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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give DH a lie in?

346 replies

Aliveinwanderland · 15/04/2017 06:49

DS is 6 months old and wakes every 3 hours to be fed in the night. DH does a bottle at 9pm then I breastfeed all the other feeds.

On a week day DH is at work so takes DS downstairs for half an hour in a morning while he has his breakfast. He sometimes makes it home for bath and bed, sometimes not.

At a weekend he wants a lie in. I know he works hard but since he gets from 9pm -6am uninterrupted sleep I think he should let me have the lie ins! (By lie in I mean from 6am when DS wakes to around 8/9am).

AIBU to claim all the weekend lie ins myself?

OP posts:
Shadowboy · 15/04/2017 12:48

I think it also depends on the job the OH does, so if he's working on a job that requires a lot of either intense concentration or physical activity then he will likely need a lie in once a week, or at least one in every fortnight. Are you saying he goes to be at half 9? If so that suggests he's tired. I don't know many adults to go that early unless tired. Even in nights that my husband does our daughter I still hear her so maybe he hears your baby?

It's teamwork not a competition of who gets more and if he feels he really needs it then he should have an opportunity to have a lie in as should you. I hope you manage to find an equitable way of divvying it up.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 15/04/2017 13:12

It sounds as if your ds is in his own room. Why is this? You'd get a lot more/better sleep co-sleeping.

BeyondThePage · 15/04/2017 13:22

You'd get a lot more/better sleep co-sleeping

hahaha, I had 2 wrigglers, and snorers and grunters and kickers, and moaners and groaners and.....

much better for the whole family if they slept in their own room!

Ecureuil · 15/04/2017 13:23

I couldn't sleep a wink with either of mine in my bed.

IrregularCommentary · 15/04/2017 13:30

I get both lie ins here. 7mo dd. No chance of more than about a 10min break with her during the day - she is very high maintenance!

Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 15/04/2017 13:32

Haybales he is in his own room because when we tried cosleeping he wanted to play when he woke up and not sleep! I also need a thick duvet to be able to sleep.

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/04/2017 13:43

YABU.

You need to split the lie ins.

Flossimodo · 15/04/2017 14:05

I'm confused as to why a six month old is waking 3 times during the night after a bottle feed at 9pm. However, I think yabu. Your DH has no chance of a lie in, ever, and you get 2 consecutive days of opportunity? Presumably at the weekend you both get an equal chance of a daytime nap? He sounds like he is doing as much as he can conceivably do to help while holding down a full time job out of the house, One lie in each sounds fair to me.

Ecureuil · 15/04/2017 14:08

I'm confused as to why a six month old is waking 3 times during the night after a bottle feed at 9pm

Because all babies are different? DD2 woke hourly at 6 months. No idea why. It nearly broke me.

Original poster
Aliveinwanderland · 15/04/2017 14:13

Flosimodo- if you could share your magic wand that will make him sleep through I would much appreciate it!

He has always woken up often during the night. The longest he has ever been between feeds is 3.5 hours. No idea why.

OP posts:
Flossimodo · 15/04/2017 14:30

I have no magic wand and sorry didn't mean to sound snidey. I'm no stranger to the wee small hours myself as I had a virtually non-sleeping baby, but that was due to a specific medical issue so there was nothing we could do about it. Sleeping shifts helped, we found. Still think sharing the lie ins is fairest. And nap sharing at weekends.

Blueskyrain · 15/04/2017 16:31

If you are awake when your husband does the feed at 9pm, then why don't you do that feed, and he do the midnight one. That way, you should be able to sleep from about ten to three, giving you a block of around 5 hours, compared to 2-3 hours now.

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 15/04/2017 16:44

When mine were too little to sleep through, XH took both the weekends because "he wasn't a morning person, and I was". He did a dream feed at 11pm, and then slept until around 9am on Saturday and Sunday, despite the fact that I was doing multiple wakings per night (DC2 wasn't sleeping through when DC3 was born; DC1 had night terrors).

One of the many reasons our marriage ended.

Emboo19 · 15/04/2017 16:55

Me and my boyfriend split lie ins, our dd is also 6 months but pretty much sleeps through. Has a bottle from her dad at bed time, then breast feeds 9/10 then wakes 5.30/6.30.

Before she was sleeping through, he was really good though and generally got up both weekend mornings so I could catch up on my sleep a bit.

Could your partner start giving the 9 o'clock bottle through the night instead? To give you a longer stretch.
Do you think your dc is waking from hunger or just habit? My boyfriend would try settle dd first before I'd feed her, and that's how she got out of waking for milk/comfort!

coffeecoffeecoffeee · 15/04/2017 16:58

YABU a little... have 1 each. Split them.

ChippieFishieHorshie · 16/04/2017 14:50

YANBU.

Needing to wake up every 2.5 hours is awful.

I'd rather take 5 hours of undisturbed sleep than 10 hours of interrupted "rest".

Anyhow, he wakes up at 6... I don't see what's so shitty about this. I often do the same...

DH is a stahp (work from home part-time parent), I unfortunately don't have that option.
As for lie-ins. that honestly depends. But if one of us was responsible for all the night-feeds and getting up (luckily greatly decreased) it would be imo very obvious that said person gets all the available lie-ins.

DH currently gets up during weeknights, I do the mornings (I'm up early anyway for work). And on the weekends it depends (but DH is usually the one that gets to sleep a bit longer). This comment is probably useless, seeing as our arrangement doesn't seem possible for you.

Mumtotwobs · 16/04/2017 17:36

I was blessed with a second child who was EBF and didn't like sleeping at night so for me napping whilst I had a two year old wasn't an option. But having said that one lie in a week didn't even cut the sleeplessness and I actually found it more helpful to have a DH who actually got sleep to help out. I think it's your choice as to how you work it with your DH but if my experience is anything to go by that lie in wasn't ever worth it and I took the view that DH was more help awake during the day at the weekend than that lie in was worth. HTH.

w12newmum · 16/04/2017 17:43

YANBU in my opinion. I have a 9 week old and my DP works shifts. I don't know how it will be by 6 months but I haven't yet been able to go back to bed in the morning or sleep when baby sleeps (baby only has short naps in day and only on me or in sling/buggy/car). When DP is not working he will nearly always get up at 6-7am after I have done the first feed so he can help or let me have a short nap or shower. He often sleeps on the sofa though as he isn't good with disturbed or less sleep. Although it's lovely to have him in the same bed I don't see the point in him being knackered and less able to help with things in the day.

Vicbc · 16/04/2017 17:55

If you even have to discuss what is fair yabbu. You should be looking after each other and not scoring points on who is most tired or needs it most. Some weeks you'll cope OK, give your OH the lie ins. He goes out to work all week and needs to be on form. Some weeks may be a real struggle for you, he should be able to see that and offer lie ins to you. Its not that black and white. Look after each other, respect what each of you do, stop competing, share, support, watch out for each other, offer help when one or the other needs some extra time out etc!!! Fairness isn't counting it all out hour by hour.....

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 16/04/2017 18:28

One each is fairer. You can nap when baby naps!

Imabadmummy · 16/04/2017 18:53

It's hard when your getting up a lot.
My youngest woke every 3 hours for a feed until he was nearly 7 months, and even then it was slow extending to 5-6 hour stretches.

We used to split the sleep in's and I would often nap on an afternoon if I had a bad night - or sometimes just cose I wanted to.

It's not just about that sleep in but it gives you a little me time too, which is important.

We still split the sleep in now, youngest is 4, even bank hols and holidays we take it in turn to get up with the kids.
I'm not a morning person (unless morning starts about 10.30 ) and never have been. I sometimes let him have my sleep in too if he's been on a night call out but I'm ready for my me time the following week lol.

DorotheaHomeAlone · 16/04/2017 18:55

Another one who is astounded at the mere suggestion that a man who has has had 7 nights of uninterrupted sleep should get a lie in over a woman who gets up every night with a baby. Mind boggling. And not in a good way. Sad

Rabbit01 · 16/04/2017 18:56

It is a toughie as I'm sure you are both sleep deprived. I know I'll get shot down, but if you can nap when baby does then do try to as it will help. Also both of you try to naps at the weekend during the day at diff times if you can, take it in turns. There is a lot a pressure to have the perfect house, but without enough sleep you'll both be grumpy, I've been there, big sympathy, hang in there you both, it is very hard indeed. I think breastfeeding is also exhausting. Try to talk it through with your hubbie as it doesn't matter what we think, It's what you guys think and need that's important xx

Flowersandbirds · 16/04/2017 19:01

You need to ditch tidying the kitchen and just go to sleep when your baby does. Do the kitchen tidying later on when the baby wakes up.

user1473602935 · 16/04/2017 19:05

I'm with you OP

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