To be fuming at this restaurant?

[Ginge85]

I recently went to a restaurant with my best friend and DS who is 14 months old for lunch. We'd never been before. When I asked for a highchair for DS they promptly brought us one and I'd never ever thought this restaurant would be not a child friendly place.
My friend and I ordered drinks and our food and shortly afterwards I started to feed DS a smallish pot of pasta I'd made and brought with us. There was nothing really on the menu I would've ordered for him, and anything I could've done he would've barely eaten any and would've been a waste of money. I was then therefore extremely baffled and shocked when the waitor came over and awkwardly told us that any food that wasn't bought in the restaurant couldn't be consumed there . He was talking about DS's pasta. I could understand if we as adults had brought our own food and we're eating it but for a baby?! Our bill would've come to around £35 with what we'd ordered also. He was very persistent with this and in the end we walked out before our food had come (we didn't pay for our drinks- but hadn't drank from that as yet). I'm baffled and fuming! Any other time I've been out for lunch every other restaurant has never ever said anything, and have been more than happy to get me a bowl of hot water to warm it up if needed. AIBU?

You are not allowed to eat food in a restaurant that has not been prepared by them. I think it's a Health and Safety ruling and not the restaurants merely being awkward. Some turn a blind eye to baby food. Most are happy to prepare something for a baby or child to eat though. At 14 months, I'd expect a child to be eating a version of the same as I fed myself or bits from my own order.

It's a bit mean spirited of them.

I'm pretty sure I've never been charged any more than £1 for a baby bowl but the vast majority of the time I've not been charged anything.

You just ask "hi anything easy to eat baby friendly and low salt"?

I don't think yabu to feed a little pot of homemade food to a toddler in a restaurant. I can't believe a restaurant would have such strict rules against this. An older child, yes, but not a toddler in a high chair. I would have been fuming too.

Polymere dd was neither toddling or eating at 14 months she was ebf. Would you throw a bf mother out of a restaurant because their child is not consuming food bought from the premises

You are not allowed to eat food in a restaurant that has not been prepared by them. I think it's a Health and Safety ruling and not the restaurants merely being awkward.
Utter rubbish!
What on earth are the H&S issues? Do you have a link to them?
It is entirely down to the restaurants being awkward - and spectacularly stupid.

You're becoming tedious on the breastfeeding theme, oliver. It has no relevance to a bring your own food from home situation.

I think a jar of puree for a baby is one thing but by toddler age, they can eat some of what you are eating. If you want to feed a young child food from home you should ask if it is okay when booking.

YABU.

If you want special arrangements, you phone ahead to check. Bit presumptuous to assume they will be fine with you taking your own food.

@Oliversmumsarmy - I have already answered your point about breastfeeding - clearly you have chosen to ignore that. As @Floggingmolly says, it is completely irrelevant, because no restaurant or cafe could provide the equivalent of the mother's breastmilk - unless they had a supply of expressed milk or a wet nurse available, which is just not going to happen!

Plus, the right of a mother to breastfeed in a public place is protected by law, so the cafe would not have a leg to stand on.

Maybe I was just ignoring your dissent, because everyone else was ok with it. I'm guessing you just wanted to argue for the sake of it 🙄.

Then you guess wrong, KitKats28. If you are posting stuff that is self-evidently factually wrong, then I am going to challenge it.

I think a jar of puree for a baby is one thing but by toddler age, they can eat some of what you are eating.
Define "toddler age"
What if the child can't eat some of what you're eating? It might not be suitable for them.
If the child did eat some of what you're eating, then you're not paying any extra for the child anyway!
Would it be ok to feed a toddler a bottle of formula in a restaurant?

Yabu. We stopped doing this once dd was a year old, she just eats off the kids menu and anything she doesn't finish I ask to take home with me. The way I see it, if she's going to take up a seat in their restaurant then she best buy something!

The only exception is that I will have a bag of snacks with me, just in case they take a long time with the order. Never been challenged on it, would probably challenge back if they did considering it's a service issue. I do wish restaurants would provide a menu for smaller children though, as paying upto a fiver for a meal she can only eat a third of always makes me a bit grumpy. It's the cost of a nice time out I suppose.

Archery If you have a problem with anything I say in my posts feel free to report rather than telling me what I can't say.

Ginge hide the thread and let all the hyperventilating pearl clutchers shout into a void!

You are not allowed to eat food in a restaurant that has not been prepared by them. I think it's a Health and Safety ruling and not the restaurants merely being awkward
Lol i have never heard of this in anywhere i have worked

What if the child can't eat some of what you're eating? It might not be suitable for them.

I used to either eat something that was suitable or order something from the children's menu.

*If the child did eat some of what you're eating, then you're not paying any extra for the child anyway!

That is true and I would always ask if I could do this first rather than just assume.

Would it be ok to feed a toddler a bottle of formula in a restaurant?

If the restaurant said that it was, then yes. They're unlikely to say no as it's something they can't provide.

It's funny, this thread has made me think back with nostalgia horror at the times I've eaten out with DS, and forgotten to bring him anything to get him through the initial waiting period.

• arrive; sit; wait for menus; happy chichat
• DS gazes around curiously; gets a few nice smiles
• wait a bit longer for menu; happy chitchat
• DS starts to get a bit fed up; the first clouds gather on the horizon
• try to find suitable tableware for DS to play with; slightly more strained chitchat; menus finally arrive
• DS pings saltshaker across restaurant
• order in haste; ask them to bring DS's food first; try to distractedly carry on more chitchat whilst blanking judgypants stares
• DS starts to grumble and complain; wants down wants chips; wants biscuit; wants CBeebies
• wonder whether to ask for a slice of bread; try more distracting tablewear
• DS pings peppershaker across restaurant
• pray food arrives soon; shhh can't chitchat now, too busy staring intently at kitchen door, willing them to cook faster
• DS starts to shriek and wail
• actually cheer out loud when DS's plate appears but OH GOD KILL ME NOW the food is hotter than the arsehole of a dying star
• DS is screaming and thrashing about; wants his dinner; doesn't understand the delay
• try to cool food down using every method known to mankind; temperature impervious even to neat liquid nitrogen; pray for deliverance
• DS howling in tongues; grabs at plate as though starved; rips bib off; snot and tears in full flow
• finally get one thing cooled and shove it in his face; eighteen seconds of respite; as our food starts to arrive I physically shield my face from surrounding scowls and mutters
• DS is finally happy and quiet... for now
• spend next ten minutes primarily hyperventilating over DS's food whilst trying to snatch mouthfuls of my own meal
• DS, now nearly full, is starting to lose interest in food
• have barely started my meal; see that I have minutes to shovel it down before hysterics resume; give my mouth third degree burns in haste; taste nothing; all chitchat longsince dead; nothing now but grim survival and escape
• DS, fully-fuelled, turns back into a tiny screaming hooligan
• haven't yet finished but drag waiter over regardless; beg for bill; request is practically drowned out by tuts, sighs, and eyerolls
• DS tries to thrash his screaming body out of the chair in a bid for freedom
• shove money at waiter; don't wait for change; snatch up DS; run from premises forgetting half our possessions; remember bags; figure we'd rather just lose them than face the humiliation of going back in; stagger weakly back to car
• DS cheerily babbles to us from his carseat; falls asleep with a happy full tummy and blissful smile on his face
• weep into steering wheel on way home; swear to never eat out again

I'm not sure if anyone else's toddler's are like this, but this is why for us, a little pot of pasta or some little picky snacks for him to focus on as soon as we're settled can make the difference between a nice dining experience, or an absolute horror-show for us and everyone around us.

Of course it is more appropriate to feed the child from your meal than bring your own - even if it is financially neutral to the restaurant. It is about manners and behaviour as well as them making money. It is perfectly fine to go for a meal and not have dessert, it is not okay to rock up with your own trifle.

My son is a very fussy nearly 2 yo and I admit to taking bits for him in case he won't eat anything on offer. Never has it been an issue.

@ForTheSakeofFuck - that is the main reason I would never frequent an establishment that would not permit distraction of the hangry beast that a toddler in a high chair without food NOW inevitably becomes...

To be fair I don't worry about Chinese, Indian or Italian as they generally have quick options (prawn crackers, poppadoms and breadsticks are life savers!)

Think both parties were unreasonable to be honest.
You should have asked, you were unreasonable not to and to have just assumed. No where has to serve anyone, and can have whatever service rules work for them, you're not entitled to be served anywhere, and you're not entitled to expect the rules to be changed because it doesn't suit you. That said I take your earlier points about never having had a problem before and you intend to ask in future - good call IMO OP.
The waiter was also U, not for sticking to the policies stated by the owner/manager but for being rude. There are ways of pointing out things to customers and IMO the way you described isn't one of them.

When seating ppl with young children I explain that we are happy to provide some warm water to heat up baby puree, however other than that we respectfully ask you not to bring any other food out. Id at that point ask if there are any dietry requirements, I'd follow that up with asking for a drinks order, and if the little one would like some bread/carrot sticks/whatever works for you until the order is placed and cooked. Found this quite effective and I think it offers good customer service and relations, you've acknowledged the child, and the fact that children don't tend to understand waiting, and offered to help how you can. It also makes it clear no home food please! Should you question me or say you have your own food/snacks I'd politely point out that unless it's because we cannot provide for a dietary requirement already stated, then please do not, because I have offered an alternative. No it's not always about the money, it's about manners I think and the fact you don't take your own food into a restaurant without asking first and a good reason.

I and DH had once seen a family of 4 in a restaurant where only the parents had ordered meals this restaurant's while their (pre-teens?) 2 children were eating chicken burgers from a take away!!

We would always try to order a meal for our small children even chips or bits of bread with whatever we ordered but I can't find anything wrong with a 14 month old eating food brought from home if that's what they would eat. Some children are fussy. And £35 pounds is a lot

YABVU and actually you were the one being rude and quite arrogant...

You don't take food INTO a restaurant...!! That is very rude...if he child is too young to order something, which at 14 months the child was old enough to have ordered a child's portion, you give them something from your plate. I assume you were you trying to save money on the toddlers meal as I cannot believe that anyone would really think that is acceptable.

Apart from the food hygiene implications for them...why should you think it's OK to take a high chair that another paying child could have had?

And to my pay for drinks...

Entitled.

I don't think it's arrogant or rude. It's not unusual for babies to be given food brought by parents. I have done this with all three of my kids and no one has ever complained, made a fuss or even pointed out to me. I think if the waiter had handled it better then it probably would have ended quite differently. What if it had been a bottle of formula, technically that falls under the consuming food or drink, just how far should they take it? They've gained nothing by what happened and lost two potential customers, and most likely their family and friends as well. It was short sighted and silly of the restaurant, there were loads of better ways to handle it.