to expect a 10 year old to have a bit of control even if they have D&V?

[Hoptastic53]

I know I'm probably going to get flamed because this is about my DSD, but here goes. She's been here since Wednesday and has inevitably caught the D&V bug me and her siblings had from last Saturday - Tuesday. She was first sick on Friday and has been sick on the carpets in three different rooms multiple times. She's soiled herself and a carpet and her bed twice. She's been sick in her bed several times and her mattress is probably going to have to be thrown away. She's gone to the bathroom sometimes but even then has got it on the towels, dressing gowns and walls.

When she's sick she's so loud it's like a scene from the exorcist. She's woken the entire house both Friday and last night by being so loud and then coming and switching the light on in our room (where 2 year old DD sleeps) to tell us she'd been sick. She woke half hour ago to tell me she's soiled herself, again. She isn't bothered or embarrassed and just shrugs like it's a matter of fact. Obviously I don't want her to be embarrassed and I don't show that I'm frustrated but AIBU to think that even with a bug, she should have a bit of control?

My other DC managed to stop getting sick anywhere but the toilet or a bowl by about four years old and while missing once or twice during a bout of D&V is perhaps understandable, I feel DSD is making no effort at all.

I'm prepared to be told IBU but after a week of cleaning sick and poo and not sleeping (the sight of sick makes DP sick) and being heavily pregnant, I'm about fed up.

That poor bairn.

Remember this post, next time you get ill.

YABVVU

I think you are getting a hard time here op, at 10 she should be able to manage better than this. The odd accident or getting caught short at the beginning fine but that amount of accidents and to the point there is shit on towels/night gowns/floors, that's wrong and definitely an element of laziness.

That said, your thread is about the wrong person. I am horrified at your do and I really think you need to deal with him and her behaviour I think might just naturally improve. Just tell him to cop the fuck on, nobody likes other peoples puke but as a parent its just part of it. Your anger is at the wrong person here, you seem to be brushing over the horrible treatment of you and your DSD by your dh

She should maybe be a bit better at being sick in bucket but she has perhaps never been told or shown. I think she perhaps needs soneone with her to help and remind her. When dd is vomiting I take her in with me put towels on and next to bed and keep sick bowl close. I can then help her to be sick in bowl etc. Having done this a few times she is starting to understand sick should be in bowl. She is 12 but has special needs. Your dp is being useless of course.

I agree that the Op is getting a hard time here.

This poor child has two parents, neither of whom can be arsed to care for her when she's ill. So it falls to the fathers heavily pregant partner who also looks after a toddler ( presumably also this man's child ) .

This isn't reasonable.

Her parents need to deal with this not you. Either she's very poorly with this bug and needs to see a doctor. Or she has some emotional and behavioural problems and needs psychological help.

It's not normal for a NT 10 yo to soil herself repeatedly and not try to wash herself / clean it up.

You should've just posted that she was your DD, it would've been interesting to see the responses in the first instance. I like how everyone jumped to conclusions that no sick bucket or help of any kind had been provided because you're an evil stepmother.

YANBU, mostly. If younger siblings have managed then it is frustrating that an older sibling can't. However bugs can affect some children in different ways so it could really be more urgent for her. Missing the sick bucket is silly though. As for your DP some people really can't handle sick. My own mother had a full on dear, so would tie my hair back and wait outside even when I was quite young. It never bothered me.

In my house I too would help DSD when sick before my DH (her father) just because that is how we work.

It's not her fault I am sure, but you are right to feel annoyed but this annoyance should be directed to her dad for being too pathetic to clean up after his daughter. Assuming you weren't together and he lived alone, what would he do?

I have waterproof mattress protectors of all our beds. Not those crispy hard plastic ones, Marks do really nice soft quilted ones. No way I was ruining my £500 mattress with my peri menopausal flooding. Sick and diarrhoea therefore wouldn't spoil a mattress.

YABVU - poor girl. She sounds very unwell and neither of you are putting a lot of effort into comforting her. To top it all off, you're the ones who gave her the bug. Perhaps you should just stop complaining, get your DP to clean up after his own daughter, and then make an appointment with a doctor.

And next time you all have a nasty bug, perhaps you could postpone her visit until you've fully recovered.

I get travel sick. Last time I flew I got straight off the plane and puked in the taxi. Mostly in a plastic bag but not entirely. I'm 29.
How do you stop yourself being sick when you need to be sick? I don't understand :S.

Christ i hope your husband never becomes a single dad, with all those kids and a dislike of other people's sick he'd be screwed. Seriously you're heavily pregnant and cleaning up his child's vomit and shit because it makes him feel sick? Diddums. Appalling on his part.

I'm not surprised you're struggling. You're heavily pregnant. You've had the illness yourself and you've had to look after other sick people while being ill or recovering. All while DH hides away from any responsibility.

When you're all better, quietly reward all the kids who tried to be considerate while ill. Tell them how much you appreciated all their efforts to reach the bucket/loo, even if they missed occasionally.

When the eldest is completely better, I would nicely help her aqua vac the floors she messed up and disinfect any surfaces she threw up on. Just to ensure the smell is completely gone. If the mattress needs to be taken to the tip, she should help with that too. Presently she's choosing to be sick everywhere. She really doesn't care because the cleaning up doesn't impact her at all.

When I was 9 and had just had my appendix out I had a very dodgy tummy.
I had a few accidents on the way to the toilet- and we lived in a flat so it wasn't that far to go.
There was nothing of could have done .
I still remember how my mom made me feel.
Please be kind to your DSD.

The OP is being kind though, she's the only one actually looking after her DSD as neither biological parent wants to.

I get that it's not always possible to vomit tidily but if she's in bed, knows she's sick and has a bowl just next to her it seems odd to not even try to vomit into it. That's different to the initial vomit in an illness which can occur more unexpectedly out and about.

From about 3 my kids could vomit into a bowl or at the least a carefully placed towel.

She's 10 poor little thing with an illness YOU gave her and at least one of her parents is crap.

Fuck sake man. Don't be mean. You should be directing this post at your DP.

And there certainly are times there is no control over diarrhoea.

@Hoptastic53 (the sight of sick makes DP sick)

What and the rest of us just love it, do we?

Anyone who wimps out like this needs to get a fucking grip.

Well I don't think YABU.

Let's say for a minute that she really can't help getting vomit and poo everywhere. Even if this were true (very doubtful!), the heavily pregnant, sleep deprived and recently recovered herself OP has done more than her share of cleaning up now. The vomit needs to be contained somehow.

If DSD can't/won't contain it, how about setting her up in a tiled room during the day at least? Bathroom with the ruined mattress (if it will fit), empty bathtub with pillow/blankets? Not ideal, but you can't go on clearing up random vomit/mess for much longer OP.

And tell your useless DH to get over himself!! How can he watch his heavily pregnant wife scrubbing carpets etc?! I am 35 weeks and can barely move.

with an illness YOU gave her

She caught the illness. No one gave it to her.

When I was 22 I woke up one morning with horrendous period pain , vomited into the toilet, then stood up and promptly (with no warning) shat myself, all over the bathroom floor. I was at my mum's and I remember she cleaned the bathroom, helped me shower (a challenge because I was spewing from every orifice pretty much!) and then back into bed on top of towels/black bags. Even phoned the out of hours doctor for me.

I was and am incredibly grateful, still can't believe she cleaned up the mess for me. It made a huge difference and to be honest state I was in I couldn't have done much anyway.

I would try not to be cross with her, I'm sure she isn't intentionally choosing to do this.

OP! I don't think you are unreasonable at all. I would imagine that most of the time she should be able to make it to the bathroom I need time. Of course there may be times she can't but to not make it every time is unlikely.

Your DP is a useless arse though. Vomitmakes me feel sick too but I have to get on with clearing up after my children (who are fully "bucket and bathroom trained")

At that age she should be able to get the sick in the bucket . The first sign of sick in our house and the bucket is straight out with instructions to take it with you everywhere! My 3 year old recently had this and was able to get it in the bucket every time so I struggle to understand how a 10 year old misses.

If diarrhoea also, if child still small enough I'd put a pull up on them, just in case, though thankfully over about 5 years of age it's never been soiled. At 10, unless she on the big side, she should fit a large pull-up so I'd get those for her. Much easier to clean her up.

But changed, did you then remove the black bags because they were rustling, and throw up next to your bucket but all over the bed another ten times?

It sounds as though she cannot control her bodily functions when she has DV, or finds it very hard. It just comes like that without warning sometimes. Mabey some kids are not able to read the signs that they need to be sick and act on them, my daughter who is 10 who has ASD, learning difficulties, will be sick in situ, whereas my son who is 5 will be able to make it to the toilet and be sick.

You can get dry nites for 8-15 years btw

To be honest I didn't , but only because I was flat out for the next 24 hours - only woke up to vomit. My mum got me a bucket and dealt with it. Not at all pleasant for anyone. Thankfully I've never had a reaction like that to a period since. My mum was lovely, I had absolutely no control over it.

I can also see op viewpoint too, she is getting over the bug, she is pregnant and tired, and is getting very little help from the girls fathers who should be doing this.