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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming at this restaurant?

778 replies

Ginge85 · 12/04/2017 15:40

I recently went to a restaurant with my best friend and DS who is 14 months old for lunch. We'd never been before. When I asked for a highchair for DS they promptly brought us one and I'd never ever thought this restaurant would be not a child friendly place.
My friend and I ordered drinks and our food and shortly afterwards I started to feed DS a smallish pot of pasta I'd made and brought with us. There was nothing really on the menu I would've ordered for him, and anything I could've done he would've barely eaten any and would've been a waste of money. I was then therefore extremely baffled and shocked when the waitor came over and awkwardly told us that any food that wasn't bought in the restaurant couldn't be consumed there Confused. He was talking about DS's pasta. I could understand if we as adults had brought our own food and we're eating it but for a baby?! Our bill would've come to around £35 with what we'd ordered also. He was very persistent with this and in the end we walked out before our food had come (we didn't pay for our drinks- but hadn't drank from that as yet). I'm baffled and fuming! Any other time I've been out for lunch every other restaurant has never ever said anything, and have been more than happy to get me a bowl of hot water to warm it up if needed. AIBU?

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 12/04/2017 23:07

It's just like a screenplay.

Whydididothatfuckingthing · 12/04/2017 23:07

I always take food for my 5 year old when we eat out - usually sandwiches and a yogurt/dessert.
I have never been challenged/asked not to give it to him - anywhere!
I personally do it because he has major issues with food - he has been tube fed the majority of his life (some puréed food). He only learnt to chew 12 months ago and we finally had the gastro tube removed last Sept. we are also dealing with many, many food intolerances and I couldn't risk him eating something I'd not prepared...
I know this is a totally different senario to op, but I'm now actually quite surprised we haven't been pulled up on it once... but I do actually long for him to be able to eat off the 'menu' Fuck I'd give him fast food everyday if he would/could eat it...

StrangeLookingParasite · 12/04/2017 23:08

So she says.

And so do quite a lot of us posting.

StrangeLookingParasite · 12/04/2017 23:09

It's just like a screenplay.

No, it's actually remarkably consistent. I do not know what you a reading, but I suspect you're just gagging to have a go at her.

Original poster
Ginge85 · 12/04/2017 23:09

I apologise for the 'glaring inconsistencies' in the OP and the rest of it. But I feel I've been cosnsitent in all of my responses. Initially I was just shocked it was an issue. And no floggingmolly, once again, I've admitted and accepted, several times now, that I was BU to assume it was okay to feed DS a pot of homemade pasta without asking. I feel you will never agree or decide to give me a break on this, so maybe just stop posting now? I think I'm going to be doing the same.

OP posts:
SalemSaberhagen · 12/04/2017 23:10

Did I read that it was a cafe OP? I'm amazed that anyone can spend £35 for 2 adults in a cafe!

BillyButtfuck · 12/04/2017 23:10

Your poor friend Blush

Wolfiefan · 12/04/2017 23:10

I didn't realise.
I've never had this before.
I didn't see the problem.
Wrong! You apologise instead of justifying yourself and arguing.
He gave you the chance to stop feeding your own food (which isn't allowed) but instead you walked out without paying.
Rude. Very rude.

Floggingmolly · 12/04/2017 23:11

Fair enough, Ginge. I was mainly responding to Strange implying I couldn't read.

Aria2015 · 12/04/2017 23:12

Surprised by the comments here. I was taking food to cafes and restaurants for my lo at that age. He's a fuss pot and unless I order him a plate of chips (under strict instructions from dh not to do that!) he wouldn't eat and so I'd just take a Ella pouch with me. Even now I take snacks to tide him over if we are waiting for food - although now he's now a toddler so I usually get him something for himself like a croissant or toast if there is nothing suitable meal wise. I've never had anyone say anything to me, in fact I've had offers to heat the food up and been given free water and milk etc... I don't really get why a restaurant would be that bothered if they don't have a specific children's menu. I mean loads of people have said feed lo whatever you are having but that doesn't make them any money so what's the difference? Also my father and fil have worked in restaurants all their lives and we've been out with them and done this and they've never said anything and believe me, they are quick to point out when restaurant etiquette is broken lol!

gandalf456 · 12/04/2017 23:15

Surely, if giving him something from your plate, you are not paying anyway? What's the difference? ?

SuburbanRhonda · 12/04/2017 23:17

I looked at the menu. I knew as DS's mother there was nothing he would eat on the menu

At that point I would have chosen a different restaurant.

PenelopeFlintstone · 12/04/2017 23:21

I've read about it a lot on mumsnet but I can honestly say that I have never, ever, ever seen anyone pull out their own food for a child in a restaurant or cafe. If mn is indicative of the situation in the UK now, I'd say the first ones to do it were taking the mickey really and now it's become normal but this owner still doesn't like it. He possibly doesn't care about the $35 and wants to keep his place a bit 'nicer' than a place where people pull out their own food.

PenelopeFlintstone · 12/04/2017 23:24

I do think he could've been much gentler with you though, as you didn't have any ill intentions.

Theycalledmethewildrose · 12/04/2017 23:24

At that point I would have chosen a different restaurant.

Ditto.

As you had a pot of pasta with you, it is clear your intention was to feed him the pasta.

That said, I see why you were annoyed (although I don't' agree with you). I think you must ask first especially as your child isn't a small baby anymore.

SearchingforGrandparents · 12/04/2017 23:25

To be fair to OP, I have a very very very fussy 2yr old and very often find there isn't ANYTHING she can eat. And yes Witsender I came across a pub/restaurant that didn't sell any pasta at all just a few days ago.

And don't worry op, there is a legislation that's recently been put into place that states that children under 2 years old can legally eat or drink their own food in UK establishments, provided they're accompanied by a paying adult. I was told this by Trading Standards after being kicked out of a Diner for feeding my baby in 2015.

Llanali · 12/04/2017 23:25

Firstly, I think it's unreasonable to feed a toddler home made food in a restaurant.

Secondly, it doesn't actually matter if other people do it, or other places let you. This one, did not. When told this, you countered rather than accepting, and then when presented with two options you made a choice to leave. You then left without paying.

You were BU in my opinion, and I wouldn't have done it, but all this about many places being fine etc, from OP and subsequent posters, is irrelevant. They asked you not to, and you chose to walk away without paying.

GabsAlot · 12/04/2017 23:28

just quote the legislation-looks like they cant do it

mellicauli · 12/04/2017 23:36

I can see the reasoning..1 child eating a packed lunch with 2 paying adults is not bad. What then another couple take In 4 children and sat at a table for 6 with only 2 people ordering & a big picnic going on? Then they point to your child and say, well, it's ok for him...better to have a no outside food policy for all.

Voice0fReason · 12/04/2017 23:37

I can't believe the hard time the OP has got on here!

It's perfectly reasonable to feed a toddler a small pot of pasta when the adults are ordering food and drink. I just don't understand why anyone would get their knickers in a twist over this.

My eldest would eat anything so I never had a problem finding something to feed him, but my youngest had real problems with food (later found out he is autistic). At 14 months I could only feed him a limited range of food that I carried with me.

I'd have walked out in the same situation. It's stupid for a restaurant to be so bloody minded.

SuburbanRhonda · 12/04/2017 23:47

there is a legislation that's recently been put into place that states that children under 2 years old can legally eat or drink their own food in UK establishments, provided they're accompanied by a paying adult.

Just out of interest, have you got a link for that? I googled but couldn't find it.

BillyButtfuck · 12/04/2017 23:58

Suburban I couldn't find any legislation on it anywhere because there isn't any.
I go out for lunch with 4 other mums from our local twin club every month or so, mine have just turned 1 and the others are a similar age so if we all went to a cafe and took our own food for the toddlers it would be 5 paying adults and 10 children in pushchairs (never enough highchairs for us Grin) having a prepacked lunch.
No way would we! Occasionally another parent comes with us and brings his son (slightly older I think 18months) who has severe allergies and if he has looked at the menu beforehand and there really isn't anything suitable he will phone ahead and ask if they can prepare something or if he could bring a special meal for him. That's never been a problem but he's always given the restaurant the choice and never assumes it's ok.

aforandromeda · 13/04/2017 00:00

Restaurants are places where you go to buy and eat food. Not take in your own. And toddlers learn from you what a restaurant is. When he's 15 he'll be taking his own burgers into MacDonalds?
You could have done the restaurant the courtesy of paying a nominal sum for them to prepare a 'small pot of pasta' for your toddler thereby teaching your child what a restaurant is, and not pissing the management off. Taking fecking pasta into a restaurant?
WTAF?

When I took my toddlers into restaurants I would use it as an opportunity to get them to try new foods from my plate, a new learning experience. A bit of broccoli, a roasted pepper, a tiny bit of something spicy, a quartered olive. Not a fecking pot of boring pasta brought from home that they have every day of the week. What does that teach a child about going out to eat? And 14 months is an excellent time to start to introduce different and exciting things to the toddler palate, right off of your plate. Mummy is eating it, so at least it's not poisonous, no?
YABVVVU and you also need to not underestimate what tasty and exciting food your child will eat. Given the opportunity.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/04/2017 00:05

I brought up three children, and we ate out quite a lot (especially on holiday), and I don't think I ever took our own food into a restaurant or cafe. We did have to choose cafes/restaurants that had things they would eat on the menu, but we always found things the boys would eat.

In fact, I never made a habit of packing snacks for them when we went out - not so much as a packet of raisins, to keep them from starvation - but they seem to have survived such neglect.

aforandromeda · 13/04/2017 00:05

He's a fuss pot and unless I order him a plate of chips (under strict instructions from dh not to do that!) he wouldn't eat and so I'd just take a Ella pouch with me.=

That's ridiculous. Why not just let him not eat?
Order him what you think he needs to eat to be nourished and healthy. It wouldn't take very many visits to turn that behaviour around.
I despair.