to expect a 10 year old to have a bit of control even if they have D&V?

[Hoptastic53]

I know I'm probably going to get flamed because this is about my DSD, but here goes. She's been here since Wednesday and has inevitably caught the D&V bug me and her siblings had from last Saturday - Tuesday. She was first sick on Friday and has been sick on the carpets in three different rooms multiple times. She's soiled herself and a carpet and her bed twice. She's been sick in her bed several times and her mattress is probably going to have to be thrown away. She's gone to the bathroom sometimes but even then has got it on the towels, dressing gowns and walls.

When she's sick she's so loud it's like a scene from the exorcist. She's woken the entire house both Friday and last night by being so loud and then coming and switching the light on in our room (where 2 year old DD sleeps) to tell us she'd been sick. She woke half hour ago to tell me she's soiled herself, again. She isn't bothered or embarrassed and just shrugs like it's a matter of fact. Obviously I don't want her to be embarrassed and I don't show that I'm frustrated but AIBU to think that even with a bug, she should have a bit of control?

My other DC managed to stop getting sick anywhere but the toilet or a bowl by about four years old and while missing once or twice during a bout of D&V is perhaps understandable, I feel DSD is making no effort at all.

I'm prepared to be told IBU but after a week of cleaning sick and poo and not sleeping (the sight of sick makes DP sick) and being heavily pregnant, I'm about fed up.

My six year old has never made a mess when sick. My ten year old cannot coordinate himself at all when sick and even with bowls it goes everywhere. And in the past I've had people telling me not to make so much noise when being sick. It's involuntary I can't stop it. She's a poorly child that caught a bug at your house. Feel sorry for her.

OP, you are getting an unfair roasting here. Fwiw I had an absolutely horrible stepmother and it's clear to me you're definitely not one of those. It can't be any fun dealing with all this when you're recovering yourself and pregnant as well.

I think there must be some underlying issues here, possibly to do with her actual parents not looking after her when she's been ill, which is just really sad, poor thing. I wonder if she's never been shown how to look after herself.

Agree her Dad needs to pull his finger out too. He should be ashamed of himself, leaving his poorly pregnant wife to sort it.

Talking as a mother of an 11yo. If she's not making it to the bathroom in time she sounds incredibly ill bless her! She's not doing it on purpose.
I don't like the sight or smell of sick either, as an emetaphobe but also a single parent I have to suck it up and get on with it. Tell your dp to man up and deal with it.

Why does her age matter? Dear me when we all caught norovirus ar the same time, no amount of warning time beforehand would have got either one of us to the bathroom in time.

Plenty of fluids, she's probably losing them at a rate of knots, even if she brings it back up you've got the hope of at least a little staying down, plenty of rest and a sick bowl at the side of her bed.

If that's too much for your dp to deal with I suggest she goes back home to her Mum where she'll be looked after properly.

What would her Dad do if you weren't there OP? If you're pg he especially shouldn't be leaving you to do the mopping up of a contagious illness.

She should maybe be a bit better at being sick in bucket but she has perhaps never been told or shown.

What on earth do you need to tell or show anyone about how to be sick in a bucket?

Seems a bit mean she was made to stay with you when you were all ill. And now she's caught it. Crap Easter break for her.

All I have gleaned from your posts is that your husband is a twat.

Kick him the fuck out of bed and tell him to go and comfort his poor daughter.

It sounds like she is absolutely desperate for attention.

All you want when you're ill is a cuddle.and for someone to tell you it'll be okay.

the poor pregnant Stepmum should not have to deal with it

No she shouldn't. But that's because the Dp is being a wuss about putting a pair of marigolds on and cleaning up after his child. Not because the poor kid is ill. A ten year old that can't make it to the bathroom in time sounds very poorly. This was my DS when he caught gastroenteritis. He literally peed puked and pooed where he lay for days. Was still in nappies / pull ups thankfully which made it easier but it's the poorliest I remember him being.

If it's projectile vomiting it's not going to bit the sick bucket anyway.

I was thinking that too megletthesecond. Hopefully she's better in time for Easter Sunday!

But she's not lying in bed the whole time, she's well enough to be up and about and playing during the day. Which makes the lack of ability to aim for the sick bowl odd.

I think her dad needs to be more nurturing of her while she's sick.

Hmm, very convenient that as soon as people point out sheet covers, bucket etc, OP has already done that, though no mention before those strategies are pointed out.

OP is being awful. Unsympathetic, unrealistic and, frankly, vindictive. It doesn't matter that (according to OP) the parents are more awful, OP is still being horrendous.

She's just come on here to try to get validation for some pretty hideous ways of thinking and behaviours. She'll say whatever it takes to appear in the right and get condemnation directed at the little girl.

It'd be one thing to look for sympathy and support in the circumstances, but to be so dogged insisting a child is doing this on purpose to be difficult, is just disgusting.

Might even suggest that the OP is the kind of person to use manipulation to get attention from others and control situations- she's imputing her own motives onto the little girl. To be so persistent in directing venom at a child is pyschopathic.

My sympathy is for the ill child, not for any of the idiotic, irresponsible adults.

All of my children have made it to the toilet since they were 5 ish. It's one thing i am insistent on as cleaning up sick makes me feel dreadful. One accident at the start is one thing and usually it is on the way to the loo you don't mind so much cause they have tried. Repeated accidents though that takes the piss a bit she would be sitting in the loo with a cup of cooled boiled water to sip whilst it runs it's course.
Can I suggest you clean yourself and dc up and leave dh home to deal with it whilst you go out for the day

You can get dry nites for 8-15 years btw

The obvious solution. I have them and tena nappies for the adults for when bugs happen. Saves your clothes and beds when you have a bit extra time.

At 10 I would expect them to be able to puke in a bowl. Has she actually been shown how when it's happening?

Put your bloke on cleaning duty if he's a pansy with illness. I'd be more concerned the bug was still about for SD to catch.

We all had the same bug last week and I just feel like if her just turned six year old sister can get through it without any mishaps then she isn't making enough effort if she's had over ten of them.

Making enough effort? She's ill, with a bug you all gave her for Christ's sake.

I had a similar difficulty with my stepchildren's enuresis. I was pregnant, tired and we did not have a tumble dryer.

My stepdaughter (7) would wake us in the night whenever she wet her bed. My stepson (9) would not wake us, but would lock himself in the bathroom for hours the next morning when he bathed to clean up - and be completely unresponsive to anyone saying they needed to get in there.

I was aware that enuresis is hardly a voluntary thing. But I also wondered why the children's mother hadn't sought any help for the children's bedwetting. (Looking back, I should probably have asked my partner for more help too, with all the laundry that took ages to dry.)

We did eventually sort out the night-waking issue - it just got too tiring when I was also waking to feed the baby.

I think there are crises where it's a matter of fire-fighting - and then once the crisis is over one can start talking and planning so that the next time things can be done differently. (The father needs to help more. The daughter can do her best when it comes to damage limitation.)

Soup

They knowingly exposed her to a highly contagious bug. They gave it to her. She didn't just pluck it out of thin air walking along the street.

Or are all of the chicken pox threads wrong too.

The odd accident or getting caught short at the beginning fine but that amount of accidents and to the point there is shit on towels/night gowns/floors, that's wrong and definitely an element of laziness.

Laziness?

So what about all the adults on here that have said when they've picked up bugs and haven't made it to the lav in time, do they all have an element of laziness too?

Good quality mattress covers don't rustle. Try Hippychick. I have them on the kids' beds as a permanent feature because of D&V bugs, and I thoroughly recommend.

This would drive me insane. My toddler used to push the bowl away and run off, puking, but he was a toddler!! I trained him out of it.

One or two misses is normal, but not consistent misses.

If you had posted this about your own daughter you would perhaps not have got all the comments saying how horrible you are.

I think the dad in this situation should be supporting his daughter, not leaving it all to the OP. No wonder the DD has a heightened stress attitude towards being sick with her father's example before her. And if he is an emetophobe then perhaps the DD should stay with her mother, if her step mother's care is unacceptable? It doesn't sound like either actual parent has a problem with the way the OP is dealing with it, seeing as how they are happy to let her do so.

Its quite unbelievable the number of posters who SAY they would be ok with a 10 year old shitting and vomiting everywhere.

Well, no, no one is okay with it, but most of us understand most 10yo's don't do this voluntary. Especially when they've picorf up a bug from the OPs family, eseocially when the OP said that they'd been ill all week with it. They should have contacted her Mum and told her it's best she comes another time. Once they were all better.

The whole bashing stepmums thing is a moot point here, the OP would have got the same replies had she been the Mum. I'm far from a Stepmum basher, I loved my Stepmum and was devastated when she died early. My two DCs also have a very good relationship with their Dads girlfriend too, and we get on also. If she wrote that post I'd be pissed off with her too, I'd also be pissed off at my Ex for thinking he can bypass the yuckier bits of parenting and let his pg gf deal with it instead. He sounds a prize catch.

So your household had D&V on Tues still & she came on the Weds?

That is just awful-the poor girl was almost bound to get it.

Your husband is at least washing & changing bedding/towels isn't he?

Awaywiththepixies maybe you could read the ops posts. She said they told the mother that they had been ill and the mother sent her anyway.

*picked up

*especially.

OP. If you're still around. Contact the Mum if it's possible to come and collect her. That way the DD will get proper rest and you wont be at risk of catching it again being pg, and be able to get some proper rest too. You sound extremely tired, I'm not suprised given your dp appears to be leaving all the nursing duties to you.