my 12 year old DD and unwanted male attention

[crispandcheesesandwichplease]

I've posted before about my DD getting unwanted attention form adult men. She's 12, she's developing but doesn't wear make up or skimpy clothes. She doesn't look particularly older than she is.

Today we're down by the riverside having a picnic. She's wearing jeans and a t-shirt. We were sat reading and other people are around. A bloke, in his 40's I'd say, and 2 younger kids come and sit near us. The bloke immediately starts leering at my daughter. He sees me watching him look at her, I give him the Paddington bear hard stare. The kids he is with are messing about by the water and he's sorting them out with sun cream etc. He keeps looking over at my DD then at me, he knows I'm watching him.

After about 20 mins or so they gather their stuff to leave, he still keeps glancing at my daughter then at me. DD is oblivious to this, lost in her book. As they walk off I continue watching him, and he keeps turning round to look at my DD. Then, just before they disappear round the corner he turns to me and sticks his two fingers up at me!

Part of me was amused at his cheek but another part of me was furious. He was clearly letching at her and knew I'd clocked it, then he does that! What goes on in some men's head ffs???

Bruffin, ThrRealPooTroll, BonnyScotland - I'm awaiting your responses from earlier today.

BTW there's more people telling lies on here since you last posted.

I think the rude hand gesture confirmed your worst fears! Totally shameful behaviour. Hope you never see him again but if you do take a picture and send it to the police!

Yes .... Im struggling to believe the enormity of the scale on which the OP claims she has endured this issue ... so Yes .. I am sure it occurs ... but as your personal experiences seem to be on an astronomical scale .... Im sorry but I'd be afraid to let my kid over the door ...

BonnyScotland normalised sexual harassment springs to mind. It happens so often you have obviously become completely unaware of it.

Bonny lots of other posters have reported this happening to them frequently and persistently when they were younger. I wouldn't describe my experience as on an 'astronomical' scale. I've mentioned 3 specific incidents on here that happened within the last 9 months.

Thank you Porterwine, and the rest of the posters who believe me.

I've been thinking about this thread since reading it yesterday afternoon. I'm appalled that people on here are still doubting the OP (or outright calling her a liar!) Some of the comments directed towards her are frankly halfway between victim-blaming ('are you sure you didn't encourage him?') and gaslighting ('you were just imagining it'). I know some people may find this subject disturbing and unpleasant, not to mention difficult to accept - it's disgusting. But there is a bitter irony in a group of women subjecting the OP to this kind of treatment.

I've been thinking back to my own pre-teenage and early teenage years. The first unpleasant incident I can recall occurred when I was 10, was playing with a friend of the same age in the park on the swings, and a man started watching us and jerking off. I can also recall an awful incident on holiday when I was 11, being followed and harassed by a man in his 20s. I can then remember a number of more low-level leering incidents up until I was around 15. All occurred in situation where it would have been clear that I was under 16 - often when I was in school uniform or often when I was with my parents.

Then after 16 I seem to remember that it got much better, and after 18 better still. I still got catcalled and propostioned, but there were far fewer of these threatening, leering, lip-licking incidents.

Reading back up the thread I have seen that a couple of PP experienced the same thing.

So it makes me wonder what the reason for this behaviour in some men is. I wonder if it's less a sexual thing than a need to intimidate and exert power... I don't know.

Thank you, again pigface. I had no idea people would be so hostile, particularly when so many posters have disclosed similar experiences.

IAmAmy

My DD is thirteen and a few weeks ago I was sitting on the upper deck bus behind her. She was in her school uniform. A man in his 40s sat next to her, moving close in a deliberately provocative way (there was plenty of room) and asked her: 'Do you have a boyfriend because you're very sexy.'

This is similar to the first time it happened to me. A man of a similar age, well dressed in a suit (not that clothing matters, just to show it's not a particular stereotype of men who do this), whilst I was walking to school in school uniform, tapped me on the shoulder and told me I'd "tempt many boys" that day.

I am so sorry this happened to you Amy.

Did any of you watch that progamme about Stinson Hunter

Ignoring the ethics of paedophile trapping, what struck me was HOW MANY of these men there are. It was like shooting fish in a barrel.

And on a similar subject, whenever police do something similar, they say they only have to wait a few minutes until their 'underage girl leaving message' trap is flooded with responses.

catching paedophile online

crispandcheesesandwichplease unfortunately there are always those who dismiss this kind of thing for whatever reason. I'm very sorry this is happening to your daughter but unfortunately it doesn't surprise me, it's so commonplace - peering, comments, even photographs being taken as mentioned in that article. When it first started happening to me my father was shocked when I told him, my mother wasn't. He was and remains appalled by it, though (as she does obviously).

Thank you Saggingninja. It is abhorrent.

Op it happened to me and my dds always complain that men leer at the
While they were waiting for the school bus ffs!! Thry were 12/13.

It's vile and I know neither my dh or dss would do it

It's always happened, and in my experience it was worse when I was younger - between the years of about 12-16. I used to wear the baggiest clothes imaginable and still was harassed. I was a very young looking teen and that seemed to make them worse.

The father of friends we made on holiday was biggest creep, asking really personal questions, making sleazy comments and trying to hug us. I still can't believe that my parents didn't say anything to him. It was quite clear what he was doing and I was really uncomfortable around him, but was told I was being rude by trying to keep away. I wish my parents had reacted more like you OP. It felt like they didn't give a shit, quite frankly.

In their defence they were bloody good usually, not really sure why they let this creep in.

crispandcheesesandwichplease

Who needs mysogyny when we have so many mumsnetters keen to do the 'job' for them? I'm shocked at the lack of support and willingness to believe that leering over a child is some sort of 'mistake'.

It also makes me snort. Whenever men want to justify really shitty behaviour, they usually resort to some half-baked interpretation of biology (of the 'I am a lion really and therefore want to 'mate' with a young cub' variety).

Thanks sagging. I'm still waiting for BonnyScotland to explain why she described my claims as on an 'astronomical' scale.

This thread has made me remember my teenage years! I remember the leering and catcalling and being stopped in the street. I thought it was because I lived in London (because it stopped when I moved away...but by then I was in my twenties). The men were always older...ranging from early twenties up to their forties. I used to hate walking down the street, and felt very exposed and vulnerable.

It was practically on a daily basis too BonnyScotland

This happens a hell of a lot. I've walked through my town centre with female friends, and if we ever have one of their daughters with us - 13/14 - the groups of men who hang around start to act like it's feeding time at the zoo.

I used to be subscribed to a man on YT who puts out daily vlogs. One day he was in a supermarket with a couple of male friends and as they walked past an obviously underage blonde girl, she looked to be 12/13, one of them turned towards his friend with a blatant leering expression that immediately disappeared when he remembered his friend was holding a camera.

That schoolgirl fantasy isn't just about short skirts and school ties...

OP have you read this? Everyone should read this-

www.feministcurrent.com/2015/09/28/youve-heard-of-rape-culture-but-have-you-heard-of-pedophile-culture/

pigface I think you are right about the age thing, a younger girl is less likely to challenge or know how to handle such behaviour so they are easier targets than adult women. Cowardice in the extreme.

I remember when I was still in Junior school some weirdo stopped me and told me I had something on the back of my jeans. Then he 'rubbed it off' the back of my jeans...on my bum. Dirty bastard. The fact that I can remember it now, almost three decades later, attests to the fact that I knew it wasn't right. It scares me to think that he could have dragged me away that day. He was either mentally ill, or a paedaophile to accost a ten year old girl in the street like that.

Can't believe the doubters on here! They obviously live in very quiet backwaters. When we lived in London my DD and her friends were constantly harassed (part of the reason we moved in the end) it made being independent difficult. My DD was skinny and not "developed" but the first time she got the bus to the local library at age 11 a guy hit on her! The workers in the local restaraunt at the corner of our road used to try and engage her in coversation - stand en masse in front of her and made comments as she walked by - it was awful!

When she went to the local kiddies playpark with 2 of her friends and their young siblings they were propositioned for oral sex and followed into the park. If her and her friends wanted to go to the high street to the local cinema/shops they had to walk the gauntlet of men in butcher shops and those sitting outside cafes trying to shout at them, lure them over . It was absolutelyrelentless and these were Year 6 and 7 kids!! in a so called desirable, "naice" area (£1 million + houses).

I or another mum had to follow behind when they were in a group and give the creeps a "piece of our minds" about the men's disrepect. We even went en masse to talk to local business owners - useless.
We(the mums) started to record the abuse. However, in the end we moved and it was such a relief.

Well done saggy.

Bonny what happy planet do you live on?

I was leered at from 14 -23 too many instances to recount. Interested in the tips on how to deal I think filming them and telling them they will be reported as paedos is a good tip. My dds 10 and 8 the 8 year old very conventionally attractive already I dread this for them used to make me so uncomfortable.

joystir thanks for the link. Interesting and I completely agree with the author.

BonnyScotland where are you?

Im here .... scanning the streets outside my windows for rampant perverts

Well I've had a good read of the thread and am still in the 'can't believe it' camp as in "I am horrified and this shouldn't be happening at all" thought process.

I guess it was easier to discount one or two experiences as anomaly / rare events but to read about so many is really terrible. Are very frustrating.

:-(