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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re Wedding Invite

78 replies

AppleShampoo · 06/04/2017 06:58

My boyfriend of nearly four years was invited to one of his friend's wedding. The invite came through last year with only his name on it.

I totally accept that a couple have a limited number of people that they can invite to their wedding and I am not particularly close to this couple so I just assumed that I wasn't invited but I was still a tiny bit upset at being left out, as I would have loved to help them celebrate their big day.

I got the feeling that my boyfriend didn't really want me there from the start, as when I expressed disappointment that I hadn't been invited he said something along the lines of 'well you wouldn't go anyway'. This is not true - I would have gone and enjoyed myself as I love happy days such as weddings.

I don't know if this was his clumsy way of trying to make me feel better. Anyway, I quickly accepted the situation and got on with my life.

However, a message came through from the groom yesterday asking my boyfriend if I was coming to the wedding (which is Saturday). Without even asking me, my boyfriend has replied that I have other things on and won't be able make it!

I don't have any plans. I think it's a bit odd that he has responded (knowing that I was disappointed not to get an invite in the first place) saying I can't attend without even discussing this with me.

Am I over-reacting or does he clearly just not want me there?

OP posts:
Chloe84 · 06/04/2017 07:01

He doesn't want you there. I would have to know why.

Creampastry · 06/04/2017 07:02

He clearly doesn't want you there..... bit of a red flag. Did you ask BF why he said you have things on? Makes you look a bit up your arse if you can't be bothered to go to the weddings because you "have things on".... as your BF has gone down this route.

disappearingfish · 06/04/2017 07:02

He doesn't want you there. But TBH I would be a bit Hmm at the last minute invitation.

Your BF might even have asked the groom not to invite you.

How is your relationship with your BF generally?

booloobalooloo · 06/04/2017 07:02

You're not over reacting. I'd be asking him why. Though, how do you know about the message? Seems rather mean if he told you, knowing that you want to go....

Ifailed · 06/04/2017 07:04

Spend Saturday finding another BF.

Shurleyshummishtake · 06/04/2017 07:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wellitwouldbenice · 06/04/2017 07:10

Why doesn't he want you there? Who's going to be there? Hmm

taraboomdeyay · 06/04/2017 07:10

YADNBU. Four year relationship + invite interference = lack of respect for your relationships and therefore a major problem for you. Look for the presence at the wedding of a crush, an ex girlfriend or mates that BF socialises with without you. Sorry, OP.

taraboomdeyay · 06/04/2017 07:11

Cross posts with two previous!

skerrywind · 06/04/2017 07:20

Did you see the original invite?
How do you know the groom your BF got this last message from the groom? Did you overhear or did BF tell you?

I would be digging deeper on this- sounds like there is some reason he wants to be seen as single at this wedding.

healthyheart · 06/04/2017 07:22

What Ifailed said!

KeiraH · 06/04/2017 07:22

He doesn't want you there and I would want to know why. Totally disrespectful and not something I d put up with. Have you asked him for his reasons?

Agerbilatemycardigan · 06/04/2017 07:23

He really doesn't want you to go to this wedding OP. If this were my OH I'd have some serious questions about my relationship.

LineysRun · 06/04/2017 07:24

How did the message arrive?

WateryTart · 06/04/2017 07:25

Well, he obviously doesn't want you there. I'd be asking him why. I think you were invited but he didn't tell you.

LagunaBubbles · 06/04/2017 07:25

I'm sorry he clearly doesn't want you there.

WateryTart · 06/04/2017 07:25

Oh, and I'd be going as well.

Purplepicnic · 06/04/2017 07:27

Agree with others, he doesn't want you there. He's also made you look bad to his friends, although they were a bit vague/last minute with the invite situation.

You should just ask him why he doesn't want you there.

BumbumMcTumtum · 06/04/2017 07:27

I think he (BF) didn't think to ask you when the groom asked. I reckon it's thoughtless more than not wanting you there.

FluffyWhiteTowels · 06/04/2017 07:27

He clearly and very definitely doesn't want you there. He is comfortable making decisions about you. He doesn't care how his decisions make you look to others ... in this case would make you look awful when socialising in future years with the couple.

Do you really see a future with him ? Do you feel loved and adored and cherished?

Sorry but I think you're at a crossroad ... stay in relationship and be trodden on until he decides to finally leave or open you eyes to the world around you, embrace each new day and go out and be truly happy without him.

elQuintoConyo · 06/04/2017 07:28

Rather arseholeish behaviour!

I'd spend Saturday packing up his crap into binbags and dropping it round his mum's.

Livelovebehappy · 06/04/2017 07:32

Did you see the oringinal invite? I think you may have been his plus one all along but he didn't want you there so told you you weren't invited. I really don't think someone would invite people last minute to a wedding as generally numbers are decided and paid for well before the wedding. I would have to confront him, as he doesn't sound that committed to your relationship.

LindyHemming · 06/04/2017 07:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gamerchick · 06/04/2017 07:40

I'd be wondering who was going he didn't want me around that's for sure.

It's more likely he just wants a piss up with his mates but either way I'd want to know why. Are you especially clingy or something?

Original poster
AppleShampoo · 06/04/2017 07:44

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I did see the original invite and it definitely only had his name on.

I found out about the text message because he told me. He then said he'd told them I had other things on. I didn't say anything at the time but I've stewed all night and am now in a bit of a temper about it all.

I will have to calm down before I can speak to him about it otherwise we aren't going to achieve anything.

PPs are correct though, it does make me look like a bit of a knob though his reply.

He had arranged to go to the party with his friend who is absolutely awful (think prostitute use, having affairs and general sustained misogyny and you have him).

The last time my boyfriend and this man went out for drinks, the friend was talking loudly about the physical attributes of nearby females and one heard him and came over and slapped the friend. So I think he just wants the opportunity to leer at women with his mate without the inconvenience of me being there.

I'm not sure why my invite is so last minute. Perhaps they just assumed I would be coming as his plus 1. I don't know. Presumably arrangements have already been made for numbers as there is a sit down meal in the afternoon.

OP posts:
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