air moving in and out. When a thought or anxiety comes into your head, notice it, acknowledge it, then set it aside and refocus on your breathing.

Intrusive thoughts will happen - I used to worry that I was 'failing' because I couldn't do this meditative breathing without getting sidetracked by my thoughts - but I was WRONG - it is normal for these thoughts and anxieties to come into your mind - you simply acknowledge them and go back to the breathing.

I found this helped me to relax, and also helped me to see and acknowledge my anxieties, to sit with my fears, and then to set them aside and move on.

The second thing was a visualisation exercise. My therapist told me to picture my depression as a huge, dark coloured cloud in my head, then got me to visualise a lighter colour starting at the edges of the cloud, spreading inwards until all the darkness was gone. I found that it worked better if I visualised it as a weight in my head, and visualised it getting lighter and lighter. Either way, doing this for a few minutes helped me to feel the feelings and then get them to lift - it didn't make them go away, or stay away for good, but it was a tool that has helped me to cope when things get bad.

There may be more resources available online - there are definitely self-help books abut CBT, which might help you get through, until you get the therapy yourself.

I hope this helps.