To keep kids of school

[user1489094655]

Hi,
Me, do and dd5 and ds4 are going to Disney Paris in June. We are going in June because my dh has 2 weeks fixed hols from work so we are going the second week of his allocation.

We won't get fined but it is classes as an unauthorised absence so before we start the term we already know dd will get 'red' letter. (Ds is nursery so not included)

I have ocd and am an emetophobe so sick/ germs eto is very difficult for me to cope with and I find it difficult for the kids to go to school anyway.

Would it be OK to keep the kids off school for the week before as well because

1. I would be scared they would pick something up from school and to be ill away from home is even worse.
2. It would give dh more time to spend at home and in the garden with kids. Other than weekends, his next break is 16th October week ( again not school hols)
3. Dd will still be on red for attendance missing one OR two weeks.

If we did this what would we tell school?

Thanks for reading

Bracket fail!

OP

Rereading, my original post sounds heartlsss. Its not meant to be. Whats going on with you means you need some support.

Just as a teacher ive seen kids struggle through missing lots of time for very real reasons. its heartbraking.
Ive also seen parents keep kids off for reasons more about the parent than the kid. The idea of parents keeping kids off because it suits them and their issues (however real!) makes me feel for the kids because its their lives and education that are disrupted.

Ilike im all for genuinely helping people just not putting boot in.

Don't cancel the holiday. We went to DLP three times and no-one was sick (or in florida). I don't think people are being unkind. It's an opinions page, we are trained in MH but everyone has told the OP to seek help, that's not unkind

Katie0705
It is. That doesnt mean its ok to disrupt a child's education for it.

Having seen parents keep kids off because 'theres bugs going around/they have the snuffles but it might be serious' it has a massive effect over time if that becomes the 'ok' response. We'll just not chase those children for absence becaaue their parent has OCD/anxiety.
At the end of the day, we had our chance at school and it would be irresponsible for anyone on here to say that the OP is ok to keep children off school to suit her needs. The children have a right to be educated.

When you choose to send your children to school you should do just that, send them. Taking them out for a holiday is one thing but taking them out the week before is wrong. I'm sorry that you have MH issues, I hope you're receiving the support needed, but where possible they should not be impacting on your children. As others have said that is a safeguarding issue.

OP I have considered the same in the past so I really do sympathise. Some friends always take their dc to a soft play the day before they go on holiday and it horrifies me!

How are you travelling to Paris? I've worked out that I'm much better travelling in my own car, rather than flying or going by public transport. That means that if anyone does get ill, we can still go as can deal with things in the car.

My anxiety has got a lot better as the dc have got older. They don't catch as many bugs and so travel feels a lot less riskier.

Hope that helps a little and best of luck.

Your children are very unlikely to get sick during that week (and I'm sure that part of you knows this), but even if they did, your DH is at home and he could deal with it while you took yourself out of the room/house.

To let your DH spend more time with the DC, you can get him to do the school runs and play with them after school while you have some time to relax or go to an extra therapy appointment if you can get one booked in.

Hi OP I am also emetephobic and completely understand why you want to do this. The thought would honestly cross my own mind, but I wouldn't do it. I know it's so hard, but it is not fair to make her miss school because of your problems, and you need to think about how the way you behave may effect your children. Picking up on our anxiety will only lead them up the same road as us. I try so hard to keep my issues away from my kids, but I am sure I do not 100% suceed. It's difficult to even know what's 'normal' when you're going through a bad patch, which is why you have posted this question. Don't cancel your holiday. Giving in only feeds your anxiety, by falsely 'confirming' your beliefs. They probably won't get sickness from school before you go or while you are there. If they do you WILL cope with it and you won't be alone as you will have DH by your side. The anxiety is somehow always worse than the actual event. i know you are not using this as an ulterior motive for anything else. If you haven't been through it it's hard for people to understand and how being away from home intensifies the anxiety. Sorry you are going through this.

Op if you don't feel strong enough to deal with robust replies then I'm reallly perplexed as to why you posted in aibu! No one is being particularly nasty, they're simply telling you that it would be v u to keep your DC off school as a result of your mental health problems. I don't think the holiday is a huge deal, especially given your DH's holiday situation from work. Keeping the kids off for a week beforehand would be a huge mistake and yes, possibly would warrant a SS intervention if the reasons became clear

Maiseypops Where did I say it was OK to keep children away from school?

I have encouraged op to send them to school! I am a teacher too, so I am hardly going to encourage anyone to keep their children away from school.

user1489094655 I have so much empathy for you, as I have OCD too. However, I would urge you to send your DC's to school and nursery, as every day at school is invaluable to their education.
Maisypops
^I have had to learn to use my OCD ways to good effect, which has been very hard at times. I would have a chat with your GP as, if you haven't already, perhaps you could be prescribed something like Half Beta, to help with the rising anxiety levels.

As other PPs have said, enjoy the week at home with your DH, prepare for your holiday. Very best wishes to you^

Please tell me where I am encouraging op to keep her children off school?

Katie0705
Didnt suggest you were saying she should keep them off.

I just disagree with you on the nature of most of the posts on here. I dont think they are unfair or judgemental. I think a lot of them are fair. It would be wrong for anyone to be all 'there there im sure you have your reasons'. Im sure it would make the OP feel better (and i get the impression OP was sort kf hoping for some validation).

If the OP feels that asking if she IBU is too much for her anxiety then posting on an internet forum asking if she's ok to pull her kids out of school for no reason is a silly thing to do.

For a holiday I would not keep them off.
I did keep DS2 off a couple of days before he had scheduled surgery. It he was at Playschool (although would still have kept him off if at primary school) as we had waited months and months and I didn't want to risk him being ill and the op being cancelled. But I kept him off for his sake as the sooner he had the op the better for his health not because I didn't want to deal with illness.
It's a slippery slope, next you'll keep them off before xmas so they aren't sick over xmas, or keep them off before a big day out on the weekend etc etc

It's not rational to keep them off school. It's not rational to have a sick phobia.
My situation makes me not think rationally.

I will take them to school.

I have had therapy which identified that it's the lack of control of sickness that is the issue. And adapting to dd going in reception where I forfeit 6 hours of control knowing some parents don't stick to the 48 hour rule hasn't helped.
On holiday, I would regain control of the situations facing us with my coping mechanisms.

I am not surprised of the opinions just the way the opinions have been expressed.

The waiting list for cbt is very long and I can't afford it privately.

I have to fight everyday to get up and function.

If anyone has any coping strategies or practical help it would be most welcome.

Maisypops I am not disputing the advice at all, its the tone of some of the posts that can be perceived as harsh. I agree that posting a query such as this is open to criticism, but when anxiety levels are very high it can be really hard to be rational and not take things to heart. I, for one, would never validate a decision to keep children away from school, not only for lost learning but also for needing a stable routine. Does this make sense? I hope so, as I really don't want to cause bad feeling.

What meds are you taking user1489094655 if any?

Rationality doesn't come into it. OCD isn't rational. Mental health issues aren't rational. You can spend all day trying to figure it out love, but it's just a part of you.

I understand emetophobia, although I don't have it, I do have some other OCD issues. If you can't get CBT, please discuss meds/different meds with your doctor. They really will help if you get the right combination.

The problem with keeping them off is the slippery slope. If you keep them off for this, then what will be next? Would you be better off homeschooling them? I will say that I don't see an issue with taking them out of school for holidays, but I know that's not a popular view and I'm not especially advocating it for other families, but it worked fine for mine.

I take citalopram. My GP did prescribe setraline but it made me feel nauseous and my anxiety went up because I thought it would make me sick so I freaked out and went back on citalopram.
I don't think it's the right med because it is an antidepressant and though I get depressed with the situation it is not the primary issue. But I am too scared to try anything else.

You know the answer is to deal with your phobia. Try cbt. It is free in my area, so it might be in yours. I found it really helpful. I had a crippling dog poo phobia that was affecting my children and I am so much better. I had soft dog poo on my finger a couple of weeks ago (plastic poop bag fail, not randomly finding some!) It didn't kill me or the dcs and I didn't need to chop my finger off. Yay cbt!

I think you need to go bk to your GP or MH team and get some additional help.

Katie0705
That makes perfect sense to me.

Hopefully deep down ghe OP knows keeping them off would be silly.

I have anxiety and worry they might all die and leave me alone knowing I killed them ()and dh says 'try not to worry.' He's usually great and if only it was that simple. I get stuck on the bad feeling and that's so hard to rationalise as it's not a rational fear.
Go back to your doctor. I started with one antidepressant and it helped a bit, but I was still ill so I tried venlafaxine. This antidepressant is a bit anti anxiety. High anxiety can make you nauseous too, so it might not be the antidepressant. I find that new/dose changes worsen the symptoms for a week or so, before it improves. Talk to your doctor to help you get well.

I couldn't care less, me and dh will be taking the children out on unauthorised holidays... mr and dh work full time, however out busineesss is FT 24/7 however the the best time we can take leave is outside school holidays... burnt out parents is ntjdrak for little ones!!!

Can you go back to your GP and say that your issues are affecting you so much that it's starting to affect the children and it's impacting massively on your family life? Sadly MH services are so under funded you need to push hard to get anywhere.

I do agree that your dc need to be in school and sadly you can't control the bugs they pick up. Isolating them from germs is not the answer though, the more they pick up the more they build up an immune system meaning that they should pick up less in terms of sickness as they get older.

I know someone who decided to keep all of her kids off school because one child in one class had something (a sick bug) and she didn't want them all catching it. Unfortunately her kids have been off school so much she's likely to start getting letters asking why their attendance is so low.

You can't just keep them off 'in case'. Life is full of stuff to be overcome.

I am on slow release propranolol it is a beta blocker which manages symptoms of anxiety. Works straight away and didn't make me feel sick at all. I used to take them with citalopram years ago . When it flared up again I could only take Propranonal because everything made me feel sick, which is a common side effect if them as you know :(
Also download the head space app it is fab.
I also find progressive muscle relaxation really helpful when I am really anxious. I just find it on you tube. It may take a couple before you find one you like. It got me through the channel tunnel last year!