"Well of course I was going to tell BF"

[WarwickDavisAsPlates]

I originally wrote quite a long post detailing the entire situation and how this came up but it got too long.

So basically what I want to know is: if a friend told you something and said "but please don't tell anyone" would you think that included your OH?

Wow so many gossips here. It's not keeping a secret from your oh if it's about your friends. Why use your friends secrets, problems as chat fodder. Do your friends know you go running home to blab all to your partners? Yikes I'm sat next to couple of my friends and yes we know someone in our group is gossip she she never knows anything other than superficial blabber the others I absolutely trust wouldn't tell a soul and neither would I they are so important to me I wouldn't betray their trust and cause then hurt all for the sake of needing something to talk about with oh.

It would be a shame to lose a friend, but my DH will always be more important so it would be just one of those things
I am truly baffled by this. You would rather sacrifice a friend (one close enough to tell you personal and important secrets) than not tell your husband that secret, a secret that I understand you want to share (because you share everything) but which it is isn't necessary to share? It's all so pointless.

I hate my phone sorry for the errors

Watch howl soar I had the exact same thought as you. I think if Ellie had said to me "of course you can DH if it comes up" then I might have done. But she said "please don't tell anyone" so I took that very literally and wouldn't tell anyone at all. TBH I even felt a little guilty talking to Sarah about it without Ellie there as I felt it was our place to support her not talk about her.

I have no idea why Sarah told her BF (I say BF but they have been together about... 5 years) I don't think he needed to know at all, it's not something really bad like an affair or a DV situation so it's not like there's any danger to Ellie (or Rob I suppose) which is really the only reason I might tell DH so he could be forewarned that I'd offered her a place to stay or something.

MaidOfStars No, it's okay! Though I'm off to work now so can't answer any more questions until I get back tonight

I do pretty much tell him everything; giving him a blow by blow account of the evening. Just because I want him to know how my night went. He doesn't ask, I just get home and tell him about the evening.

MaidOfStars

Yes.

including but not limited to:
how are the kids wouldn't mention, DH very unlikely to care or even know who kids are
a new pair of jeans that were a bargain DH would not care, might come up if I say I might go and buy a jean in that place because they are a bargain there husband still wouldn't care
a problem at work on a sensitive issue ("Don't tell anyone") would probably mention to have DH opinion on the subject
whether you prefer fruit-based or cream-based cocktails wouldn't even remember that after I finish my drink
isn't avocado disgusting I like avocado
the Syrian conflict is terrible probably discussing subject with husband already, my friend's opinion would likely not come up.
a GP appointment for unexpected bleeding ("Don't tell anyone") Depends. Wouldn't tell for the sake of telling, but would probably mention " I am very worried for friend, she's going to GP, hope she is ok and nothing serious.

I do pretty much tell him everything; giving him a blow by blow account of the evening
Out of interest, does he want to know the entire evening's conversation?

My husband hides his complete disinterest under the guise of respecting my personal space I can go out and he will not have a clue, nor care, which friends I was with, what I ate, and where I ended up for that last G&T, let alone what we talked about. Although my friends and I tend to spend most nights naval gazing, which sometimes throws up interesting ethical/political/philosophical questions that I might pose to him.

Yes of course. My DP is another individual person.

MaidOfStars No, he doesn't! But he listens while I ramble on; I just like him to know what I've experienced.

I must be a bit odd cause I don't feel the need to tell my DH everything and I don't expect him to tell me everything either and we have managed to be together for 25 years . If I meet up with a friend for a chat I don't go home and tell my DH word for word everything that we said some of which may be about our DH's my DH would have thought I'd gone bonkers and also if I am just going to tell him everything he may as well just come along.
I'm amazed that pp's would.
This goes doubly for anything a friend asked me not to share.
It if was something that would affect him then yes I would tell him but if a friend told me something in confidence I wouldn't tell anyone including my DH.
If I told a friend something in confidence I would have previously assumed they knew that included their partner, if I ever am in the position again I would specify that it included their partner or actually more likely just not tell them at all.

Depends on the information and who it affects.

For something like a girl friends relationship difficulties I wouldn't tell anyone including dh as it doesn't affect him in anyway, its personal and idle gossip. Especially if he knew the friends partner.

If someone had told me (for example) dh's sister had an affair/broke the law/had health issues affecting her wellbeing etc I would tell dh (or give the person or dsis the opportunity to tell him first) because I would not be comfortable knowing when he didn't.

This has been quite an eye opener, I'm a little shocked that so many of you are willing to betray a confidence especially that of a friend.
I almost see it as taking someone's power away from them if you see what I mean.
If you have an issue sometimes the only power you have in a situation is who you decide to trust enough tell. If that person then goes around telling people after you specifically asked them not to they remove the power for you to control who knowledge about your private business.
I also think that people that do this are more concerned with themselves than what their friends are going through.

I wouldn't generally tell my dh given he is a separate human being to me and he wouldn't expect me to routinely pass on my friends' confidences.

The exception has been when someone told me something that I needed his support to deal with and breaking the confidence was the best of the options I felt I had.

I tell him nothing. And I even need to say to him not to say things if it's about us and very personal. He is a frightful gossip and over sharer.

He has on occasion in the past divulged things that he has heard from others, not me, then I have been on the end of someone's anger, note..me..not the gossiping man because you know, only women gossip.

It depends on the context. Id usually share things with my DH unless i sensed that maybe the person wouldnt want me to in which case i would specifically ask. But i wouldnt automatically assume that if they said 'dont share this with anyone' that included my husband, no.
If i shared something with a friend and i didnt want their partner to know about it i would specifically say 'dont tell anyone, not even your partner' because i do think in most cases the assumption is that committed couples do share most things with each other unless asked not to specifically.
I would also share it even if i had been asked not to if i thought it would be in my DHs best interest for me to do so. But i would make sure that the friend knew i was doing this and why.

you also have to judge it on what your DP is like. If hes a massive gossip then no!
My husband would never tell anything i tell him to anyone and so id feel pretty comfortable discussing things with him that should go no further.

I really can't understand how not telling my husband a friends personal business - which is of no importance to him - could ever be seen as keeping a secret from him.

What happens if a friend, say, rings up to cancel coffee because she had a dodgy kebab and has the squits?

'Guess what Larry! Jenny has diarrhoea'
DH: 'Why do you keep telling me these things? '
'But we share everything remember?'

I have been party to information that I have not shared with DH, but other times I have told him. It very much depends on the information.

Recently someone told DH something with the proviso to please not tell anyone except me, which I thought was quite sweet.

Question for all the people saying that they do tell their OHs everything. How would you feel if you lost your friend because of this?
Honestly I would think she was a right drama queen.

If you don't want anyone to know, maybe don't tell anyone in the first place.

Or at least don't tell me .

I'd tell him but make sure he knew not to let on. Most of my friends and family would assume I'd told him anyway x

Honestly I would think she was a right drama queen.

that!