Is this OK?

[Karanka]

DW and I have been discussing holidays, and by 'discussing' I mean DW has said 'we are going on the holiday I want to go on'. It's a holiday we took three times before we had DCs, and which I liked progressively less each time.

I've said I don't want to go, and have suggested some alternatives, DW said today that it doesn't matter what I do or think, she and the DCs are going anyway.

AIBU to be annoyed by this?

[ZilphasHatpin]

So you get a week free of all childcare responsibilities and an equivalent amount of money to spend as you please? Sounds like a win to me.

[abcBears]

It's mumsnet, so at best people will find excuses for the wife. Name change, ask the question from a female perspective, and you will see totally different replies.

YANBU, how long is it for, and is she paying it all by herself? Can you afford a different holiday that you would enjoy at least?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Her going on her own and having to herd the kids at a big festival (assuming Glasto? That does seem to create obsessives) and having no back up so she can have some time alone may focus her mind a bit. So wave her off and book yourself a weekend somewhere that you fancy.

[AliceKlar]

YANBU. But is this as well as, or instead of, another holiday this year?

DB loves walking but at a pretty extreme level - lots of scrambling, hours and hours walking. SIL doesn't like walking at this sort of level. Their compromise is DB goes on his week's walking hol and then they go together somewhere they both like. It depends on budget obviously tho. But SIL has accepted the walking trip is v important to DB.

[LagunaBubbles]

It's mumsnet, so at best people will find excuses for the wife. Name change, ask the question from a female perspective, and you will see totally different replies

Oh yes, some people always will, and they are assuming the OP is a man to!

[grumpysquash3]

Well if she and the DC would go anyway, just let them. You can stay at home and have a quiet weekend :)

[FetchezLaVache]

YANBU not to want to go - not everybody's cup of tea and I, like a PP, would rather chew my own arm off. But YWBU to stand in her way of going, as it sounds very important to her.

Can you manage a holiday you will all enjoy as well, or is it this or nothing?

[Ahickiefromkinickie]

DH and I take turns deciding holiday destinations.

This is a major red flag. Is she controlling in other ways?

[UppityHumpty]

YANBU. If you hate it, and don't want to go, she should just suck it up and go by herself.

[KitKats28]

Well if she doesn't care what you think, then I guess there's not much you can do. If you don't want to go though, don't. It's pointless paying to not enjoy it. Does she usually just do what she wants or do you normally discuss things?

Is she spending family money or has she saved up for it separately? Is there going to be enough money for you to go on your own holiday? Do the children actually want to go? (If its Glastonbury, its great for little ones in the nice weather, it sucks for kids in the rain though).

My husband has taken our son away camping every year to a car event that my daughter and I have no interest in. I used to go to London for a few days with my Mum twice a year. We've always gone away separately, but that's fine because it's mutually beneficial. Also, we don't have family money, so we save up for it ourselves.

Her going away with the kids isn't unreasonable. Her being a control freak is.

[scottishdiem]

if you are talking about 2 women, then surely the kids will spend some holidays with their father too, won't they

Or it might be a married same sex couple who have adopted or gone through IVF.

Anyway.

Dont go and take the kids elsewhere. Or let her take the kids there on her own. And then you take the kids with you somewhere you like.

Or just tell her no. You are not doing it. That you are a valid part of the marriage and that your input, ideas and vacation aspirations are just as valid as hers. She is being selfish and controlling by not even considering you and your wants.

[witsender]

Regardless of genders, if something is very important to one party and there is enough money to not put the rest of the family at a disadvantage then what is the issue with one going on their own?

If the OP comes back and says there is 1 lot of money for a holiday and all of it would be needed for the festival then of course that is a different matter.

[happypoobum]

YANBU - just say you aren't going and plan to do something else that week.

[floraeasy]

Should be a joint decision.

You need to find out why your DW is so fixated on this one destination. Can you find another place you'd like just as much that would accommodate the plusses your wife likes about this place she wants to go to?

[gameofchance]

I think YANBU. Being together means coming to an agreement and compromising. there must be somewhere you would both like to go. Are yr DC old enough to have an opinion. I would hate to be married to someone who appears so unreasonable and selfish

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

She is being selfish, let her get on with it.
Could you take a nice golf break, if you're so inclined.
If there is something, that you've always wanted to do, now is your golden opportunity ! 😄
Make sure you don't stay at home, mowing the lawn, or decorating !

[Ellisandra]

To the PP saying people assume the OP is a man - I've re-read, and I can't see anyone doing that - except the person saying it would be different answers to a woman, maybe?

The different answers if a woman thing is quite tired.

No - the reason people are trying to look for other interpretations is because this is AIBU and because life isn't black and white, and because the OP has been pretty sparing with the details.

[Cornettoninja]

I can't decide whose bu, it completely depends on whether or not this is the only opportunity for a family holiday due to finances, annual leave restrictions etc.

If there is one opportunity this year for you all to go away together then I think she is been UR, when holidays are a scarce commodity it's important that everybody gets an element of enjoyment out of it. I'm with you and a music festival just wouldn't do it for me at all. I'd find it quite stressful and tiring without kids never mind with them. That's not to say I wouldn't enjoy parts, but I'd resent losing my only chance for an actual holiday.

If there's other chances to go away then let her crack on and enjoy the space while they're gone.

[ForTheSakeOfFuck]

Hnh. I think the only way to resolve this would be to ask why she's so dead-set on that destination, with or without you. Without that extra context there's no way to really figure out if SBU or not. If it counterbalances other sacrifices she makes, then I can totally see her viewpoint. If the sacrifices are always yours, then that's not fair.

As with so many of these threads, I think you're going to have to ask her. In the nicest possible way, AIBU has plenty of magical properties, but reading the mind of your DW for you isn't one of them.

[Laiste]

Man or woman posting - the main question is is this the only family holiday, and it's using agreed joint finances?

If the answer to this is yes, then YANBU

If it's all her own money she's using and none of 'yours' then it is her decision to spend her money how she likes.

[GabsAlot]

lets say it is two women
is it fari still that one demand something and says theyr taking their kids away wehther the other person likes it or not?

what sort of partneship is that-i wouldnt go somewhere i dint like but my dh wouldnt demand it either

what if the partner would actually like to holiday with their dc's aswell

[Ellisandra]

It comes down to whatever the reason is that this couple can't just talk it out successfully.
In a good relationship that might go:

• I want to the kids to kids to Festival
  
• nooooooo! I tried to like it, you know I did but... oh I just don't like it
  
• I know, I love that you tried
  
• what about going without me?
  
• but then you miss out on the holiday
  
• yeah, but you love it, the kids will too
  
• I'm so tempted, but it's not fair... tell you what, how about we do xyz to cut the cost of it, and save money on abc this year then you and I have a night away in the autumn - I'll get my mum to have the kids?
  
• THIS IS WHY I LOVE YOU!!!

[arethereanyleftatall]

Depends entirely on how many holidays you go on a year. If it's 10, then it's fine.

[LadyPW]

I think that it's unfair that she'd never get to take the children to something that she loves. That may be a memory that your children cherish in the future.
Isn't it equally unfair that OP doesn't get to pick a different holiday for kids to make cherished memories with? Why does DW get to insist? (Unless OP has picked all holidays since having kids)