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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my friend is a tight arse???

575 replies

FataliePorkman · 15/04/2017 18:20

Just been out for lunch with three friends and our DCs- the children all had the same (lunchboxes with a carton drink and then a small crispy cake) but us adults ate/drank varying amounts. Two of the friends are a couple and the other is single like me. Let's call her Joan.

3/4 of us shared a bottle and extra glass of wine and 2 soft drinks. Joan didn't drink as she lives further away from the pub than us so was driving.
We all had a starter and a main course and then we got a chessboard to share between us- but only me and the couple had some. Joan had 3 DC with her, I have 3 DC and the couple have 1 DC.

Anyway the bill came and friend from the couple suggested we split the bill 3 ways equally. I was fine with this, as were the couple. Joan refused and said she would only pay for what her and her DC had.

Awkward tension followed- Joan paid for her meal and her DC while me and my other two friends split the bill.

AIBU to think she is a bit tight??

OP posts:

Thread gallery

Lakegeneva40 · 16/04/2017 00:53

The couple are seriously taking the piss. Even if the kids meals are half the adult price this doesn't allow for the starters let alone the cheese and the drinks.
Couple. 2 adult meals £20.00 2 starters £10. 1 kids £,5. Total £35
Op and Joan £30 using same figures.
Add on the adult share of wine and cheese and you could easily be looking at another £30.

Gwenhwyfar · 16/04/2017 00:57

"Joan should have made it clear before the bill arrived that she would be paying for her own. "

Only if splitting the bill is the norm in her social group. In mine we almost always pay for what we had so there is no need to mention it beforehand.

KoalaDownUnder · 16/04/2017 00:57

Of course Joan is right but where is OP? Trying to find a teetotal vegan to go to a carvery?

lovingyalots · 16/04/2017 01:00

Are women mute?

Just say it before you accept the invite. I am gobsmacked at the lack of assertiveness. But I am a saint I forgot to add.

KoalaDownUnder · 16/04/2017 01:02

"Joan should have made it clear before the bill arrived that she would be paying for her own.

Yes, because that's not a gauche and awkward way to start a dinner out with friends, at all.

I hate it when people suggest this. So ridiculous.

Lakegeneva40 · 16/04/2017 01:11

No maybe the couple should have made it clear that they intended to screw the rat of the group over. Works both ways.

Lakegeneva40 · 16/04/2017 01:11

Rest

lovingyalots · 16/04/2017 01:26

Koala,

It is probably much worse after the meal when the bill arrives.Yikes.

Better to know before the leeches think they can eat and drink for London etc. at someone else's subsidy.

BadLad · 16/04/2017 03:34

I hope you enjoyed the chessboard.

Did anyone start with a pawn cocktail?

loaferloveforyou · 16/04/2017 03:37

Has Joan come back?

#teamjoany

KoalaDownUnder · 16/04/2017 03:46

It is probably much worse after the meal when the bill arrives.Yikes.

Well, fair point!

It's just so awkward, though. When do people think you're supposed to announce that you're only planning on paying your own share of the bill? Immediately after the air-kisses and greetings: 'So lovely to see you again! By the way, we only want to pay for what we consume today, okay? ?'

I really think that when the bill comes, the onus is on those who know they have eaten and drunk more to suggest that the 'lower consumers' only pay for their share.

KoalaDownUnder · 16/04/2017 03:46

Did anyone start with a pawn cocktail?

High-five!

FairytalesAreBullshit · 16/04/2017 03:55

I'm sort of on the fence as she didn't have alcohol or any cheese. Playing Devils advocate, maybe she's on a tight budget. Although the adult with 1 DC could argue about having to subsidise children that weren't hers.

As a rule even though you can drive after drinking I don't think it's sensible.

steff13 · 16/04/2017 04:39

Joan and the Op have six kids amongst them, the so called stinge couple had one.

#TeamJoan is infantile, but "stinge" is fine.

HappenedForAReisling · 16/04/2017 04:54

17 sodding pages just to find OP didn't come back

daffodilbrain · 16/04/2017 06:06

I think in these instances it's easier if at the outset you state you are paying seperately. Also the rest have an obligation to 'notice' if someone is partaking significantly less.

kiwigeekmum · 16/04/2017 06:35

Team Joan

How is it tight to expect to pay for what you've consumed?? (Plus a bit for the tip, obviously). Those expecting their meal to be subsidised are the ones being tight - and rude.

Fortunately it's always been assumed among my friends and co-diners that each pays for their own meal. It's only fair and reasonable. In fact, I think I've only been asked to split the bill once; it was pizza, the heavier drinkers threw in the extra for the tip and everyone was happy. But in a situation like the OP it's way too complicated to assume it would be fair to split it.

TheDowagerCuntess · 16/04/2017 06:46

I read the OP, and then re-read it, assuming the OP was Joan - it had to be reverse because there was no way anyone could think Joan was being unreasonable (and I say this as someone who prefers just to split the bill) ...

... but now I think maybe the OP isn't Joan, and is just too embarrassed to come back to the thread!

kiwigeekmum · 16/04/2017 06:58

I love a good spreadsheet, so I'll give it a go. From the OP:

the children all had the same
3/4 of us shared a bottle and extra glass of wine and 2 soft drinks.
Joan didn't drink
We all had a starter and a main course
and then we got a chessboard to share between us- but only me and the couple had some.
Joan had 3 DC with her, I have 3 DC and the couple have 1 DC.

Now, my prices might be out, but at a rough guess, here's what I've come up with (hope it makes sense). I've assumed the drinks & cheeseboard are shared per adult between the OP and couple.

OP should pay 41, couple should pay 57, Joan should pay 30.

A three way split would be 42.67, so obviously massively unfair on Joan.

friend from the couple suggested we split the bill 3 ways equally. -- This person is grabby and brass-necked, IMO, and if I were Joan I would be avoiding dining with them in future!

NSEA · 16/04/2017 07:12

I am in LOVE with that spreadsheet @kiwigeekmum

SallyGinnamon · 16/04/2017 07:15

I think the awkwardness arises when everyone tries to split down to the last penny.

Equal splits if everyone has had roughly the same.

If one person has gone for the caviar and lobster options then adjust the split. It still doesn't have to be exact but roughly in line with the proportion of the meal.

If one or two aren't drinking then take that out of the equation and split separately.

As for announcing first that she would only pay for herself, I assume she made that call when she realised that you lot were stuffing and guzzling and she wasn't!

Not that the OP is ever coming back!

FrancisCrawford · 16/04/2017 07:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lakegeneva40 · 16/04/2017 07:32

fairy tales there are two adults. 2 kids meal does not equal an adult 3 course meal with wine.

LavenderDoll · 16/04/2017 07:32

YABU
Team Joan

amprev · 16/04/2017 07:34

Pray for Joan.

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