to expect a 10 year old to have a bit of control even if they have D&V?

[Hoptastic53]

I know I'm probably going to get flamed because this is about my DSD, but here goes. She's been here since Wednesday and has inevitably caught the D&V bug me and her siblings had from last Saturday - Tuesday. She was first sick on Friday and has been sick on the carpets in three different rooms multiple times. She's soiled herself and a carpet and her bed twice. She's been sick in her bed several times and her mattress is probably going to have to be thrown away. She's gone to the bathroom sometimes but even then has got it on the towels, dressing gowns and walls.

When she's sick she's so loud it's like a scene from the exorcist. She's woken the entire house both Friday and last night by being so loud and then coming and switching the light on in our room (where 2 year old DD sleeps) to tell us she'd been sick. She woke half hour ago to tell me she's soiled herself, again. She isn't bothered or embarrassed and just shrugs like it's a matter of fact. Obviously I don't want her to be embarrassed and I don't show that I'm frustrated but AIBU to think that even with a bug, she should have a bit of control?

My other DC managed to stop getting sick anywhere but the toilet or a bowl by about four years old and while missing once or twice during a bout of D&V is perhaps understandable, I feel DSD is making no effort at all.

I'm prepared to be told IBU but after a week of cleaning sick and poo and not sleeping (the sight of sick makes DP sick) and being heavily pregnant, I'm about fed up.

Something isn't right here, she should be making the effort to minimise the mess, throwing up over yourself or shitting yourself without making the effort to minimise the mess is odd indeed.

Does your partner have emetophobia OP or is he genuinely useless?

She was first sick on Friday and still being that violently ill on Sunday night? That would concern me more than the bodily fluids over the bathroom towels tbh x

You were woken up by the sound of her being violently sick but she still had to come and find you in your room when she needed support? She's 10 ffs. You clearly don't like her much.

Maybe if you were up with her while she was ill you could 'train' her in how to keep from getting it everywhere etc. As it is, it seems like she is looking after herself and getting in to a state.

YABU

I once had a bug which meant that when I vomited, the poo came shooting out at the same time. It was like a crazy reflex. I was SO ill. I had to sit on the toilet with my head in a bucket. Maybe it's like that?

If her dad won't take care of her, then she goes to her mum.

It's not your job to clean her shit and puke.

Send her in the morning. She needs to know this isn't acceptable.

You say her mum gets angry at all the mess - are you or her dad soft on her, is this why she thinks she can get away with it?

This is not normal behaviour; standing around pooing yourself with no effort to run to the loo. She has bigger problems than d and v bugs. I would definitely take her to GP and describe behaviour.
But 6-7 bugs?? Really? My kids haven't had that in a whole lifetime.

Wtf is wrong with some posters? DSD has a bucket and has no excuse for getting sick everywhere! At 10 years old she should have some common sense!
It sounds like she's doing the best she can get to attention. She clearly craves it... I'd be wondering why?

If she's well enough to play during the day she's well enough to vomit into a bucket, IMO. It's not like she's so sick she can't lift/turn her head.

As the person who cleans up a lot of the vomit/shit in the house (DH does too) I think it's reasonable to try to make sure they spew into a bucket. I find it odd that it doesn't seem to be bothering her much - I've had to convince DC around the same age that a full shower at 3am isn't really necessary just because there was a tiny bit of vomit on their hair.

I wonder if the DSD's aim would improve if her dad was more sympathetic/nurturing while she was ill - slept in her room, wiped off her face etc.

I think I'd toughen up on both DP and DSD. She needs to be directly taught how to manage. While she is ill, set her up a camp in the bathroom- something to do, a duvet and pillows. She stays there with a bucket until she is better. You and DP take it in turns to sit with her, bring her drinks etc. She needs to hold the bucket to her face, so she can be sick with her eyes closed. Maybe she has dyspraxia?

I think it's odd for a 10 years old not to be able to manage d&v at all. Is everyone sure there isn't an underlying issue? I'd have to speak with her about seeing a Dr it isn't normal for a 10 yr old.
However, her Dad? Wtf is he doing in all this?! You're pregnant, co-sleeping with a toddler and the one expected to get up and deal with a 10 yo either pissing about or shitting herself? He sounds like a much bigger problem.

Sounds like she is trying to get you to tell her off where has she got the impression your nasty from?

My four year old who is delayed managed to leg it and puke in his potty when he was very ill recently

I sympathise with the noise my middle son sounds like he is being slaughtered slowly when he pukes

YA and YANBU OP

My 10 year old DS had a vomiting bug a few weeks ago, he made it to the toilet first time (missed a little but it was it the bathroom so an easy clean) 2nd time though he didn't - but he was on his way and simply didn't make it in time

I would expect a 10 year old to make the effort and try but not be cross if they didn't always make it

BTW my DH also gets sick when cleaning sick, told me this when kids were babies, I sympathised and hadn't him the cleaning stuff and left him to it - he does retch but he also cleans

OP, I think you've had some harsh responses on here, but that's par for the course...!

Maybe DSD couldn't help soiling herself etc, but it was the bit about getting it on towels and dressing gowns in the bathroom that makes me agree that at 10, she could probably be a bit more mature and careful about it.

It reminds me of one of my children who was sick into a radiator when there was a perfectly good toilet next to them. The same child refused to get out of their high sleeper when they knew they were going to be sick, preferring to rain sick down on their entire bedroom. Drama queen I'm afraid

Hope things will be better for you today. Bugs are such hard work.

She has uncontrollable d & v.

You, OP, meanwhile have uncontrollable dripfeed. Seemingly triggered by the need to prove that you are being plagued by a devil child.

You are totally determined that she is being U, when in fact YABVU.

From 6 or 8 years all mine would puke in a bowl. Possibly the first puke of the illness might take them by surprise but then it would be plain sailing after that.

She sounds a bit immature and inconsiderate day to day. All that door opening and turning lights on after a stage show shows little regard for others needs. Her younger siblings have managed to get to bowls ok, so I'm not surprised youre wondering why she can't

Interestingly her dad is also showing little regard for you or his daughter. So what if he feels ill cleaning it up?! The more he deals with sick, the more he will desensitise.

If intentionally careless I would give her a bucket and let her sit on a bin liner. Are you reminding her where she needs to be sick?

It would be your partner getting the from me not the little girl. He needs a grip.

OP I think you have had some harsh replies here so YANBU but I also feel for your DSD that she has such shitty parents. What man would allow his daughter to D&V over everything and not clean up and have a quiet word with his DD about trying to get to the toilet etc.

I think you are actually being the nicest to the little girl.

Is it really uncontrollable d and v if she's just choosing not to try to control it?

If she is like this all of the 6-7 times that she has been sick then YANBU. She can't have (or very unlikely to have) norovirus all of those times. I would be tempted to go with the bribery approach suggested up thread. Yes it is nasty having a bug and we would usually have a parent with them, but that should be her father. She does sound as if she has substantial parent problems (not you) and they both need to pull their weight more.

Depends on the illness. We got food poisoning from yogurt and believe it came both ends then!!!! No time for anything. Someone should be with her comforting her. Hope shes better soon.

I can't believe the comments the OP is getting here....
Fair enough that the DAD does this once or twice at the beginnings of her illness but after should be making some sort of attempt the make it to the bathroom
And why is the adult who is getting over the bug herself and probably tired and weak from it .... as well as clearing up after I'll toddler.... the one who has to do all the running around.... interesting to see DH hasn't been I'll either.... he's keeping well away from it all... how nice for him

Dsd not dad

You sound like a bitch, my DS was sick everywhere at school so I went to get him just came on at school we didn't get home before the poor sod had an accident he was 8 years old unfortunately I had caught it and the same thing happened to me, I've had problems since getting c difficule. I can't believe you would post about her on an Internet forum, poor girl she sounds really poorly and needs abit of compassion especially as she picked it up from your house. I would be beyond furious if you posted about my child like this on the internet.

If she is eating stick to bland food and no dairy.