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Original poster

To think I'm not normal about dtd?

301 replies

DcQuinn · 14/04/2017 23:16

My first time post after lurking for a while.

I have been reading about how some women feel that having sex once a week is not enough for their partners. Because they don't feel like it etc. But now i am starting to feel that i have a problem. I could go months without it. It doesn't bother me anymore. My husband is actually great and has the patience of a saint. I feel so bad for him, i just wonder what the hell is wrong with me? We have been together for 14 years and I still fancy him loads. I have a 15 year old and my two youngest are 3 and 16 weeks. But i have felt like this before i had the younger two. So what is wrong with me?!

OP posts:
user1484578224 · 16/04/2017 17:40

my OP is toothless and fat so I don't.

AbernathysFringe · 16/04/2017 17:41

I was really highly sexed between the ages of 18 and 31. If I wasn't doing it I was writing about it or thinking about it. Two years ago I had my DD, now the idea of anyone going near me in that department is of almost zero interest. The idea of penises strikes me as ridiculous and gross. It's like I've had a personality transplant, a huge part of what made me, me has vanished. Luckily I'm single so I'm not having to deal with it right now, although I'd love to be in a relationship...but can't imagine how any new relationship will come about unless I can generate some interest in sex again.

mummylove2monsters · 16/04/2017 17:47

I could happily never do it again - my partner gets really angry 😡 this makes me worse - I do it to keep him happy but if he gets cross it makes me even less likely to do it .

AlexRose5 · 16/04/2017 17:49

OP there's nothing odd about you . Where are very small children there is usually a very tired parent! Give it time and stop being so hard on yourself ... That only makes sex feel like a duty or a chore rather than something that's supposed to pleasure BOTH partners . It's refreshing to read your husband is being patient instead of adding to the pressure you're already putting yourself under. Believe me you're not alone... My husband works all the hours god sends, and by the time he gets home and I've settled the five kids, we barely manage to eat a meal and have a chat before tiredness takes over! Really, go easy on yourself, the less pressure you feel the more at ease you will be when the libido comes back .Flowers

haveacupoftea · 16/04/2017 17:51

Some people just aren't very sexual. It's also hard to be bothered making the effort if you have a lazy partner who just lies there (not saying your DH does OP but I bet a lot of men do then wonder why they don't get any)

JoJoManon · 16/04/2017 17:55

I haven't RTFT but I feel the same.
I have one DC age 3, sleeps through the night, always has, I get plenty of sleep, I'm not tired. I just don't have any sex drive any more. Not for my DH or anyone else for that matter.
We've had sex about three times since the toddler was conceived. My partner is gorgeous, he is my soul mate, my best friend and I adore him. So it isn't that.
My DH isn't that bothered either. I mean occasionally he tries to initiate something and I rebuff him. I'd just rather read a book.

I don't really know why I'm like this but I'm not that bothered. It would bother me if I thought my husband was really upset about it, but he doesn't seem to be.

The only thing that really concerns me is when I read articles by "experts" who say that a sexless marriage is doomed and that sex is vital in a loving marriage to stay connected etc. Then I start to get concerned that I'm not normal and my relationship is doomed.

NabobsFromNobHill · 16/04/2017 17:56

You treat people with disrespect and eventually they'll find a way to pay you back

What a fucked up thing to say, or even think. I really don't think whoever said this is in any position to advise on relationships. Or human life at all, really.

iamthemanny · 16/04/2017 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Daydream007 · 16/04/2017 18:11

You are normal!

Adalfieri · 16/04/2017 18:11

I'm 40 + 3 days pregnant (come out baby!!!) and still up for it. My problem is that it's my other half who isn't. He's gone off sex for about 3 years in our 4 year marriage. If it did happen, it was maybe once a month if I was lucky? I have no idea how I fell pregnant as we had a 3-4 month hiatus at that point - his sperm must have gone crazy with the release and shot right up to do their business like nuclear warfare.

So, it's not only us women who go off sex. My bloke claims he still finds me attractive and he's definitely not cheating on me considering he spends all his non working time either at home or at the gym. It's just one of those things that happen in life.

Thank goodness for vibrators.

HappyFlappy · 16/04/2017 18:16

I can barely manage two days without jumping my OH. If we're out all I can think about is how much i fancy him

I used to be like this.

These days I keep a bucket of cold water next to the bed in case he starts getting ideas.

Flossimodo · 16/04/2017 18:16

To harrypottersmagicwand. Ner. No fantasies here. Johnny Depp in his younger days was the most drop dead gorgeous man I'd ever clapped eyes on. He could walk in here right now with a bottle of Krug, and blow in my ear, and I couldn't be arsed to open my legs. Shit, innit?

Alter · 16/04/2017 18:18

Same here, I think it's hormonal and quite common, only certain times of the month do I get the desire, still feel like it's so much effort though. My dh doesn't really understand because he wants to all the time, we have just come to a compromise bybtalking it through.

JacquelineChan · 16/04/2017 18:18

Funnily enough I just said to my mate I'd turn down Tom Hardy mist nights in favour of an episode of Corrie and she said she's the same . We are both early 40''s, I've got a 3 year old , she has no kids .

Ellapaella · 16/04/2017 18:20

I find when I'm ovulating I want loads of sex and for the few days before and after (so for about 8 days a month) I will initiate it a lot and we have it everyday. Then it's like a light just goes out and I'm just suddenly not interested at all, once I make the effort I do enjoy it but it's nowhere near as frequent. When I was in my 20's I had a much higher sex drive and I really hope it makes a come back as I actually love the 'high' that I get and the good mood I'm in when I'm ovulating, I wish everyday could be like that.

Shuzza · 16/04/2017 18:23

So pleased to find this thread, it's becoming an issue for my husband and I. I know many here are saying it's normal, but what can be done about it? Long term a mismatched sex drive can cause real difficultly. It's not fair to ask any woman just to lie back and crack on for the sake of her marriage, nor expect a man to continue in a relationship where he feels... not sure what the word is... rejected? Disappointed regularly?
Is separation the only answer? Or is there some kind of middle ground that you can find your way back to? How do you find it?

spankhurst · 16/04/2017 18:27

My DS is 10 and DH and I have only just really started having a regular sex life again. We've had a decade of very little physical contact for many reasons. If you can both accept the status quo and stay affectionate and loving, you may find that things change eventually.

Shockers · 16/04/2017 18:32

We've been together for 20 years and the desire to dtd waxes and wanes. It's not through lack of love, or not fancying each other, it's just that it's not a perfunctory task for us.

When it happens it's great, but we've gone 6 months before now. Luckily, we are similar in our drives.

lottieandmia · 16/04/2017 18:34

Some people just have a low sex drive. Unfortunately I have a high sex drive which I think is worse!

heron98 · 16/04/2017 18:36

I could easily never have sex.

HOWEVER, I do think it's an important part of a relationship so ensure I suggest it once or twice a week. Once I get started I always enjoy it. I find if it's me doing the suggesting I feel more "empowered" if that's the right word, rather than being annoyed at him suggesting it.

AlyHughes86 · 16/04/2017 18:36

Oh my goodness petal give yourself a break. You have a 16 week old! It took me a year after each child to feel like I had reclaimed by body from the kiddo and that just ain't sexy. You've had a short space between each kiddo as well it seems. Mine are 2 years 3 months apart and at no point from the minute I fell pregnant with 1st to a year after the 2nd was born did I feel horny! Even when I was trying with my second, it was entirely cursory. Feel v different now with my youngest just turning 3. This too shall pass

user1480459555 · 16/04/2017 18:48

I find this thread very sad. Ok if you are both fine with little or no sex but it is not normal or healthy not to want sex with someone you love on the whole.

I am just so glad we chose not to have children

LouKout · 16/04/2017 18:50

Thatll make her feel better then

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 16/04/2017 18:57

I'm 45 and single, and I haven't had sex in 9 years. I sometimes miss it, but I've never had a high drive, even before DC.

Trudij123 · 16/04/2017 19:00

Img you could be my twin !! That's exactly what I'm like