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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to social media until secondary school?

139 replies

Dancergirl · 06/04/2017 20:20

Dd is 10, Year 5. Some of her friends are now using social media such as musical.ly, Instagram and Snapchat. Dd is asking me if she can too but I feel uncomfortable about it as I think it's too young. I don't see the rush to start.

I've said no to any social media until secondary school. AIBU?

OP posts:
Cocklodger · 06/04/2017 21:13

Don't do it. Too many kids fall predator to paedophiles and grooming gangs online. ive also seen stuff like dead people and animals. Very emotive things etc, on Facebook. Despite only adding people I know and being a pretty safe user of Facebook. I've seen reasonably distressing things on instagram too, and snapchat is a breeding ground for groomers and paedophiles since all messages automatically delete and can't be brought back.
Kids adding people they know doesn't always work either, since their friend or a friends friend will often be unsupervised totally and have a "really cool" friend that they think their friend will love... and so the lines are blurred. No child of mine will even have a device capable of going on the internet let alone social media accounts before they are at least 14/15. Other than the family computer, which would be for homework purposes only and supervised totally... I don't understand the rush to get kids on social media these days.

metalmum15 · 06/04/2017 21:15

Eldest was not allowed Instagram until the end of year 7, despite all her friends being on it. She only has a handful of followers and personally knows every one of them. Haven't allowed snapchat since she's told me several instances of 'dick pics' being sent to friends. To be honest, she'd rather spend her time watching random YouTube videos than messaging friends.

Youngest (year 4) keeps asking when she can get a phone. Told her it'll be a while yet 😁

JigglyTuff · 06/04/2017 21:17

I am doing the same

StrugglingSevens · 06/04/2017 21:23

Yika tha is very sensible. I would actually say no internet without supervision until teens too.

Yika · 06/04/2017 21:42

Hard to say if people follow it, I think we are all (as a society) still finding our way with social media. I like that the age guidelines are memorable, hope they will become well embedded in public consciousness over time.

topcat2014 · 06/04/2017 21:45

Just been to an internet safety event at the school - it was a lot to take in. It wasn't all doom and gloom, more about keeping a conversation going with your child. They recommended K9 internet filter - which is free- which I will try out.

Ameliablue · 06/04/2017 21:47

I allow Snapchat but not Instagram. One reason is that at pre teen age she understands that i will monitor use and set rules so teach her to use them responsibly but i reckon by 13 she will want more privacy so it will be harder to monitor.

Voice0fReason · 06/04/2017 22:37

My dad is a policeman. He never talks about his work, but he made me promise last month not to let the kids on social media until they are 18.
I'd probably hang on until they are yr6 or yr7. No social media until they are 18 is downright stupid.
I also believe in teaching them how to use it rather than banning it. It's a lot easier to supervise a 10 year old as they play around with Facebook for the first time, than it is to tell a 16+ year old how to keep themselves safe.

metalmum15 · 07/04/2017 07:10

Voice I agree. Teach your children the dangers early on and educate them that although the Internet is a fantastic tool it can also be dangerous so they need to be aware. Schools regularly teach this too.

How can you ban anyone until they're 18?! At 16 I had a full time job, at 17 I had my own car and basically lived my own life. ...there was no Internet then but if there was there is no way my parents could have kept me off it!

Coulddowithanap · 07/04/2017 08:54

To those of you who have let your 9/10 year olds use facebook, do you realise that when they are 14/15 they will see all the advertising/content that is aimed at 18 year olds as facebook will thing they are 18!

corythatwas · 07/04/2017 08:57

We stuck to the 13 guidelines with Facebook etc. Was surprised to see how very strongly my older teen agreed when it came to her little brother, not from any meanness or why-should-he-when-I-wasn't-allowed (she's not like that), but out of genuine concern and awareness.

19lottie82 · 07/04/2017 08:58

promise not to let the kids on social media until they are 18.

That's utterly ridiculous, and non realistic sorry. I hope you didn't agree?

Willyoujustbequiet · 07/04/2017 09:18

Dd is nearly 11. She has been on instagram and whatsapp since the start of year 5.

It helps her enormously socially which she struggles with in general. I police it very strictly. No adults accepted or followed. All private.

I was in two minds but tbh but her teacher said it isolates kids when all their friends are on but they aren't.

itsmine · 07/04/2017 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

metalmum15 · 07/04/2017 09:36

The majority of Facebook ads are taken from your browsing history (which the ad companies will already have, remember there's not really much privacy on the Internet 😉) so shouldn't be massively harmful for kids. Let's face it, a quick Google search can bring up a lot worse. I've been on Facebook for years and get nothing more than ads for Amazon products, holiday companies and clothing sites.

Bantanddec · 07/04/2017 09:44

Yanbu why the fuck would a year 5 need to be on social media.

wifeyhun · 07/04/2017 09:49

YANBU keep them off social media for as long as possible.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 07/04/2017 10:02

The problem I have found with sites like roblox which have a chat feature, is that despite drilling into my children not to make identifying statements, give out age, name, town where they live anything at all. They have friends in school who use the sites and might say "hi bigmouthdd2, see you at school" then the whole anonymity thing is lost. Very frustrating.

I am trying to keep my dds away from sm completely they are y3 and y6. Ds is y8 and has no interest in sm at all, he shares no personal info on gaming sites, blocks people who attempt to talk personally and is very safety aware. One of the benefits of his Aspergers combined with introversion is a desire to follow the rules he has set for online interaction and no interest in seeking 'friends' online.

The no social media till 13 rule is what I am aiming for but there are some sites like roblox that have a social side I have to monitor. But my dds tend to talk to me if they are concerned and ask me to put filters on their devices to limit access to things they don't want to see. So far we have been ok I try to ensure they are not scared to talk to me.

Voice0fReason · 07/04/2017 10:22

To those of you who have let your 9/10 year olds use facebook, do you realise that when they are 14/15 they will see all the advertising/content that is aimed at 18 year olds as facebook will thing they are 18!
I have never seen anything that shocking advertised on FB. What 18 rated advertising is there? Most of it is driven by your internet use anyway.
Most kids update their DOB every year on FB until they are 13, so that's not even an issue.
And in comparison to the rest of the internet, with correct guidance, FB is a relatively safe place.

Mulledwine1 · 07/04/2017 10:29

DS is 14 and still not using social media. That's not because I have banned it, but because he's not interested.

He did have an Instagram account for a while but got bored and deleted it.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 07/04/2017 11:12

It's difficult when all their friends seem to have it but I don't think yabu. There's so much bullying and grooming going on online and most children are not mature enough to deal with it at that age. I won't be letting dd have it until she's 13 and I'll have the password too and all the privacy settings will be on. Maybe I'm OTT but if it means keeping my kids safe so be it. You'd never forgive yourself if something untoward happened

balence49 · 07/04/2017 11:19

I have a girl in yr 5. She's never asked about this, proberbly knows the answer will be a big fat no for a good few years yet.
Tho there is a few in her class that I imagine are. They are the same kids that dance around the school disco in heels, full make up and crop tops. Judge away at me for judging. And tell me I'm wrong.

BubbleBed · 07/04/2017 11:19

My cousin uses Instagram. She's 11. And it's clearly not monitored as the stuff she is pouting and posing and writing is awful.

DS is 10. He has WhatsApp to keep in touch with friends. And Snapchat to send silly messages to me. But thats it. And i check his phone every couple of days. He's losing interest in it already though tbh.

Original poster
Dancergirl · 07/04/2017 11:48

I was in two minds but tbh but her teacher said it isolates kids when all their friends are on but they aren't

Shock So the school are encouraging it? Saying it's ok for children to lie about their age?

OP posts:
BroomstickOfLove · 07/04/2017 11:54

Balance, in DD's case you are wrong. The girls on the social media site popular in DD's class include those girls, but also the church-going, violin-playing, Boden-wearing daughters of doctors and university lecturers.