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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

my 12 year old DD and unwanted male attention

452 replies

crispandcheesesandwichplease · 09/04/2017 14:51

I've posted before about my DD getting unwanted attention form adult men. She's 12, she's developing but doesn't wear make up or skimpy clothes. She doesn't look particularly older than she is.

Today we're down by the riverside having a picnic. She's wearing jeans and a t-shirt. We were sat reading and other people are around. A bloke, in his 40's I'd say, and 2 younger kids come and sit near us. The bloke immediately starts leering at my daughter. He sees me watching him look at her, I give him the Paddington bear hard stare. The kids he is with are messing about by the water and he's sorting them out with sun cream etc. He keeps looking over at my DD then at me, he knows I'm watching him.

After about 20 mins or so they gather their stuff to leave, he still keeps glancing at my daughter then at me. DD is oblivious to this, lost in her book. As they walk off I continue watching him, and he keeps turning round to look at my DD. Then, just before they disappear round the corner he turns to me and sticks his two fingers up at me!

Part of me was amused at his cheek but another part of me was furious. He was clearly letching at her and knew I'd clocked it, then he does that! What goes on in some men's head ffs???

OP posts:
DameDeDoubtance · 10/04/2017 20:13

Oh Bonny, you are one inch away from calling us all hysterical.

Tuck it in dear, your misogyny is showing...

crispandcheesesandwichplease · 10/04/2017 20:14

I'm asking a perfectly rational question Bonny, you've still not answered my question about your use of the word 'astronomical' to describe my claims. And you are still avoiding answering it.

OP posts:
Lelleybells · 10/04/2017 20:14

Oh and Shoutout I do the same as your mum! I constantly shout to these pervs 'She is 12 years old'. Quite tricky when running with her as she is bloody fast. Poor pervs are so busy gawping at her I come as quite a shock to them as a 40 year old, red raced sweaty, Lycra clad, irate woman shouts at them.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 10/04/2017 20:17

Oh Bonny is trying to make we can't be rational

No surprised similar language used by men that are caught out leering at girls and women Hmm

sandelf · 10/04/2017 20:26

I'm much older than most on here and I can say for a fact this has always been going on. If you've not already done it, now is the time for the 'watch your back, do not be on your own with men' conversation. I know attacks are not our fault but better to look after oneself than have trouble. Also good idea when out at night to put long hair in a hat and wear flatties - less obvious one is female and easier to run. - I know some people will object to this but we have to live in the real world.

Dannythechampion · 10/04/2017 20:28

Had a similar experience last week.

Dropped DD3 (13) at outside a leisure centre for a bday disco party, her and her friend had to walk less than 200 yards down one side of the road to get there. Both in little black dresses and a bit of slap, both clearly 12/13 as in quite short, very slim, no bust/waist or hips to speak of, bunch of beery men from the pub opposite shouted remarks.

:(

Alyosha · 10/04/2017 20:29

I remember weird creepy male attention starting at about 11.

I'm now 28 and unfortunately it has not got any better!

On Sunday I wore a very modest (not that it should matter...) knee length, high necked dress, with low heels and tights.

Over the course of a 15 minute walk I had about 2 catcalls and one guy followed me for about 5 minutes on his bike making kissy noises, saying "hi, beautiful", all that crap. I screamed at him to fuck off, unfortunately that did not deter him! I eventually waited him out in a newsagent.

I really don't understand why people are so quick to dismiss OP's experiences? Surely almost every woman alive has experienced unwanted male attention at one time or another?

OP - I was too meek to respond to this kind of thing when I was young. Now I find it deeply cathartic to swear at the men who do this...

mumofone1234 · 10/04/2017 20:29

It's very disturbing that a lot of these leering men will have daughters. Makes me understand now why my mum used to say that I couldn't have sleepovers at my friends' houses where there was a man there. I get it now, I really do.

Alyosha · 10/04/2017 20:30

Last summer a man followed me around central London after asking me for directions - I went into Waterstones to throw him off, he then followed me around Waterstone badgering me for my number!

And honestly, I'm not really that much of a looker!

myshinynewusername · 10/04/2017 20:35

I once got groped by a man dressed in a Goofy costume at Disney Land during a special breakfast thing with the Disney Characters.

I was about 12 and my parents were sat right there with me and said nothing. :(

We also had loads of men slowing down their cars to leer at us on the way home from school as teenagers. All the girls at our school had the same problem.

Pigface1 · 10/04/2017 20:42

Also, for anyone else who doesn't believe this happens, anyone remember the attention Emma Watson got (from mainstream media, no less!!) between the ages of 12 and 15??

SpookyPotato · 10/04/2017 20:44

It's gross how some men are. I read recently that the police catch 600 new men every month who have been found to have images of children being abused on their computers. And that's just who is caught... I got far too much attention as an innocent 12 year old and it's disgusting.

crispandcheesesandwichplease · 10/04/2017 20:45

And Charlotte Church too Pigface. I do like your username btw!

OP posts:
Dannythechampion · 10/04/2017 20:46

The countdown to Charlotte Church's 16th Birthday in the Sun, yuk.

Or the photos of her in a bikini aged 15 under the headline in the star "she's chest swell" .

Or the pics of the Royal sisters in their bikinis aged 12 and 14, in the same copy of the Mail that lambasted Chris Morris for his Peadogeddon special of Brass Eye.

crispandcheesesandwichplease · 10/04/2017 20:53

Bonny seems to have disappeared. I don't mind a difference of opinion or experience but I object to being called a liar, and being lied about.

OP posts:
Taytocrisps · 10/04/2017 20:57

Two incidents come to mind:-

When I was about 13 I went to the beach with my family. I was exploring the sand dunes with my younger brother when an older man started reading the slogan on my t-shirt and commented on it (it was quite an innocuous slogan). The encounter made me very uncomfortable even though he didn't say anything rude or suggestive. I'm not sure if it was because he was scrutinizing my chest (and making it obvious) or because he was trying to engage me in conversation. I didn't say anything to my parents because I wasn't quite sure what to say but I had a horrible uneasy feeling for the rest of the day.

On another occasion, I was walking along the street with my friends when a group of men walked past us. We were about 14. One of the girls was a bit behind us and after a minute we realized that she was crying and visibly distressed. It turns out one of the men asked her, "How much do you charge, love?" We were too shocked to do anything other than try to comfort her and I'm sure they were counting on this. By the time we got home and told our parents, the men were long gone. And I'm not sure our parents would have done much anyway - probably just told us to ignore the nasty comment.

I've no reason to disbelieve the OP. She's an adult and I'm sure she knows the difference between a leer and a casual glance.

muttrat · 10/04/2017 21:01

I've never noticed any men leering at my dds. (18 and 14).

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 10/04/2017 21:22

That's how it should be muttrat

that should be what we all have experienced and what all girls and women experience freedom from being leered at, cat called and so on

But sadly we know it's not

TitaniasCloset · 10/04/2017 21:26

I think it is important to know if posters on this thread are male or female, because of the nature of the thread.

porterwine · 10/04/2017 21:38

muttrat point being?

rockcake · 10/04/2017 21:41

Can't believe anyone could doubt how widespread this kind of thing is - men leering at and perving over v young girls, 12-16 seems to be the target age group, or girls that look those ages, some can be considerably older or younger. It may only be a few vile men compared with the decent majority, but it's all too real, always has been, always will be. Ask anyone

crispandcheesesandwichplease · 10/04/2017 21:47

I agree Titania but don't know how possible that might be. I don't have a big issue with men coming on MN and stating they are men who are specifically seeking a female opinion on something. However I find it downright weird that men come on to lurk or pretend they are female. It's creepy.

OP posts:
muttrat · 10/04/2017 21:48

No point at all. It's just not something I've ever noticed.

Gileswithachainsaw · 10/04/2017 21:48

Can't believe anyone could doubt how widespread this kind of thing is - men leering at and perving over v young girls, 12-16 seems to be the target age group, or girls that look those ages, some can be considerably older or younger. It may only be a few vile men compared with the decent majority, but it's all too real, always has been, always will be. Ask anyone

I had a staff member at a holiday camp kiss me when I was 14/15

Therebwas no way he didn't know I was an underage teen. It was a venue for school/guide trips egg

Would someone like to tell me I am imagining things. His tongue was in my mouth. How could I misunderstand that?

Gileswithachainsaw · 10/04/2017 21:48

Egg?

Ffs

Stupid update autocorrect