To not give DH a lie in?

[Aliveinwanderland]

DS is 6 months old and wakes every 3 hours to be fed in the night. DH does a bottle at 9pm then I breastfeed all the other feeds.

On a week day DH is at work so takes DS downstairs for half an hour in a morning while he has his breakfast. He sometimes makes it home for bath and bed, sometimes not.

At a weekend he wants a lie in. I know he works hard but since he gets from 9pm -6am uninterrupted sleep I think he should let me have the lie ins! (By lie in I mean from 6am when DS wakes to around 8/9am).

AIBU to claim all the weekend lie ins myself?

I was up half the night with my last baby, for about two years. DH got up with him at six every single day (I was awake with him from four most days). He had had uninterrupted sleep all night so considered it fair to do the mornings and let me catch up.

YANBU OP, I can't believe anyone thinks otherwise.

Do you honestly think he's sleep deprived when he's getting what sounds like an uninterrupted eight hour stretch every night rabbit?

??? I don't understand why this is an issue. Surely you share the night wakes AND the lie ins. You do 9pm feed then go to bed and DH does first 'bottle' feed. Or if that's not suitable, whoever gets up, gets the lie in. Even with a lie in, you'd never 'catch up' on the sleep the non-interrupted person gets.
You can't separate the two issues as the lie in is just a way of making up for interruptrd sleep. It's not a competition its about surviving sleep deprivation which is inevitable if you get uninterrupted sleep 7 days a week for months.

*gets up in the night!

If DH gets the opportunity 7 days a week to sleep for 9 hours uninterrupted, then yes absolutely he should get up at the weekends.
Are people really saying that DH gets 7 x 9 hrs sleeps and possible extra few hours on top, where OP gets heavily interrupted sleep every single night?!

First off, I think that whatever works for any particular couple is absolutely fine.

But for me, as a mother of kids who are way past toddler stage, and as someone who now works full time, I would say the roles of stay at home parent of a baby and full time work are absolutely incomparable.

Unless your full time role is a nurse, doctor, night shifts or wholly manual, taking care of a baby on minimal sleep - especially if you're getting out and about and managing to do ANY tiny bits of housework whatsoever- taking care of a baby is so so so so much harder. On the mind and body.

I'd be wary of being a relationship with anyone who didn't appreciate this and take over the reigns as soon as they got in from work until they set off for work in the morning.

My husband went to work and did a load of the night feeds too. And I can tell you right now that I'd much rather have been in his position.

Having a baby is amazing, but really hard graft.

Loads of women have opinions about what constitutes laziness and unreasonableness when it comes to parenting, but I can't believe 20 year olds are getting into relationships with men for the first time in 2017 and doing the bulk of the domestic chores just because they were born with a vagina.

I'm sure loads of people "feel sorry" for the husband who "has" to go to work and then get up a couple of times at night for the kid he helped create.

Personally, I feel sorry for the people who aren't getting their needs met because of outdated judgements about what constitutes parenting roles.

Like ANYTHING with parenting. If you love your kids and love yourself, do what works for you. All the best.

Very conventional view here but when I was on mat leave I did the night feeds and let DH have a lie in at weekends. Once both of us went back to work it was 50:50 on getting up during the night and early starts. On the napping when the baby does thing - you can still rest even though you may not get a nap

Cant you do
Fri night:- as you do now with you getting lie in
Sat night:- bf at 9 then you go to bed. Dh then does all night wakings with bottles. He gets lie in, you get up at 6.

I don't think this is about having a vagina or not. If you are on Mat leave and DH is full time at work then it is kind of your job to do the bulk of the childcare. Once you are back at work then 50:50 is the deal.

Fatimashortbread, I don't see how the two compare. Unless her husband is working full time and on call every night then he is going to be more rested. Doing night wakes with a baby for me was not just the getting up but not being able to fully relax due to knowing I was going to be awake again in a couple of hours.

Maternity leave doesn't mean you should do every child related task.

Most people I know split lay ins, try that?

I definitely have it easier being home with dd, than my boyfriend being at work WomenStanley
Although he does take over with dd when he gets in so he can have time with her and we split household chores pretty much 50/50. I'm very aware I get the better deal though, and much more time to myself than he does.

I do think you doing the 9 o'clock breastfeed then him doing the next feed (12ish? If going 3 hours) as a bottle is the best bet op, then you'd both get 6 hours straight.
Is there a reason you haven't tried that?

I think taking turns is the best option, we also take turns on baby duty at the weekends too x

fatima

during the day? Sure.
Dh definitely does that. He does an awesome job. He is the one looking after our precious baby girl. I mean, you can't put a number on this. Plus, people looking after children have to be there 100& pretty much always (well, unless it's naptime, I suppose).

Whilst I do have to concentrate when working I myself can get up and get a coffee etc without worrying swallows something/does something super dangerous, right?

Anyhow: We both have full-time jobs during the day. (childcare and office work). What kind of influence does this have on the nights?

Hi OP, could anything be done to improve your current feeding schedule. I know each little person is different but I worked really hard wean my mennace of his night feeds at about 6 months. I was going insane 😪. It's so hard and I envied my husband going to work however the reality was that he was awake each time I got up. YANBU to want a lie in and your LO sounds like a hungry monster. If you need any advice,let me know xxxx

I do all wake ups and get ups once in a blue moon i get the lie in. And that's generally when I'm unwell even then I'm expected to get up. Dp sleep is more important in his eyes.

One each is the best way to do it.

That would only be true if her DH's work also involved him waking several times in the night fatima.

yanbu- but i get the weekend lie-ins in my house! When LO sleeps through regularly or when DH shares the night shifts then he can have half the lie ins. The mornings are often the longest stretches of uninterrupted sleep i get, and LO and I sleep in a different room so he gets full nights undisturbed.

Fluffing, I remember how pants it was when I got ill and had to carry on with everything :-(

It's been a while but DH went to bed at 8pm, I BF DS at 10pm and then settled him. We both woke at 2am (him to bottle feed, me to express) and then back to bed. I would be asleep a bit quicker. Then I did 6am BF. But I always managed at least one nap through the day.
DS was a bit younger tho and has always been a good sleeper. I was getting 6 straight hours by 6-7 months.
We argue more now about lie ins with DS at 7yo. We have swimming and park run at weekends so whoever gets to sleep til 8am is doing well. I definitely don't miss the baby days.
I definitely sounds like the nights he won't settle quickly are the killers. No good advice....sorry.

No martyr, trust me - I let it be known if i don't like something, but prior to going back to work i took it for granted I wasn't working therefore childcare was my job regardless of time, just went to bed early the next day if it was tough! Half asleep doesn't keep you in paid employment! Share the lie ins or both of you just go to bed a bit earlier in the week if you can so you don't need one.

Yabu take it in turns. I did all night Feeds but still took it in turns. It's the only fair way.

Wow you are so lucky! My LO is 9 months and has not slept though ever, dad does no feeds at all as she won't accept a bottle, I can count on one hand when baby has slept for 2.5/3 hours in one go, mostly I'm woken hourly! My OH has had lie ins both days every single weekend, some until 2pm, but mostly until at least 11. I'm ready to kill him as I think this is absolutely twat ish behaviour. I think 1 each once a week is a good compromise, I'd be over the moon with that, or perhaps at least let him have a lie in every other week, if you feel that you need more than 1 in 7, but I think to never ever let him have a lie in is a bit much.

Can one of you have an afternoon nap at the weekends so you both get extra sleep. Hopefully your baby will sleep better soon now they at weaning and perhaps you could get DH to do an overnight formula feed?