my 12 year old DD and unwanted male attention

[crispandcheesesandwichplease]

I've posted before about my DD getting unwanted attention form adult men. She's 12, she's developing but doesn't wear make up or skimpy clothes. She doesn't look particularly older than she is.

Today we're down by the riverside having a picnic. She's wearing jeans and a t-shirt. We were sat reading and other people are around. A bloke, in his 40's I'd say, and 2 younger kids come and sit near us. The bloke immediately starts leering at my daughter. He sees me watching him look at her, I give him the Paddington bear hard stare. The kids he is with are messing about by the water and he's sorting them out with sun cream etc. He keeps looking over at my DD then at me, he knows I'm watching him.

After about 20 mins or so they gather their stuff to leave, he still keeps glancing at my daughter then at me. DD is oblivious to this, lost in her book. As they walk off I continue watching him, and he keeps turning round to look at my DD. Then, just before they disappear round the corner he turns to me and sticks his two fingers up at me!

Part of me was amused at his cheek but another part of me was furious. He was clearly letching at her and knew I'd clocked it, then he does that! What goes on in some men's head ffs???

It will probably bother you less when you're 45 Amy. I found things much more threatening when I was younger. Not without good reason, more situations turned nasty. Young women are seen as fair game.

Anything can turn threatening within a few seconds: the most innocuous comment or question, a so-called 'compliment'.

Anything can turn threatening within a few seconds: the most innocuous comment or question, a so-called 'compliment'.

Absolutely. I posted earlier on this thread about being aggressively labelled a "miserable bitch" for ignoring supposed "compliments" shouted at me (luckily from across the road).

It probably will bother me less when I'm 45 but I don't think that means it's remotely acceptable. Harassment isn't something women should ever have to "get used to" in my opinion.

I once got threatened with anal rape for ignoring a 'compliment'. 'Stuck up bitch who d'you think you are, I could stick my dick up your arse and there's nothing you could do about it'.

One advantage of getting older is that you get less of that shit.

That's horrendous. I think "there's nothing you could do about it" actually encapsulates a lot of what this kind of thing is about - the power they have over you and a reminder of that. Many clearly enjoy seeing girls and women afraid in the knowledge of that.

Much as I look forward to it stopping (or reducing) it shouldn't be something women have to long for.

Freezing, ignoring or running are just as valid reactions as yelling and confronting though. And most of the time not reacting feels like the safer option.

I have 2 teen DD and from the age of about 13 have been used to men gorping at both of them. Usually much older men openly staring like the can't control themselves. Seems the norm sadly.

I always want to yell and confront but alas I'm not as brave as I wish I was. Not reacting does feel like the safer option, even if it isn't guaranteed to be.

It's difficult to handle that kind of situation as you run the risk of escalating the situation if you say something. I can remember my father years ago warning me to be suspicious of male attention as a child because creeps can be of any age.

It's difficult to handle that kind of situation as you run the risk of escalating the situation if you say something. I can remember my father years ago warning me to be suspicious of male attention as a child because creeps can be of any age.

Sorry for double post WiFi problems

Ninon how vile! What a revolting little turd he was

I think OP was right not to say anything her DD could hear.

I think I would have gone over and said something.

Ninon that is horrendous

You know the Everyday Sexism Project?

We could start The Everyday Paedophile, where we upload examples of men leering or making comments about our underage children. The sheer volume and extent of this - on this one thread, and the lack of belief/minimising is a microscosm of how this subject is still treated as a bit of a joke. Maybe it wouldn't be so funny if there was page after page of these appalling encounters.

Saggingninja

I do hope that you are joking. The legal ramifications of such a website would be enormous.

My girl has had sexual stuff shouted at her on several occasions. The first when walking to school in the first weeks of year seven by men in a white van. She looked very young for her age anyway but was only 11.

I'm sure the same men shouting abuse would be kicking off and threatening paedophiles...

When I was a schoolgirl I thought men shouted because they thought we were older than we were. Now I know it's because they knew we weren't.

What a depressing thread. Can't decide what's worse: that this sort of thing still goes on (was epidemic when I was growing up.We laughed it off as inevitable as it was so commonplace ) or that some here are denying it, or even suggesting it is a "learning experience". So if your 12 yo DD is leered at or has sexual comments made to her by some piece if scum pervert then it is she who has something to learn? What, exactly? To dress modestly and not attract attention? Fuck off.

We want our girls to be confident not fearful. We want them to be able to be free and full of hope for the future not terrified of walking home alone or being verbally abused or worse because they're 'Fair Game'.
But all we can do for now is to carefully educate our sons in respectful behaviour and our daughters in how to protect themselves from predators.
Because that's what these excuses for 21st Century manhood are...predators. And in the law of the jungle, the strong survive and thrive whilst the weak just put up with it.
I think filming any verbal abuse on the phone is perfectly legitimate and useful as evidence to be presented to the police. Men need to be prosecuted for harassment, grooming, coercive control, violating current safeguarding legislation - there are perfectly legitimate custom, practice and laws there already. We just need to be more proactive in taking these predators to court.

And Saggingninja's idea is brilliant.
Legal ramifications? Look at how the Everyday Sexism project has influenced society for the better and actually assisted in acknowledging that there is a massive, massive issue in society that has to be addressed.

I like the idea of the website. We don't need pictures of the leering - just make a note so that people get the idea, and understand what a major issue it is.

I like the idea of the website too. And also agree with Pallasathena in that girls need to be confident and not fearful.

However, men should educate their sons. They are their parents after all. Women should not be the educators of all humans in how to behave.

If United Airlines can be called out on their behaviour towards their passengers, then so can men who do this lecherous behaviour too. It's not beyond the wit of men to call this out.

pallasathena

saggin's idea is to post pictures of man and accuse them of being Paedophiles and you really can't see the legal ramifications of that?

Pan!!! Come on! Stop trying to light fires under people. Be nice please. The OP is clearly just saying it's not like her daughter was dressing older then her age or sexy which might attract extra attention. Whether or not that is wrong is another conversation it was just a sort of in addition to comment ffs

saggin's idea is to post pictures of man and accuse them of being Paedophiles

Nowhere does the suggestion mention pictures.

That's a very good idea Sagging. Not photos of course but written testimonies. I find it incredible how many people have been hostile and snide about my post. Talk about shooting the messenger! It may be unpalatable but clearly there's a lot of men out there behaving inappropriately towards girls.

I've been misquoted on this thread several times in order that I can be made out to be some over-zealous man-hater. Interestingly when I have challenged those posters directly about suggesting I am lying or exaggerating not one of them has come back to defend their positions. Not one has been able to back their statements up. Very telling!