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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming at this restaurant?

778 replies

Ginge85 · 12/04/2017 15:40

I recently went to a restaurant with my best friend and DS who is 14 months old for lunch. We'd never been before. When I asked for a highchair for DS they promptly brought us one and I'd never ever thought this restaurant would be not a child friendly place.
My friend and I ordered drinks and our food and shortly afterwards I started to feed DS a smallish pot of pasta I'd made and brought with us. There was nothing really on the menu I would've ordered for him, and anything I could've done he would've barely eaten any and would've been a waste of money. I was then therefore extremely baffled and shocked when the waitor came over and awkwardly told us that any food that wasn't bought in the restaurant couldn't be consumed there Confused. He was talking about DS's pasta. I could understand if we as adults had brought our own food and we're eating it but for a baby?! Our bill would've come to around £35 with what we'd ordered also. He was very persistent with this and in the end we walked out before our food had come (we didn't pay for our drinks- but hadn't drank from that as yet). I'm baffled and fuming! Any other time I've been out for lunch every other restaurant has never ever said anything, and have been more than happy to get me a bowl of hot water to warm it up if needed. AIBU?

OP posts:
IvyLeagueUnderTheSea · 12/04/2017 16:18

But the op didn't need to order her child a meal. She could either give them something from her plate or given them something after.

TinfoilHattie · 12/04/2017 16:18

This is crazy behaviour on behalf of the OP. You cannot take your own food into restaurants - even for a child - because it's not socially acceptable to do so. Very unreasonable to flounce out, even more so to be "fuming" about it.

You eiyther feed child from your own plate, or choose somewhere that does a child's menu, or buy something like a side of garlic bread and some salad.

Floggingmolly · 12/04/2017 16:18

It certainly applies to pasta which is identical to that on the menu, Muncheys. I don't think bringing your own home made pasta can be compared with breast feeding!!

Sparklingbrook · 12/04/2017 16:20

YABU. I agree with the restaurant as the baby is 14 months. I would have just given them some of mine if they didn't eat much.

Dishwashersaurous · 12/04/2017 16:20

But munchy she was feeding a pot of pasta, not puree food. Every has said puree is ok

Funnyface1 · 12/04/2017 16:20

At 14 months i wouldn't have ordered from an adult menu. But I know that whilst most establishments here are fine with you bringing food for babies and toddlers, not all of them are. I would have left rather than not feed my child but i would have paid for drinks that had been served to me.

SuziePink · 12/04/2017 16:22

If they had a policy it should have been made clear to you, but he could have been polite about it. I think if I were running a cafe I couldn't be bothered to say anything or I'd offer to provide some plain pasta or something for free because these are two paying guests who will probably return if I'm nice to them. Obviously he hasn't just lost the £35 but also your and any local friends' custom! Silly, all for the sake of a few quid.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 12/04/2017 16:23

He was very persistent with this and in the end we walked out before our food had come (we didn't pay for our drinks- but hadn't drank from that as yet). I'm baffled and fuming!

When did you start giving DS the pasta. It sounds like you ordered drinks. Food. Then whipped out the pasta. He told you no food you hadn't bought there presumably. Then you left without paying for the drinks because you were fuming.

To be honest. Fuming about it does sound like an overreaction. Did they seriously not have any pasta alternatives on their menu? Confused
I have a DD who suffered with really bad acid reflux as a younger child and a DS who's Lactose Intolerant. I've never found it too much of a problem finding them both suitable foods when we've dined out.

Usually it is a general rule of thumb you dont bring your own food into food establishments. Baby's bottle/puree fine. Homemade pasta? Sorry YABU.

JustSpeakSense · 12/04/2017 16:24

It's acceptable to bring puréed baby food in, or bf or bottle feed a baby in a restaurant, however at 1yr 2 months old, your DC is not a baby and old enough to eat off the menu, so bringing in a packed lunch in not acceptable.

moggle · 12/04/2017 16:25

I'm sure they would've made you some plain pasta if you'd asked first. And if not, then a piece of toast, or some bits of cheese. And if they couldn't do anything your DC would like, then I think they would accept that he could eat the food you've bought. it sounds like the waiter didn't handle it well but equally it sounds like you were perhaps a bit forthright in assuming it would be OK without asking.

I think under 12m it's OK to bring food along (though i still think it'd be better to just give them some off your plate). It really galled me to have to buy a 'children's meal' when DD was under two, if I wanted a nice meal that she wouldn't want to share with me. She'd be presented with a plate of food enough for an 8 year old and she'd eat a couple of nuggets and a handful of chips. £7 usually round here, what a waste of money. But I'd just suck it up, or go to one of the few chains that seem to understand the difference between a child and a toddler - Zizzis is one I think where you can get a small bowl of pasta with a plain tomato sauce for just a couple of quid, and lots of places would be OK if I asked for a half childs portion (and would just charge half).

honestly it sounds like you had a bad experience, don't go there again and perhaps be a little more polite next time and ask first, don't just assume it will be OK.

Original poster
Ginge85 · 12/04/2017 16:25

I think it does come down to experience. This had never ever been my experience before hence my shock. I eat out quite a lot and have worked in several restaurants of various different types and clientele in my younger days.
I know that going somewhere and ordering a drink and then pulling out a full on picnic wouldn't be allowed at all, and would be very U. But when ordering a full meal for two adults, to give a small child something you already have with you. Sorry I don't see the problem, but this is obviously because it's never ever been a problem before. As a customer or as a person working in a restaurant. I was completely unaware that when ordering a full on meal feeding a baby something wouldn't be okay. DS is 14 minths but he was slightly prem and looks 9 or 10 months, and is very fussy. I had the pasta in my bag for wherever we ate (whether that be a restaurant or in the park), we chose spontaneously to eat there. I won't be eating there again and will always be checking to see if it's okay in future.

OP posts:
MyPerfectCousin · 12/04/2017 16:26

At the same age, I used to take mine pretty much everywhere and they would eat the same as me. I used to ask for a separate side plate and feed them from mine.

I was told once when one of mine was weaning and did take a tiny pot of something pureed, that they didn't allow outside food to be brought in for babies as a health and safety thing.

But at 14 months, I wouldn't have considered taking food in for them. And they wouldn't have been impressed either!

RhodaBorrocks · 12/04/2017 16:28

YABU OP. At that age you either don't order for them and let them eat something from your plate or you get something small and suitable.

We took DS to plenty of places at that age and we used to ask for an extra side plate and if it would be ok that he would have a little off our plates. No one ever had an issue with it and DS got to try new foods. He was happy enough with a taste of everything and then finished off with a bread roll.

It's not just about the food, it's actually also about getting them used to cafe/restaurant etiquette - ordering, eating nicely etc. DS is 10 now and loves nothing more than a meal out.

LucyFuckingPevensie · 12/04/2017 16:28

Honestly, this isnt as massive deal as some people are making it out to be. I Grin at pathetically unreasonable. It is just so extra.

I don't think you're insanely taking the piss by taking a small pot of food for a Barbie to a restaurant, it just seems like a storm in a teacup.

user1483387154 · 12/04/2017 16:30

YABU at 14 months and eating solids you should have given him some of your meal or ordered a small portion for him.
Leaving the restaurant without paying for the drinks was also extremely rude.

MegMez · 12/04/2017 16:30

"Child friendly" and having a high chair doesn't mean they're cool with you bringing your own food. What sort of place was it that didn't do bread or soup or pasta or heck, any food that a 14 month old would eat? Different for a 6 month old if you're doing purees or whatever but not for a one year old. YABU.

Floggingmolly · 12/04/2017 16:30

Why is your child looking younger than his actual age at all relevant, op, when you were feeding him pasta? Confused. It was the home made pasta that was the issue, not whether your child was 9 months or 9 years

domesticgoddesshaha · 12/04/2017 16:31

I wouldn't order off the kids menu for my DD who is 14 months.

  1. she eats like a bird and 80% would be wasted 2)she still only has 3 teeth and hates gumming anything crunchy or things like meat that need a fair bit of chewing.

I think it's a bit harsh of the restaurant, but I would check when booking if I could take a few bits for DD.

Floggingmolly · 12/04/2017 16:31

A Barbie sized portion might have passed unnoticed, lucky Grin

Mulberry72 · 12/04/2017 16:32

YABU OP, definitely.

Wolfiefan · 12/04/2017 16:32

You choose places to eat where you know your fussy child will eat something.
Or picnic.
It's not unusual for establishments to object to people brining food in with them.

FeralBeryl · 12/04/2017 16:32

What you need to remember is - it's. or just about you.
You seem to think it's perfectly reasonable to open your small pot of pasta, the next parent to come along may well think a greggs sausage roll for her 3 kids is equally fine. It's not.

I have done what you did, but far more surreptitiously.
Waited until our food came, gave DC breadsticks and any other bits off my plate and also fed them from a pot. There are ways of getting round it but in this instance I feel YABU.

One of mine has sensory issues - we are very limited as to where we can go out to eat as not many places offer his staples.
I'd love to get round it by taking his own plain concoctions but I know this wouldn't be ok, so we don't.

Questioningeverything · 12/04/2017 16:33

So what did this place serve?
Prezzo- pizza or pasta
Cafe (all day breakfast type) - chips, toast
Cafe (costa type) - sandwiches panini etc
Pizza Hut (or similar) - pasta, pizza, salad...

So what are we talking?

Original poster
Ginge85 · 12/04/2017 16:33

My point is that whilst some people's DC at this age where eating all sorts, my DS isn't quite as advanced in this area, and seems a lot younger and smaller in this respect. So ordering off a menu isn't always suitable. So I always bring something with me.

OP posts:
Funnyfarmer · 12/04/2017 16:33

I wouldn't bring my own food for dc's to a restaurant even if they was baby. It's just not the done thing. But if I owned a restaurant I wouldn't ask a paying customer to leave for bringing there own toddler food. I probably whinge about them in the kitchen but wouldn't ask them to leave unless I had people waiting for tables. I probably would then.

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