Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this OK?

120 replies

Karanka · 14/04/2017 12:43

DW and I have been discussing holidays, and by 'discussing' I mean DW has said 'we are going on the holiday I want to go on'. It's a holiday we took three times before we had DCs, and which I liked progressively less each time.

I've said I don't want to go, and have suggested some alternatives, DW said today that it doesn't matter what I do or think, she and the DCs are going anyway.

AIBU to be annoyed by this?

OP posts:
LadyPW · 14/04/2017 16:09

I was assuming same-sex couple... But it makes no difference.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/04/2017 16:17

OP, come back and tell us:

  1. Do the kids want to go?
  2. Is it your only holiday?
  3. Does she generally organise everything including the kids on holiday?
  4. Is it the stinky bog filled with shit that is Glasto?
  5. What's your alternative suggestion?
Ellisandra · 14/04/2017 16:20
  1. Has she always said she couldn't wait to take them, and dreamed of it to get her through the last few years of sleepless nights, struggling with the transition from carefree festival goer to mother? Wink
MrsTerryPratchett · 14/04/2017 16:25
  1. Who chose the last few holidays?
Grin
Original poster
Karanka · 14/04/2017 16:57
  1. Do the kids want to go? - they don't really know what it is. They're too young, but have seen it on TV and have had DW talking to them about it.
  1. Is it your only holiday? - yes, we don't have much money so it's this or nothing.
  1. Does she generally organise everything including the kids on holiday? - no, we don't go away often and when we do we manage things between us.
  1. Is it the stinky bog filled with shit that is Glasto? - no comment.
  1. What's your alternative suggestion? - see friends on a city break, Scottish islands, or Scandinavia (always wanted to see Copenhagen).
  1. Has she always said she couldn't wait to take them, and dreamed of it to get her through the last few years of sleepless nights, struggling with the transition from carefree festival goer to mother? - no, in fact the last time we went she guilted me into going by saying as we were getting married and would be having children it would be the last time she would have the chance, so I had to agree.
  1. Who chose the last few holidays? Split - one each.
OP posts:
GabsAlot · 14/04/2017 17:16

its not fair if its the only holiday u all get-she needs to comprmise

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/04/2017 17:18

I am erring on the side of YANBU then. Why does she think she gets the deciding vote?

Darbs76 · 14/04/2017 17:20

YANBU, if there's one family holiday one partner can't just say I'm deciding knowing you don't want to go. I'd tell her she's been selfish and you won't be going. Let her think on it, if she still goes then she's being incredibly selfish. I wouldn't go though

BarneyRumbleton · 14/04/2017 17:25

In light of the answer to question 6, SIBU.

Original poster
Karanka · 14/04/2017 17:28

My opinion may be a bit skewed - I've just been effectively forced to change jobs following a career change which went horribly wrong. My best friend has started a new life in another city, my dad is still getting over my mum dying, and I feel like I have no-one at all to talk to - I've tried to talk to DW about how low I have felt but it never goes well. With this, I feel like I have nothing to look forward to either

OP posts:
EatsShitAndLeaves · 14/04/2017 17:30

A colleague at work took their 2 under 5's to Glastonbury last year.

Camped in the family section.

Personally I thought they were mad - but hey ho....

Firstly they had to do 4 marathon treks from the car to the family campsite due to all the stuff they needed.

The trek from the family camp section to the stages took 40 mins. The kids were tired before they got to see anything as were the parents from carrying them most of the way.

Understandably the kids did not appreciate watching the bands. They got bored of the other parts of the festival after a few hours.

They left after 36 hours. The kids were bored and whinging after a night in a noisy tent with no sleep.

They left their tent there because they couldn't face hauling it back to the car along with the trips it had taken for everything else.

They said they had this slightly hippy vision of Glastonbury with kids but it was the worst idea ever. The "idea" that the family campsite made it more suitable was a joke. It just meant the air and toilets were permeated with a thick fug of shitty nappies. It wasn't quiet- it was full of crying, tired kids who couldn't sleep.

YANBU - it's a terrible idea for a holiday with young children.

GoodDayToYou · 14/04/2017 17:31

Why not just have separate holidays this year so you can both please yourselves child free?

Ellisandra · 14/04/2017 17:33

Well, you've chosen one each so it's not that uneven.

And it's clearly something she loves.

One Glastonbury ticket costs loads - why not let her go and you use your ticket money on an EasyJet flight and hostel in CPH? (hire a sit on kayak and paddle round - it's awesome from down in the water!)

Her guilting you last time is really unfair, but one person's guilting is another person's trying to persuade. At that point, maybe she did think it was her last chance?

I'm sorry for the shit storm in your life right now. I think focusing on the lack of support through that and how you improve that is more urgent than sorting out holidays.

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/04/2017 17:34

YANBU. Festivals cost a bloody fortune and I've loved all the ones I've been to. But it's easily the same as a week away in the sun and it won't be remotely fun marshalling small children.

Not sure what you do though, apart from say given that she's insisting she's going anyway, you get the budget you need for a weekend away in Copenhagen of wherever while they're at the festival and if the monies don't stretch to both events then she'll have to wait and you can plan for doing separate things next year. The major festivals aren't going anywhere and if it is Glasto has she got tickets yet? Sure they all sold out ages ago.

Ellisandra · 14/04/2017 17:35

Good point about child free time - I assumed she'd take them. But saving the cost of you and kids for Glastonbury will definitely leave you enough for a flight to CPH!

gameofchance · 14/04/2017 17:35

Scandinavia or the Scottish Islands both sound lovely IMO, Perhaps your dw has unrealistic expectations of what it will be like. My DS would hate it - he hates excessive noise.

Ellisandra · 14/04/2017 17:36

My friend took her 7yo to a festival (not Glasto) and her kid loved it. So don't totally dismiss the idea of kids at festivals. Depends on age and temperament.

gameofchance · 14/04/2017 17:37

I meant unrealistic expectations of what it will be like at music festival with kids. I can't think of anything more horrific myself and I do have kid under 5. Camping would be OK but somewhere with things for DS to do that he likes

gameofchance · 14/04/2017 17:39

I agree kids can like festivals - know a few friends who have been to Wickerman festival with kids - I will consider it when DS older. But it is v child friendly and not on same scale as Glasto

EatsShitAndLeaves · 14/04/2017 17:43

Btw I'm not dismissing kids a festivals - DH and I took ours to one.

However, it wasn't Glastonbury- it was a much smaller family friendly event with loads of things for the kids to do.

They were also 6 and 9 years old....

Frankly I think she's being selfish. If it's your only family holiday then it should be just that - a family holiday and Glastonbury is far from that.

If it rains it will be a an even bigger nightmare with small kids.

FetchezLaVache · 14/04/2017 17:53

Is she actually happy to go by herself with the kids?

I've just seen how much Glasto tickets cost - then I googled, and for those dates you can get a return flight from Stansted to Copenhagen for £46 and four nights in a youth hostel for £80.

You could totally have your own Scandinavian adventure for the cost of Glastonbury.

Batghee · 14/04/2017 17:56

If its going to be your only family holiday and you do not have the money to arrange another YANBU

If its something she could just go to herself and then you could all have another holiday together at a different time then YABU

thebakerwithboobs · 14/04/2017 17:59

OP, I think it depends on what she means by 'we will go without you.' My husband hates skiing, I love it. I pootle off for a week in the snow once a year (leaving him with the children Grin) and all is harmonious. He then has the odd weekend fishing I'd rather poke my own eyes out The big difference for us is that a) we genuinely don't mind the other going away and b) we do also go away together. Your wife sounds as though she has no respect for you whatsoever and if this is the case, the holiday is a symptom of something worse.

I'm sorry for the loss of your mum, also. That's a grief that is hard to quantify-be kind to yourself and if you really have nobody in RL to speak to, please do spend your Glastonbury ticket money on a counselling session. That sounds flippant written down, but it really isn't. Talking things through will help with your grief.

JaniceBattersby · 14/04/2017 18:05

God I hate the Glasto bores. I used to get it every year.

"If you go you'll love it."

"I won't"

"Everyone should experience it once. I guarantee you'll love it. How do you know you won't like it if you've never been?"

"Well I don't like tents, mud, rain, the cold, dirt, shitty toilets or most music, so I'm pretty sure I won't like it."

"Just try it."

And on, and on for years and years.

In the end I just banned the word Glastonbury from being uttered in my presence.

Don't go, OP. If she wants to go on her own with the kids then let her and I bet it will be awful

umberellaonesie · 14/04/2017 18:05

@gameofchance
No more Wickerman 😟
It was very kid friendly, tiny festival compared to Glastonbury and compact site.
Shame it isn't happening again