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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this OK?

120 replies

Karanka · 14/04/2017 12:43

DW and I have been discussing holidays, and by 'discussing' I mean DW has said 'we are going on the holiday I want to go on'. It's a holiday we took three times before we had DCs, and which I liked progressively less each time.

I've said I don't want to go, and have suggested some alternatives, DW said today that it doesn't matter what I do or think, she and the DCs are going anyway.

AIBU to be annoyed by this?

OP posts:

FernCurl · 15/04/2017 19:44

Could she not just go with her friends whilst you stay at home with the kids (surely she'll enjoy it more that way anyway), and then you as a family go on another holiday together? I love a festival but my partner would have a breakdown at one and I would never insist he go with me when I know he wouldn't enjoy it.

In short, no YANBU. As a family and indeed as adults in a group you have to try and do things which everyone will enjoy. But first you need to voice your feelings. Try to do it in a non-emotive way. If she feels strongly about going, then would that be feasible from a financial POV?

sandelf · 15/04/2017 19:47

Tells her you are happy for them to go. And that you will do something different on your own (you need to have a specific thing in mind, which you really would enjoy). Just say this - calmly and reasonably - and leave her to think about it. You have already told her you don't want the holiday she is insisting on. It would be better for you all to have a lovely holiday even if it is apart.

RandomMess · 15/04/2017 19:48

DW goes without the kids and then you get a weekend away without the DC too.

Win win all around and money saved!

Mildred007 · 15/04/2017 20:03

YANBU.

I love a festival but with a 3 and 5 yr old - not my idea of a holiday, no way!

I hope you come to some kind of resolution OP. Please don't back down and go along with it.

Notapedant · 15/04/2017 20:07

I would suggest a week in Dorset including the family friendly festival at Lulworth as a compromise. Beaches, loads to do for children and the festival is well set up for families xx

BowiesJumper · 15/04/2017 20:26

I LOVE Glastonbury and have been many many times but I wouldn't take my kids until they're at least 12/13. I know there's lots for kids there with the circus and kids fields and bits in the green fields but the walking alone does you in. No thanks!

honeylulu · 15/04/2017 20:31

I would normally say SIBU to make am unequivocal decision about finances/ holidays BUT
I'd be in heaven if my OH took the children away for a few days leaving me at home!!! I have had one night away from my youngest (almost 3) since she was born.
We've done Camp Bestival and similar with children and it was challenging to say the least including vomit in the tent, exploding nappies etc. I'd rather have pulled out my own eyes than have done it alone.

BounceBounceSplishSplash · 15/04/2017 20:32

Surely if your wife has been to Glastonbury before she should know it would be a fecking disaster with kids so young?

pollymere · 15/04/2017 20:44

I'm quite the organiser but I'd quickly pick up the vibe my dh hated going there. Have you told her it's just not your thing? If she's desperate to go, could you go somewhere lovely with the kids and enjoy some time together whilst she relives her youth? Take them camping or something, it doesn't have to cost a lot and it might make her realise her priorities are wrong.

car5ys · 15/04/2017 21:29

Personally if it was my Oh and he wanted to take the kids to a festival I'd wave him (and them off) and book myself a week somewhere sunny. A festival is not a "holiday" imo.

MrsC45 · 15/04/2017 23:28

She IBVU. Sounds like you've had a very hard time lately and that you need a chilled out holiday. I wouldn't dream of taking young children to a massive festival like glastonbury and would have a fit if my DH said he was taking them. I would have thought it would be an absolutely miserable experience for them. This is very selfish at a time when it sounds like you could do with coming first. Take the money from your ticket and go somewhere peacefull with the kids.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 15/04/2017 23:34

Wave them off to have a lovely time and get on with the house in peace. I'd LOVE it if my DH would do this! I have to badger him to get anything done at home and it pisses me off, you are willing to do it!

A festival sounds like my idea of total hell. If DH wanted to go, I'd say have fun and stay home. Actually if it was our only break, I'd expect him to not go and go somewhere we can both agree to.

jay55 · 15/04/2017 23:40

I'm just thinking of the nightmare of a kid needing the loo in the night. She's mad to contemplate taking them alone.

MrsC45 · 15/04/2017 23:50

^^ she is mad! And as much as a week /weekend of peace sounds like total heaven, there really is no way I'd let my DCS go to a festival, not at 3 and 5. It's not fair on them, and its not fair that their only chance of a holiday this year is being wasted on a mud/noise/poo filled hell just so your DW can reminse on her pre DC days! This is utterly selfish. Show her thread and ask her to think on things.

haveacupoftea · 16/04/2017 01:01

Sounds shit. Let her go on her own. You and the kids can go somewhere nice and relaxing.

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 16/04/2017 03:58

she's being massively unreasonable and selfish - the kids are not old enough to enjoy it. This is a holiday just for her.

Disgusting that she's using the kids as an excuse.

I suggest you take some money out of the family holiday pot and go see your friends.

I don't she has a clue what it will be like managing young kids at a festival - she's probably using the 'you don't have to come' excuse so you will feel guilty/left out and will join her......and then have full responsibility of the kids whilst she enjoys her 'last time' at the festival.

if this is her attitude right now - that it's her way or the highway (and coupled with the lack of emotional support), that she has veto over the kids and family money....i'd be re-thinking whether this is a marriage you want to be in.

Lovelymess · 16/04/2017 09:02

YANBU - tell her to go by herself or friends this year

ohidoliketobebesidethecoast · 16/04/2017 09:53

Does she she have any reason to think the kids will enjoy this? When I've Bern to festivals, it seems largely for the parents, and the kids are OK, but unless they share her musical interests, they may be hard work!
I'd be inclined to avoid going with her, because:
I) you'd likely end up running a creche while she goes listen to bands
ii) if they don't like it, and you're there she may blame you for not getting into the spirit, and ruining everything.
I think she needs to grasp for herself, that not everyone loves festivals, its not you being difficult, and not everything is great with kids.
I guess the only other factor is whether she'll look after them OK and keep them safe on her own - will she leave listening to a band with on to take them on a 10 min walk to the loo (may have to take them if they're little and can't be left...). Or will she feel its HER holiday, she wants to hear the band, and send them off on their own? Apologies if she's an excellent and capable mum - she just sounds a bit uncompromising about having her own way...

ohidoliketobebesidethecoast · 16/04/2017 09:54

'been to festivals', where did Been come from??

manicmij · 16/04/2017 20:11

Of course YNBU. How would DW feel if you were being so dictatorial about your choice? If you can afford to go on a trip by yourself otherwise refuse to contribute any funds to cost of choice of DW.

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