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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this OK?

120 replies

Karanka · 14/04/2017 12:43

DW and I have been discussing holidays, and by 'discussing' I mean DW has said 'we are going on the holiday I want to go on'. It's a holiday we took three times before we had DCs, and which I liked progressively less each time.

I've said I don't want to go, and have suggested some alternatives, DW said today that it doesn't matter what I do or think, she and the DCs are going anyway.

AIBU to be annoyed by this?

OP posts:
PastysPrincess · 14/04/2017 12:44

YANBU.

honeysucklejasmine · 14/04/2017 12:44

Of course it's not ok.

highinthesky · 14/04/2017 12:45

It sounds like you have a clear choice: suck it up and go with your family or make your own, separate plans.

Ellisandra · 14/04/2017 12:48

Well, I'd like to hear both sides.
She might be a controlling cow.
Or she might be a woman who is left to do everything when on holiday with the kids and therefore wants it on her terms to mitigate that.

TheCakes · 14/04/2017 12:50

Depends on the context. If she desperately wants to go but there is another family holiday you can all enjoy too, or you just don't fancy a holiday, I think this is totally fine. But if it takes away from your family and your ability to have a nice holiday, YANBU.

Ellisandra · 14/04/2017 12:50

Of course, if she's making you go to Disneyland for the 4th... I'm on your side!

TwitterQueen1 · 14/04/2017 12:51

YANBU to be annoyed, but do you know WHY it's this particular holiday she is so desperate to go on? If you know her reasons then it would be easier for you to find something that satisfies both of you - plus the DC.

Ellisandra · 14/04/2017 12:51

Also - I have a friend who "insists" on Scotland every year. Her husband hates it. They both know that. They also both know that after uni it was her that left friends and family behind for his London job. So he thinks: fair's fair.

harderandharder2breathe · 14/04/2017 12:52

If you can only afford one holiday then no yanbu to want it to be one you can all enjoy

Penhacked · 14/04/2017 13:04

If it is somewhere like CP or camping, I get it. Does she want something child friendly and you want a city break or something?

Original poster
Karanka · 14/04/2017 13:08

It's a music festival. She went every year she was at university and is pretty obsessed with it. I went three times with her and varied between 'yeah, it's OK' to 'Jesus, this is a nightmare.'

OP posts:
greenworm · 14/04/2017 13:09

Sounds like she is being very unreasonable. Though I'd like to know both of your reasons for wanting/not wanting that holiday.

greenworm · 14/04/2017 13:11

Does it have to be your only/main holiday, or could she do that on her own and you do something else altogether?

LindyHemming · 14/04/2017 13:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ellisandra · 14/04/2017 13:12

That could easily come under "suck it up, it's important to her".

If it's a long weekend that she loves, and you have two other holidays a year.

If every spare penny goes into it, different matter. You're a bit sparse with your info!

Birdsgottaf1y · 14/04/2017 13:14

I think that it's unfair that she'd never get to take the children to something that she loves. That may be a memory that your children cherish in the future.

Could't she decide one year and you the next? That's if you cant afford two holidays because i think it's fine to holiday without your Partner.

Ellisandra · 14/04/2017 13:15

Just re-read - she's not even making you come!

She loves it enough to go 3x (during uni?) and 3x after taking you. Now as you have multiple kids, I guess she hasn't been able to go for a while?

Why wouldn't you want to enable something she cares about?

thatdearoctopus · 14/04/2017 13:16

A festival???
I'd rather chew my own arm off.
YANBU.

CassandraAusten · 14/04/2017 13:18

Is it a festival in the U.K.? Can you go on holiday as well or is this your only family holiday?

ghostyslovesheets · 14/04/2017 13:18

YANBU

BounceBounceSplishSplash · 14/04/2017 13:20

If she'll be paying it all herself, her and the DC can go on their own. If she's expecting you to pay some or all then YANBU and you should go somewhere that you both agree on.

witsender · 14/04/2017 13:20

Well sure, she can go with the kids. She isn't making you go is she?

limon · 14/04/2017 13:20

Yanbu.

TheCakes · 14/04/2017 13:22

A festival? No biggie. Let her go and take the kids, and book a nice holiday for the family, or a weekend break for the two of you.

TwitterQueen1 · 14/04/2017 13:22

As others have said, let her go on her own! You don't have to go with her. And if she's taking the DCs as well, you get to choose what you want to do whilst they're away. Win / win. What's the problem?