"Well of course I was going to tell BF"

[WarwickDavisAsPlates]

I originally wrote quite a long post detailing the entire situation and how this came up but it got too long.

So basically what I want to know is: if a friend told you something and said "but please don't tell anyone" would you think that included your OH?

The thought that a friend would discuss a problem I'd confided in them with their partner horrifies me. If I'd never met their partner and wasn't likely to it would be one thing, but what if that partner wasn't a real friend to you? That's a huge betrayal.

Yes I would know that meant a partner.

Keeping other people's secrets isn't keeping secrets from your OH if it's got nothing to do with them.

I think it's a huge betrayal of trust to tell anyone something she has told you in confidence and asked you not to repeat it to anyone, in my book this includes my dh. If a friend wants my dh to know she will speak to us both.

My boyfriend and I are a team. Doesn't mean I'd sell my friend down the river for him though. Ugh.

It would very much depend on what it was. Like if my friend told me she was pregnant but not telling people yet, I would tell him. If she told me she was having a personal medical problem I would not. I tell him most things, I know he would never tell anyone else if I asked him not to, but if it was something very obviously personal and confidential I would keep it to myself.

If told not to tell anyone I'll still tell my wife. Telling me is telling her, and I can trust her absolutely not to tell anyone else.

If told not to tell anyone including my wife then I won't tell her.

I would and have told my DH but he has never gossiped and never would.

In the past I've been glad I told him, someone very close to me was going through something awful at the hands of a man and if I hadn't told my DH about what had been going on he wouldn't have known for when he'd witnessed something(whilst I wasn't there)that it was part of a bigger picture.

It also helped when the fucking arse attacked her that my DH knew the back story when he called the Police(he's a Police officer himself)he was able to get someone round there within minutes and we got there just after the Police to look after my friend.

I think it honestly depends what the situation is and what your DH/OH is like.With relationship problems no I don't think your friend needed to tell her boyfriend at all!

I think its much more childish to not be able to keep personal information to yourself rather than keeping a secret.
Doesn't matter wether the partners doesn't care/doesn't listen properly or whatever. If a friend asks you to keep something to yourself keep your damn mouth shut or tell them you're incapable of not sharing everything with someone else

It's not about trusting your partner not to say anything, it's about the person whose issue it is not wanting anyone to know.

I assume when I say something to a person, I'm also telling their partner iyswim. If there was a reason why I didn't want the partner to know, I'd say 'told tell xxx either'.

For the most part, I'd find it odd to keep secrets from my partner.

Silly little biscuit I have to agree with you.

I know if I'd have told DH he wouldn't have said anything but my friend told me, not my DH.

She trusted me to not tell anyone the same way people here are trusting their OHs.

I know I won't be confiding in Sarah again that's for sure. I've told her a lot of personal things, mostly about my MH issues, now I can't help but worry if her BF knows. Even though he's in the same friendship group he's not really my friend or Ellie's either.

I'm currently single, and sometimes I might ask friends to keep something confidential, or not tell anyone.

I expect that they won't tell a new partner, i.e. someone they're just dating, casually seeing, getting to know etc, and would be cross if they did.

I don't expect them to keep secrets from spouses or long-term partners. I expect the spouse or partner not to bring up the subject with me, or allude to it - after all, if I'd wanted to tell them, I could have done! But I don't expect it to be kept a secret from them.

Seems overall to be more in favour of telling OHs... I have to say this is a real eye opener.

I don't like secrets, and I am glad I am in a relationship with my best friend. It sounds corny and stupid, but it's true. I don't gossip, I respect people's privacy absolutely and I am the last person who would spread confidence. I just wouldn't want to hide something from my DH, why should I?
If you take the example of "relationship problems", I would probably just mention that, without going into details. I would tell him someone has serious health issues, but doesn't want to discuss it. I would not go into full details, but we just talk. "I have seen so and so for a drink, he wanted to talk about ..., don't ask".
We have our own lives, our own friends and hobbies, but we talk. The idea of "secret" is weird.

I tell my husband most things but I think it depends on the information. If it's just general gossip we talk about it but if it's deeply personal he doesn't need to know.

Oh I would absolutely tell my DH. We don't have secrets from one another so I tell him everything.

He wouldn't tell anyone, though, which is why it doesn't matter if I do tell him.

Spread but don't you think it'd matter to the person who told you?

I do usually tell my partner. But he is a grumpy old sod that doesn't talk to people anyway. I never do if it is intimate or something that would colour his opinions of them as it's not for him. But if it's 'I met someone and did something crazy. Don't tell anyone', id probably go home and tell him! He doesn't care and probably doesn't hear a word anyway.

it would depend on what it was, and if i agreed with the need for secrecy.

If it's something that will make me feel uncomfortable in my own relationship then i tell DH as he is my sanity check in a way.

I respect people's privacy
I just wouldn't want to hide something from my DH
These two statements seem so incompatible (and that's not to pick on Photo specifically; it represents a running theme for many posters).

He wouldn't tell anyone, though, which is why it doesn't matter if I do tell him
It's not about whether the secret is shared further (although that's important). It's about respecting the privacy of the person who shared their secret with you.

WarwickDavisAsPlates No, because they'd never find out that DH knew so they'd be none the wiser. It wouldn't effect the way he was with them (if he even knew them).

Spread but isn't it more about doing the right thing than being seen to do the right thing?

You know like... you could kick a puppy and no one would find out but you probably wouldn't do it.

Not picking on you spread just asking.

I tell DH but he doesn't care/listen/remember

If I tell DM something I have to specify that I don't want her best friend to know. I think most people have one person who doesn't really count.