To be fuming at this restaurant?

[Ginge85]

I recently went to a restaurant with my best friend and DS who is 14 months old for lunch. We'd never been before. When I asked for a highchair for DS they promptly brought us one and I'd never ever thought this restaurant would be not a child friendly place.
My friend and I ordered drinks and our food and shortly afterwards I started to feed DS a smallish pot of pasta I'd made and brought with us. There was nothing really on the menu I would've ordered for him, and anything I could've done he would've barely eaten any and would've been a waste of money. I was then therefore extremely baffled and shocked when the waitor came over and awkwardly told us that any food that wasn't bought in the restaurant couldn't be consumed there . He was talking about DS's pasta. I could understand if we as adults had brought our own food and we're eating it but for a baby?! Our bill would've come to around £35 with what we'd ordered also. He was very persistent with this and in the end we walked out before our food had come (we didn't pay for our drinks- but hadn't drank from that as yet). I'm baffled and fuming! Any other time I've been out for lunch every other restaurant has never ever said anything, and have been more than happy to get me a bowl of hot water to warm it up if needed. AIBU?

Nope not joking.

It is also definitely not unusual to see around here. Not sure if there are regional variations?

We spend £10-15 on adult food/drinks. Typically we might bring a sandwich and veg/fruit and buy the older two a biscuit or bring fruit and buy them a sandwich say.

We eat out a lot with our 20 month old. Even now I always have some little snacks in case there's nothing suitable on the menu or to keep her going until the food arrives. I have never encountered a problem anywhere we've gone. I'm quite surprised at the number of people saying they never do this.

You bring a sandwich and veg/ fruit, but will give a nod to the fact that you're in a restaurant by buying a biscuit?
This is a windup. Not a particularly inspired one, either

Okay ladies. With the greatest of respect I think it's time you all found something better to do now. I've addressed it, I've held my hands up, I've got what I wanted from this thread ultimately and I'm going to bed. You all clearly get some sort of kick out of aggravating posters and it's a bit embarrassing Now tbh.

Again thanks for all of the sensible, rational posts that actually make sense. Whether they be agreeing or disagreeing with me!

When I say ladies I mean the ones over analysing my earlier posts btw! There's been a few whilst writing that!

Goodnight!

Definitely NOT a wind up.

Quite proud that you might think it is

Also NOT a restaurant we are talking about cheap chain cafes/coffee shops so M&S, Starbucks kind of place.

It is pretty much the norm round here.

It doesn't matter how much or how little you spend. M&S sell fruit tubs but if they desperately want fruit, eat in the restaurant and then pop into a supermarket afterwards and buy fruit and eat it walking around.

I don't think it is a regional thing. It is a simple case of manners. Then again, if enough people do it, it becomes the 'norm' and soon enough somebody will come along and post about being highly insulted because they were frowned at and asked to leave a restaurant because they brought their own food into it and they will get support from people who will undoubtedly say 'its the normal thing to do around here, my parents always did it'.

Perhaps I should just wait for that to happen so DH and I can book a table at a Michelin star restaurant that we really can't afford and we can take turns at ordering while the other person produces a lunchbox of homemade food. When the waiter objects, I will point out that DH has ordered and I am simply enjoying the ambience!

You shouldn't be.

I don't think it's a regional thing at all, it's frowned upon / not allowed here, I'm in Dorset.

There was a thread on here recently about people bagging seats in cafes before purchasing food. Now it seems its okay not to purchase food either!

Its called having a picnic! It is actually horrible behaviour, the restaurant have to pay rent, heating, staff, insurance and many other outgoings and people think it is okay to sit down and eat their own food in it. You should be ashamed.

We are up north and rural.

Interesting reading this thread. One of those where MN opinion seems rather at odds with normal life.

Fancy a biscuit now someone mentioned one..

Maybe it's your life that's at odds with normal life?

I don't think YABU at all - I can't understand why a restaurant would do this when 2 adults are eating and drinking and it's just one small baby who isn't!?
Perhaps if there were lots of kids in the party all not eating I could see why they could use the space more profitably, but one baby in a high chair isn't going to greatly affect their income for the day!
How do they know the child doesn't have allergies that prevent him having their food?
I do this all the time with my son who has just turned 2. He is autistic and has a limited diet - I usually bring the one type of sandwich he will eat or cheese and crackers when I'm out having lunch with a friend. Surely the restaurant would rather have our custom, 2 adults eating and drinking than kick us out because a baby can't eat there?
I usually say "I hope it's ok, he's still eating baby food" They have always said "yes of course, no problem" or words to that effect (different restaurants - I eat lunch out quite a lot)

As some posters have suggested maybe I should stay home until my child can eat something off their menu? Oh actually, that might be never.
What if someone can only be tube-fed? Can they not be part of a family meal out ever in their life?

I think it's great if your child can eat adult food but surely most are still learning and won't be able to manage all textures at 14 months!?

if there is nothing on the menu that I know he will eat

There is always something he will eat. He will eat a bit of what you are having, or a bit of bread, or a bowl of chips, or pick at the salad if desperate. There is 'always' something that a child will eat. I know this because I have borne and brought up four children and taken them all into restaurants in this country and on the continent.
I have never felt the desire or need to carry a small plastic back-up box of pasta around with me. If my kids are hungry they will eat whatever is available when we do a rest and food stop when travelling. Hungry kids eat most acceptable food options.

It seems to me that the OP had pre-planned the pasta for her child and the Jamaican restaurant was a bit of a swerve away from an original plan, so she just thought that she would give the child the pasta anyway.

But in that situation, I would have binned the pasta and given my child a new experience of food in a Jamaican restaurant.
I can sort of understand not being able to adapt to a different situation, but I would have loved to have my kids sample that new (for us) food. I would have deffo binned the pasta and offered him lots of new and different tastes. With a bit of bread to fill him up, obviously, if he didn't like it. But you really have to take away the pasta back up. It cannot always be there when he gets older.

Theycalledmethewildrose,(that's a bloody long username) haha,
Yes I have to agree with you.
I'm in London and my daughter is 7 years old and has been coming to restaurants with me and her dad since she was 4 months old( child friendly restaurants).
Let's be honest most restaurants allow babies and kids as long as you dine at a early time and it's always best to call the restaurant in advance.
We have always ordered starters and main dishes and extra little dishes( bread, salad, chips) for my daughter.
I don't recall ever taking any food for her with me except when she was very young and I took her bottle with me.
I personally don't think it's acceptable to bring food into a restaurant for a child unless they have food allergies.

Found a biscuit!

Would love to be a bit more 'at odds with normal life' Molly!

That sounds rather exciting!

Off to bed.

YANBU If it is not the type of place to offer 'children menus' or items that you know your child will not eat, then I would do the same. It's not like you just popped in for a drink/were not ordering food
Then being told to leave, not a polite ' You did not know the rules, but will next time' ...was not nice either :(

It is pretty much the norm round here
It's an outright liberty!! I would be speechless if I saw that! And then probably laugh. If you can't afford it maybe go later when you can? It's obviously done where you live but, like I said before, I've never ever seen it.

It's been ages since I heard someone say the word 'fiddlesticks' as a PP did.

[misses point].

Have a good sleep OP.I think you have been pretty gracious at the kicking!

My older daughter didn't like a wide variety of food, so for her I would have phoned in advance to ask if it was OK to bring our own food for her

So you book a table at a restaurant. And then you phone ahead to ask if it's ok to bring your own food for one member of your party because there might not be anything that she fancies on the menu?

I really don't believe any normal person would do that.
That goes way beyond taking the piss. There must actually be something seriously amiss with you and yours to think that's a normal thing to do.

My daughter is vegan. I take her out for dinner when she visits.
I do not just book a table at any old place and ring them and ask if it's ok for me to bring a can of lentils for them to warm up.
I choose a restaurant who has bothered to include a vegan option.
It doesn't matter if there is only one vegan choice, because she is very grateful that there is something specifically vegan on the menu that she can order without having to enter into the unavoidable question and answer situ. Vegans do not want to be special. They really do not want to make a fuss. They just don't eat meat, milk or eggs. And we all hate the fuss and bother that always entails.

I really cannot understand why you would not use a restaurant situation to introduce the daughter to new foods. Seriously.
It's an ideal situation to say 'this is what normal people eat when they go out for dinner. Choose what you want, or have a bit of mine'

I honestly despair when I see people on the telly who, when confronted with an aubergine or a pepper or an avocado pear or a courgette, have absolutely no fucking idea what these things are.
And I was born in a small mining village in the NE of England,, very poor, lived in a back to back house with a toilet 'midden' halfway up the street. So I am not posh or indulged in any way.

But as roughly brought up as I have been - I know it's not on to take food into a café or restaurant. It's just common courtesy. And also fucking obvious. Maybe it's this new fangled idea that everybody is entitled to everything, that is making these ridiculously entitled posts so commonplace.

No. It is not ok to take a pot of home made pasta into a restaurant in order to feed your 14 month old child. If you cannot understand why that is not acceptable then there is no point in trying to explain it to you.

I think there are two separate issues.

1. I'm surprised they made a fuss about the pasta. We often brought food for ours. Especially when we only had one child.

2. You behave very unreasonably. You should have paid for the drinks you ordered and which were delivered.

aforandromeda You do know, don't you, that despite the fact that you had 4 kids, not all children will behave as yours have done in given situations? It's part of the excitement of being a toddler. New stuff. New stuff to chew) Not all toddlers, or babies - and I certainly see a 14 month old as being a baby, unlike others on this thread, react well to exciting new experiences.

And, no, I doubt a 15 year old will take his own burger to McDs just because he once had a pot of pasta in a restaurant 14 years ago. Neither do I believe that 14 month old babies notice where the food is coming from/who's paying for it and will grow up unaware of what a restaurant is if their parents occasionally take bits in for them.

Kids love rice and peas Really, all of them, like, ever in the whole world?

Why do you assume the OP never gives her child new flavours/stuff to try? I was never organised enough to take pots of pasta around with me, but when mine were that age they had a mixture of bread sticks/rice cakes/raisons I had brought and bits from my plate.

And I know your kids are older now, but there have been several comments on this thread about picky eaters/how awful it is and how children should try new foods. Mine are 10 & 7 now and refuse (ds2) or stoically eat as quickly as possible to get it out of the way (ds1) all sorts of things they ate all the time as babies and toddlers. I think they'll certainly recognise courgettes & aubergines when they're older, but they're not wolfing them down now like they were years ago sadly.

Children's menus should be cut up and thrown away. No reason why children can't have a smaller version of an adult meal.

I bet you could have found something he would eat. Plus maybe check menu before you sit down next time.

I get why the cafe has the policy generally but as other posters have said, this should be applied on a case by case basis. I wouldn't always expect a baby to have to have a separate meal. A line has to be drawn somewhere but flexibility is key. A little pot of pasta isn't the same as a massive meal, especially when it's clear the adults will be ordering from the menu. Cafe was being a bit unreasonable.

However, the version of events as they were described in the OP (before the YABUs started flowing) didn't make the waiter seem half as unreasonable as later posts and I suspect that is the most accurate version. All this 'he was so rude and put the drinks down and told us to leave' doesn't ring quite true so on that basis ywbu too.

I had the fussiest toddler in the world. She ate nothing but porridge, bread and chips for 3 years. I would never have had the brass neck to take my own food somewhere. We just always went somewhere which sold chips or bread. If I'd thought about somewhere we hadn't been before I looked at the menu before going in, if nothing suitable we went elsewhere.