AIBU - is it my fault my child is being teased ?

[LankySara]

I just had a massive argument with DDs dad.

My DD has a severe language disorder and has been recently introduced to a high tec communication system, e.g. When you press certain keys it talks. There was an incident where DD was being taunted by the other kids by using it. I told DDs dad about this and he went ape he then began to tell me "That she should stop using it at once, if I carry on using it in public or wherever and she gets bullied then it's my fault, that I want his child to stay dumb, that he will teach her to speak normally, that he knows it will help her to speak but she won't be using it everywhere, if we are out and people look at us funny (when she uses it) then I shouldn't be surprised if people look at us funny..l".

When I tried to explain to him that it will help to talk more verbally, he began to call me "stupid, that I don't get it".

AIBU ? Should I stop using DDS talking device in public if she's at risk of ridicule ? Is it my fault that she got bullied ??

God no LankySara, I wasn't trying to say it was your fault love. I meant it seemed like he was blaming you.

OP don'th stay with him of you don't want to. If he is abusive, controls you, treats you as of you are stupid etc, please speak to Women's Aid.

OP I'm pleased you can see his behaviour is awful. It's hard when some women make excuses and try to gloss over it. Again it just shows how you have your DD at the top of your priority list.

It isn't you. Trust me. I've been around an awful lot of children with additional needs from Autism all the way through to mitochondrial disease. I've looked after non verbal 16 year olds with the same level of understanding as a 2 year old. It isn't you. You haven't caused her to have a speech problem. You are helping her to live her life despite it! You are doing amazingly.

And he could not be more wrong. If she doesn't have her device, she wouldn't just learn to talk. She would most likely stop talking all together.

This isn't your fault. But you are supporting and helping her with no judgement and shame and you should be so proud of you and your DD.

Sorry I was working all day yesterday.

Ds1 was introduced to PECS at 3 (tried Makaton but didn't work then as he couldn't imitate - he started using sign when he was 8 and had learned to imitate).

He got his LAMP device aged 12 and just flew with it for a number of years - it made such a major difference to everything.

He then had a second regression (prob due to epilepsy) and stopped using the device (I think when he is having a lot of seizure activity it makes it hard to use). So he went from coming home &telling me he had been taking his headteachers glasses off at school (he thought this was hilarious) to not being able to ask for a drink by passing me a cup. Whe he started on epilepsy drugs he began to use it again but how much he is using it depends on his seizure activity. But everything for him is more difficult without that easy use of the device. I have introduced communication grids in folders as he seems to find those easier to use but he gets very upset when he cannot make himself understood.

I am starting a SALT degree later this year because it made such a difference to him.

I am deaf my friends are deaf, we sign to each other, people start because they haven't seen it before and yes they take the Mick. Should we stop using it? NO!

what if they bullied her for her hair? Should she dye it? NO!

it helps her, its an aid, same as a wheelchair, Cane, service dog.

I'd be telling him to fuck off and come back with his teaching/linguistic/speech therapy qualifications!

I'm sad he's made you feel like you're not doing the right thing by your child. He should be supporting you. Ditch!

lanky his response to that question shows he isn't thinking of her at all.
He is a fool if he thinks remove a child's means of communication will force them to speak.
Ask Meekon and I am sure she can attest to that. If you tie a Deaf child's hands together it doesn't make them talk. If it did my Grandmother and Grandfather would have been fluent in spoken English.

Anyone with basic knowledge of speech will be able to tell your OH that a child needs to acquire certain skills before they can move on to the next stage and your DD's aid is precisely for that purpose.
People like your OH make me want to bash my head on a desk

It is important to think clearly. Far better to bash the poor OP's OH's head on the desk. Metaphorically, of course.

Being able to communicate aids language development, for pity's sake. It's hardly rocket science. He sounds a bit of a pillock.