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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

my 12 year old DD and unwanted male attention

452 replies

crispandcheesesandwichplease · 09/04/2017 14:51

I've posted before about my DD getting unwanted attention form adult men. She's 12, she's developing but doesn't wear make up or skimpy clothes. She doesn't look particularly older than she is.

Today we're down by the riverside having a picnic. She's wearing jeans and a t-shirt. We were sat reading and other people are around. A bloke, in his 40's I'd say, and 2 younger kids come and sit near us. The bloke immediately starts leering at my daughter. He sees me watching him look at her, I give him the Paddington bear hard stare. The kids he is with are messing about by the water and he's sorting them out with sun cream etc. He keeps looking over at my DD then at me, he knows I'm watching him.

After about 20 mins or so they gather their stuff to leave, he still keeps glancing at my daughter then at me. DD is oblivious to this, lost in her book. As they walk off I continue watching him, and he keeps turning round to look at my DD. Then, just before they disappear round the corner he turns to me and sticks his two fingers up at me!

Part of me was amused at his cheek but another part of me was furious. He was clearly letching at her and knew I'd clocked it, then he does that! What goes on in some men's head ffs???

OP posts:
BonnyScotland · 10/04/2017 19:48

Kerala1 ... apparently a beautiful safe and tranquil haven compared to my mumsnet peers locations Confused

crispandcheesesandwichplease · 10/04/2017 19:49

The use of the word 'astronomical' Bonny, can you defend it? I suspect you used the word to try and bolster your position in trying to paint me as some kind of liar or fantasist. But 3 episodes I've mentioned doesn't justify your use of the word. So..........I'm waiting for you to address my question.

OP posts:
TisapityshesaGeordie · 10/04/2017 19:49

Genuine question BonnyScotland - why don't you believe us? An awful lot of people on this thread have reported similar experiences.

Pigface1 · 10/04/2017 19:50

saggingninja you're so bang on with both the points you make - especially the first one.

It's misogyny in action - except it's women bloody doing it! Woman complains of man doing something wrong. Reaction: 'No, the man can't have done anything wrong. It's far more likely that the woman is lying/exaggerating/imagining it/asked for it in some way.'

crispsandcheese you're welcome although I am sorry that you had this nasty experience and have been met with equally nasty reactions online! Sad

BonnyScotland · 10/04/2017 19:52

hahahaaaaa Grin

mumofone1234 · 10/04/2017 19:53

That article is so eye-opening and true!

mumofone1234 · 10/04/2017 19:54

I've always wondered about the hairless vagina thing. It's weird when you stop and think about it.

crispandcheesesandwichplease · 10/04/2017 19:54

Is that genuinely your answer Bonny?! Is that because your comments were indefensible when challenged?

How very grown up you are!

OP posts:
mumofone1234 · 10/04/2017 19:55

We're not fussed about men shaving their bits. In fact it makes me laugh when they do it, thinking I'll find it erotic Hmm

mumofone1234 · 10/04/2017 19:56

BonnyScotland is most likely a man.

crispandcheesesandwichplease · 10/04/2017 19:57

mumofone I'm told by a close male gay friend that men do it to try and make their pork swords look bigger, truly!

OP posts:
BonnyScotland · 10/04/2017 19:57

I absolutely believe the experiences of the mature Lady posters ....

however... the OP has made so many allegations of such an extent ... every man is almost classed as a Predator ... which makes me wonder .... is the OP projecting her fears of abuse ... onto everyone around her ... ? Has she reported these many incidents to the Police ? if not ... why not ?

and just to be CLEAR ... no Child deserves to be inappropriately treated ... EVER ...

Pigface1 · 10/04/2017 19:57

Bonny I'm guessing you're from Scotland? Is it somewhere pretty rural?

This kind of thing definitely happens in Scotland as well I'm afraid - a friend of mine who went to St George's School (a girls' school in Edinburgh) was telling me just a couple of months back about a guy who used to hang out on the path near their school and masturbate.

IAmAmy · 10/04/2017 19:58

Though it's not my place to say, I don't personally feel there's much point engaging with BonnyScotland. What can you say to someone who for whatever reason won't accept so many instances of this happening and affecting so many girls and women?

BonnyScotland · 10/04/2017 19:59

mumof1234 is gender relevant ??????

mumofone1234 · 10/04/2017 20:00

The misogyny by women thing is the thing that has made me abandon caring about feminism. Ok, I do care, but I can't be arsed to argue the toss for people who don't care. It's too hard and I have other battles to fight, for people who want their lives to be better. I've had many an argument on here regarding these issues, and its depressing that the main opponents are the very people I am trying to stand up for.

crispandcheesesandwichplease · 10/04/2017 20:01

Bonny I've specified 3 incidents. Maintaining your rigid position and trying to make me out to be a liar is making you look like an idiot.

"The Op has made so many allegations of such an extent", can you please identify exactly where and how I've done this?

OP posts:
mumofone1234 · 10/04/2017 20:01

And they laugh and use sarcasm and try to belittle you. Proof indeed of their lack of intellect. The biggest feminists I know are the men in my life.

mumofone1234 · 10/04/2017 20:02

That's because she IS an idiot, crisp

NotYoda · 10/04/2017 20:02

It's the holidays. There are always goady fuckers on here willing to argue that black is white. Ignore them

mumofone1234 · 10/04/2017 20:03

Or he, or it

BonnyScotland · 10/04/2017 20:03

Not atall... your ranting and not being objective ... your emotionally involved and therefore not thinking rationally ...

ShoutOutToMyEx · 10/04/2017 20:05

My mum used to shout 'she's 12!' at men staring at me.

I remember cars beeping me in my school uniform from about 11. I fully believe the OP read the situation right.

porterwine · 10/04/2017 20:07

BonnyScotland I really hope you don't have kids... "Mum some creepy guy was eyeing me up on the train today. "Oh just ignore him darling he was probably daydreaming and happened to be looking in your direction!" Hmm You honestly sound like a complete victim blamer.

Lelleybells · 10/04/2017 20:09

I too have a 12 year old daughter. She does wear make up and has been known to rock a crop top too! It is still not ok for her to be subjected to dirty old man ogling her! I witness this all the time with her. We often run together and she wears shorts and a running vest. This is what she is comfortable in. She gets leered at by men in cars (nothing I can say as they are in cars) but I often stop and explain to men (in a very loud voice) it is not okay to pass comment, leer at or whistle at any woman! Let alone a 12 year old girl. It can be intimidating. Makes my blood boil!