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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - is it my fault my child is being teased ?

107 replies

LankySara · 15/04/2017 00:24

I just had a massive argument with DDs dad.

My DD has a severe language disorder and has been recently introduced to a high tec communication system, e.g. When you press certain keys it talks. There was an incident where DD was being taunted by the other kids by using it. I told DDs dad about this and he went ape he then began to tell me "That she should stop using it at once, if I carry on using it in public or wherever and she gets bullied then it's my fault, that I want his child to stay dumb, that he will teach her to speak normally, that he knows it will help her to speak but she won't be using it everywhere, if we are out and people look at us funny (when she uses it) then I shouldn't be surprised if people look at us funny..l".

When I tried to explain to him that it will help to talk more verbally, he began to call me "stupid, that I don't get it".

Sad AIBU ? Should I stop using DDS talking device in public if she's at risk of ridicule ? Is it my fault that she got bullied ??

OP posts:
Dinosaurus86 · 15/04/2017 00:27

It's not your fault. If it will help her speech then it sounds sensible. Some children can be horrible.

DeadGood · 15/04/2017 00:31

Are you in a relationship with this man?

As for him teaching her "to speak normally" - has something been stopping him from exercising his superior teaching skills so far?

edwinbear · 15/04/2017 00:32

No, of course she shouldn't stop using it. What on earth would he prefer for her to do? Not communicate at all? The fault lies with the other kids not the device.

BlossomCat · 15/04/2017 00:32

It's the bullying childrens fault that she got bullied. Not yours.
Her communication device gives her access to the world and therefore gives her power. I've only got experience of adults using devices likes this, but they open up the world, she will probably benefit from using it.
Your Dh sounds very defensive and not supportive of you or her, is it possible to go back to the speech therapist and talk about the benefits of her aid?
Flowers for you x

Original poster
LankySara · 15/04/2017 00:33

I am in a relationship with him.

But I'm worried about using it in public as people do look at us when I use it with her.

OP posts:
edwinbear · 15/04/2017 00:34

And I wouldn't look at you funny if I saw you using it, and if my DC commented, I'd explain but give them short shrift if there was anything other than natural curiosity.

edwinbear · 15/04/2017 00:36

OP people will look, because it's unusual. Doesn't mean they are judging. I think it's incredible that technology can do this stuff and how wonderful it can!

Original poster
LankySara · 15/04/2017 00:37

DDs would not go to see the speech therapist, his too proud. He did have a chance too but he had work.

OP posts:
BlossomCat · 15/04/2017 00:37

If other people look, it's their problem, not yours or your daughters.
Would you take away a wheelchair from someone if other people looked at the user? It's roughly the same thing, an access aid, it's just aiding her access to communication not mobility, but needs to be treated with the same respect.

Original poster
LankySara · 15/04/2017 00:39

I used the exact same analogy but he wouldn't hear of it blossom. I know the more I use it the more it will help DD with her verbal speech as it has helped so much already.

OP posts:
BlossomCat · 15/04/2017 00:49

It must be so frustrating. I had a teacher who wanted to take an aid away from my son as it made him 'look different.' I was able to go apeshit at the school and call in the OTs to support me, and got it sorted. But it was so frustrating.
your situation is different as it's her dad. Is he in denial about the severity of her situation?
Sending you a very un-mumsnetty hug Flowers

BillSykesDog · 15/04/2017 00:52

What does DD think about using it in public? That's the important thing. Is she happy to use it when she is out and about do you think? Does he think he is somehow defending her from being made to do something she doesn't like?

Original poster
LankySara · 15/04/2017 00:56

She loves it bill honestly , she has to have it wherever she goes, from the moment she gets up she asks for it. She was sad when she got ridiculed but it didn't seem to put her off it.

OP posts:
titchy · 15/04/2017 00:59

Keep the aid, dump the bloke. HTH

Original poster
LankySara · 15/04/2017 01:02

You think I should itchy ?

OP posts:
Goldfishjane · 15/04/2017 01:04

Hang on
He refuses to let her have speech therapy? And now this?

Original poster
LankySara · 15/04/2017 01:16

He doesn't mind her going speech therapy he just isn't that bothered about going himself.

OP posts:
BillSykesDog · 15/04/2017 01:21

Well if she wants it case closed.

user1491572121 · 15/04/2017 01:22

Let them look! I can't believe this...your poor DD and poor you with this kind of ignorance! He has NOTHING to do with her right to communicate and it IS a right.

Her device is a brilliant addition to her life and he should be helping her and you to work out ways in which to deflect the stares or comments...not giving in to them!

PovertyPain · 15/04/2017 01:25

He's a selfish, rotten bastard, op. I'm sorry, but he is. He is more concerned about his daughter embarrassing him in public, than he is about her wellbeing. He can come out with all the bull shit he likes, but that's the real reason behind his anger. Teach her to speak, when he can't even make the effort to attend her s&l therapy? Not likely.

I think you need to think very carefully about the messages he is sending your child. If he starts making an issue out of her aid then he is going to seriously affect your daughter's confidence and feelings of self worth.

TyrionLannisterforKing · 15/04/2017 01:26

Why would he go? Does he struggle with speech, too? Because he could be projecting.

Oh, and LTB. His behavior is awful, and it will escalate.

DeadGood · 15/04/2017 01:30

"He doesn't mind her going speech therapy he just isn't that bothered about going himself."

No, he refused to go, OP. Sorry to sound pedantic but your language is minimising.

Keep standing up for your lovely daughter, OP. Also, you didn't answer my question. If he is prepared to teach your daughter himself, why hasn't he? He is just using this as a convenient way of shutting the conversation down. You need to call him out on it, or he will continue to say it, to make you stop talking about it.

BillSykesDog · 15/04/2017 01:44

People looking is probably just a reaction to an unfamiliar noise anyway, not any sort of judgement.

DJBaggySmalls · 15/04/2017 02:13

He wants her to be not disabled, as if him ignoring classes and her trying harder will somehow magically fix it.
Dont stop your daughter being able to communicate. Its essential she has a language, its irrelevant what that language is. Many members of my family use sign language; when people look at us signing in public its often because they are curious. Its not always malicious.

Ceto · 15/04/2017 02:13

The sad reality is that bullies will use any excuse. If your daughter hadn't had the communication device, they'd have bullied her for her speech problems.

However, do ask her father to tell you more about his miracle cure for the language problem and how come he hasn't bothered to implement it before.

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