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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sacrifice for 4 years maximum

156 replies

So2007 · 14/04/2017 21:57

for the life you want?

Do it?

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 15/04/2017 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JungleInTheRumble · 15/04/2017 09:45

Why be so cryptic about something so dull?! I read all through the thread to see if it was pornography and was disappointed to see it's software development...

Original poster
So2007 · 15/04/2017 10:00

Again I wasn't being cryptic. I originally wanted to know simply if four years is a short or a long time to spend to get to one's dreams. It didn't even matter if it was my dream, it could be anyone's dream, hence the lack of details until I was asked about my personal circumstances.

OP posts:
Original poster
So2007 · 15/04/2017 10:01

But you would not be sacrificing anything. You would be working towards your dream

Actually, you're right. I'll start looking at it this way. Paying my dues.

OP posts:
Original poster
So2007 · 15/04/2017 10:02

I read all through the thread to see if it was pornography and was disappointed to see it's software development...

Well, my dream excites me in a way pornography never did so... :)

OP posts:
JanetBrown2015 · 15/04/2017 11:17

So you got a job you weren't very keen on and your husband is following you to the US for that job but he has ended up with his dream job there. In that case you are not a trailing spouse.

Go for it. It sounds like a good opportunity. Make sure you know all about the legal side -if you are employed or self employed, who will own the copyright in any work you generate, what legal rights in terms of immigration law you have in the US, where you will pay tax etc etc

HerBluebiro · 15/04/2017 11:20

The problem is that in the abstract 4 years is meaningless. 4 years of what degree of sacrifice? For what pay off? At what stage in your life? These details are vital for people to make a decision.

Delayed gratification is essential for most grown ups. But some people (women in particular) can delay that gratification too far and never get it.

Most degrees are 3 or 4 years in the hopes of a better paid job at the end. Internships are exploitative sacrifice in the hopes of well paid in the end.

Many women step out of the work force for a bit. Sacrificing earnings for 5 or 10 years for the pay off of a different sort of relationship with their children.

4 years unhappiness/sacrifice when you near the end of your life is usually not worth it. But even then some palliative chemo etc can be a 'sacrifice' in order to gain extra time.

So details are vital. Not just because we hate goady drip feeding

JapaneseTea · 15/04/2017 11:22

Read the Susan Jeffers book 'feel the fear and do it anyway'.
It is a cliche now but it is a fucking fab book and will help you no end.

Original poster
So2007 · 15/04/2017 22:45

Go for it. It sounds like a good opportunity. Make sure you know all about the legal side

Thank you!

The problem is that in the abstract 4 years is meaningless. 4 years of what degree of sacrifice? For what pay off? At what stage in your life? These details are vital for people to make a decision.

Yes, that's why I wanted to know is four years of sacrifice worth it to achieve your dream from different perspectives, in different contexts.

OP posts:
Original poster
So2007 · 15/04/2017 22:45

Read the Susan Jeffers book 'feel the fear and do it anyway'.

Will look out for this! Thanks!

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 15/04/2017 22:53

You've given no compelling reasons to stay, OP.

Original poster
So2007 · 15/04/2017 23:10

Status quo is we live where this is a very good quality of life (better than the US by established metrics), my husband has a very good job that pays well, I can say we are happy here, but yes, both of our career goals will have more opportunities in the US.

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Original poster
So2007 · 15/04/2017 23:10

Oh, and also we would need to live in different countries for a year at least, while my visa is undergoing processing.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 15/04/2017 23:11

What is your plan for your passion if you don't take the job & move?

Floggingmolly · 15/04/2017 23:16

Why would you need to live apart for a year whilst awaiting your visa? You're the one with the job offer; he's the one starting from scratch - why would he go ahead of you a year earlier? Sounds crazy...

Original poster
So2007 · 15/04/2017 23:18

Why would you need to live apart for a year whilst awaiting your visa?

Because my immigrant petition was filed when we were in our home country. I will have to come home while it is being processed. Of course he can come home with me and wait but that does not make sense financially. So he stays where we are now to continue working.

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Original poster
So2007 · 15/04/2017 23:19

What is your plan for your passion if you don't take the job & move?

Take another masters degree for two years to be more competitive and hope to break into the industry, which is at its infancy where we are.

OP posts:
Minnie747 · 15/04/2017 23:27

Do it! I'm half way through the four years and don't ever regret it!!

JanetBrown2015 · 16/04/2017 07:58

24/7 in home technological surveillance then plus phone and key logging tracking..... sorry, being worried that when couples live in different countries for at least a year (what happens if the immigrant visa is denied too?) people can stray.

NoSquirrels · 16/04/2017 08:03

I am a bit confused though - why will you be at home for a year to get your visa when you've got a job lined up already? Nothing sounds a done deal yet, just potential opportunities if you can get your ducks in a row?

Original poster
So2007 · 16/04/2017 08:18

I am a bit confused though - why will you be at home for a year to get your visa

Because once it's filed, it takes a year maximum for consular processing.

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Original poster
So2007 · 16/04/2017 08:21

people can stray

I'm not worried, he won't do this.

what happens if the immigrant visa is denied too?

I go back here. However, it was already approved many years ago, but there was retrogression so no visa number available.

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Original poster
So2007 · 16/04/2017 08:21

Do it! I'm half way through the four years and don't ever regret it!!

Thank you and happy for you! Yes, I will do it. :)

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NoSquirrels · 16/04/2017 08:27

So will your job lined up wait for the year it takes to get a visa? So it'll be a 5 year plan?

Will you need the visa eventually anyway, even if you don't move now, in order to progress in your career in future?

Original poster
So2007 · 16/04/2017 08:29

So will your job lined up wait for the year it takes to get a visa? So it'll be a 5 year plan?

Yes. And 4-year plan since I included the visa waiting time (1 year max) already.

Will you need the visa eventually anyway, even if you don't move now, in order to progress in your career in future?

Yes. That visa will open many doors for us.

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