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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I drink too much?

321 replies

user1491413344 · 05/04/2017 18:35

I drink a bottle of wine every night. DH says this is too much and thinks I should stop.

Is it too much? Thought it was okay.

OP posts:
cowgirlsareforever · 05/04/2017 20:40

A friend of mine is a health professional and says drinking is a huge problem in the UK. The biggest obstacle to solving this problem is the fact that because so many people drink excessively there's an assumption that it must be ok to drink so much. It very much isn't.
OP, I really hope you manage to overcome your problems.

Happyhippy45 · 05/04/2017 20:41

How many glasses do you have per night?
When I was having trouble cutting down I diluted my (red) wine with a bit of water (lemonade would be nice) so I was still having 3 of my regular glasses, they just weren't filled with 100% wine.
I got used to having less alcohol this way, making it easier to cut back.

StarryIllusion · 05/04/2017 20:44

Op I don't want to frighten you but your liver cannot be appreciating that. That is a huge amount. I am a social drinker more than anything else, I don't drink often. You have more in a week than I have in a year.

I think you ought to cut down a little at a time. Start by making a bottle last 2 days instead of 1. Cut down by a glass at a time. Then pick a day that you are not going to drink on, say Wednesdays.

Find another way to relax, preferably one that occupies your hands. Start reading a good book series or watching a box set. Play a game. Doesn't have to be anything intensive. I've often found my Nephews Pokemon games on the DS quite diverting when I just want my brain to switch off. Don't underestimate the therapeutic value of raising a team of cute little creatures and pitting them against gobby baddies in an epic battle. Grin That was actually how I stopped my hair pulling habit because it took both hands to play it.

Try writing? I like to do a bit of writing. Haven't got the energy after a long day or the time to even contemplate a novel so stick to smutty
fanfiction mostly but it's still a nice relaxing outlet. Quite like reading it too if I can find an archive that has some well written stuff.

Are you arty at all? Maybe do a bit of drawing. Adult colouring book?

Learn an instrument?

Littleelffriend · 05/04/2017 20:45

I'm exactly the same as you. I don't feel drunk after it. My oh works away and I have an 11 month old. I can't have a bubble bath because the bathroom is next to her room. I can't go for a walk, I can't exercise (because it would wake her and I exercise during the day). I am not creative. I am so bored in the evening.

nauticant · 05/04/2017 20:52

It's far too much OP. You're probably damaging your health but if you start moderating the amount you could end up back in normal health.

You don't necessarily have to give up completely. If you got into a position of a single bottle over a couple of nights with 5 nights off a week you'd find your sleep improves significantly, your mood and energy levels will lift, and drinking will probably become enjoyable again.

Think about improving your health OP and good luck.

Highmaintenancefemalestuff · 05/04/2017 21:00

I usually have 1 glass or 1/2 a glass each night, sometimes a cup of tea instead.
The glass lasts me from kids bedtime at 7.30 til around 11. Even then I sometimes end up pouring a small amount away.
I thought that was a lot but I've never drank a full bottle.

BlueFolly · 05/04/2017 21:09

I came on here to say 'if you need to ask, then the answer is yes.'

I used to drink a bottle of wine a night. Every night. Then it started that I just started sneakily opening the next nights bottle and having a glass of that too. I knew it was too much. It helped me relax.

Then I got pregnant and the enforced abstinence broke the spell and now I drink only occasionally.

Instasista · 05/04/2017 21:16

"Op I don't want to frighten you but your liver cannot be appreciating that. That is a huge amount. I am a social drinker more than anything else, I don't drink often. You have more in a week than I have in a year."

I don't want to Minimise what the OP is asking an applaud her for her bravery in posting this. But I don't think posts like this help or are accurate.

Again, I don't mean to minimise. I know a fair amount about alcohol addiction but am not a medic. Livers really are very resilient. Whilst it's not unheard of to get liver damage at any amount it's really not common to see it in what would honestly be termed as a moderate drinker (and I'm not saying that's good- you have to consider what it's compared too) I don't think hyperbole is going to help the OP and may simply scare her

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 05/04/2017 21:20

It's a huge amount but lots do it. The amount of people that drink alcohol daily and think it's normal is astounding. It always normalises it for children.

LuxuryWoman2017 · 05/04/2017 21:29

It's a lot and I used to drink the same if not more.
I've quit wine now and feel like a different person. Not had a glass of wine in 97 days.
You'll get a very warm welcome on the Brave Babes thread if you want to quit. I'm not sure from your post if you want to?

I can only tell you my experience which is
I didn't know how crap I'd been feeling until I stopped, I feel brand new now. It's been quite a revelation tbh.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 05/04/2017 21:30

It really is half term ! 🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷

muttrat · 05/04/2017 21:42

Of course people ignore government guidelines. Who lives their life by government guidelines?

So people literally don't realise 84 units of alcohol a week might be bad for you? They have to ask on mumsnet? Despite health guidelines saying that 14 units is recommended? That's bollocks is it?

madein1995 · 05/04/2017 21:43

Hi OP, this time last year I was drinking two bottles most night, often with vodka as well. I've cut down a lot now, I drink appx. 1-3 bottles a week and that's the fruity wine stuff that's 5.5% so quite low alcohol. Don't get me wrong, it is tough - even now when I've had a bad day I'm fighting not to reach for the wine - but it is doable. 'AIBU' isn't the most supportive place and please don't feel judged. If you do want to stop, or even cut down, there's a braves babes thread and a dry thread and you'll get lots of support and cwtches over there.

SpreadYourHappiness · 05/04/2017 21:45

YABVU. This is NOT normal; it's far too much and very dangerous. You'll be doing irreparable damage to your liver.

Stop before it's too late.

Original poster
user1491413344 · 05/04/2017 21:49

OK so not normal. Will need to stop.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1491413344 · 05/04/2017 21:49

thanks to everyone who sent me nice pms. will get back soonn.

OP posts:
booitsme · 05/04/2017 21:52

Instasista I disagree and have a great deal of knowledge in this area as a relative and within my professional life. This is not 'moderate' drinking and you do minimise it by saying it is. Women's livers just can't tolerate drinking at this sustained level. You are right the liver can rejuvenate with abstinence and that's what most people are advocating - but please don't call one bottle of wine a night moderate. im sorry if my experience which I shared earlier is scary and feels like scaremongering - but it's reality. It's vital to nip this in the bud and the first step is accepting there's a problem - I know that someone in this position may want to cling to comments that it's moderate - it's honestly not!

Original poster
user1491413344 · 05/04/2017 21:54

You see I have already drank my bottle of wine. I Am not drunk but I do feel like shit.

I never take my time. i just glug it down.

OP posts:
booitsme · 05/04/2017 21:57

Op you are very brave and have taken a huge step admitting to yourself there's an issue. Please seek support from family or a friend and think about going to see your GP. There's no stigma. Single
Point of access 0300 777 0707 is a good resource and can offer counselling as drinking is usually indicative of self medicating due to stress, anxiety etc. Take care of yourself

childoverdraft · 05/04/2017 21:57

Dear OP - I hope you aren't too upset by some of the posters on here. There is plenty of guidance around about how many units per week is OK and how many units in a bottle of wine so it doesn't take a genius to work out that a bottle a night is not good.

I think what is not always clear is how much of a depressant alcohol can be. I too have drunk quite a lot of wine in my day and used to use it to relieve the boredom and mundanity of a lot of the life of a mum.

However after a period of not drinking it became clear to me that actually some of this boredom and mundanity was actually being created by drinking. I was trapped in a cycle of washing/ chores/ childcare/ feeling knackered/ have a drink to feel better/ relax but in fact once I cut out the last step I found I was able to do the other steps more quickly and have more time to myself.

It took a while to work out what to do with all this new found time to myself but once the alcohol black haze lifts it is totally possible to enjoy it doing things which are far less destructive.

I recommend the Brave Babes or Dry threads on here. Even if posting on them is not your thing they have a lot of links to other blogs which are inspiring. But the most inspiring thing IMO is just to have a day/ two days/ one week off and see a glimmer of light.

FruitCider · 05/04/2017 21:58

You are drinking 49 - 75 units a week. The recommendation for women is 14 a week.

As a detox nurse, I think you are drinking way too much. Are you sober enough in the morning to even drive to work? Please tell me you don't drive in the morning with children in the car?

Cagliostro · 05/04/2017 21:59

You can do it OP 💐 You've taken a big step asking on here and that's to be applauded.

childoverdraft · 05/04/2017 22:00

PS - Having a day off might seem hard but you can do it. Honestly AA sounds a load of mumbo jumbo sometimes but one day at a time is quite a good plan.

FruitCider · 05/04/2017 22:01

OP you probably need a medical detox if you want to stop drinking. Please do not stop cold turkey. It's actually quite dangerous

Flowers
Lunalovepud · 05/04/2017 22:02

As the daughter of an alcoholic and a problem drinker, please get help for yourself and for any DC you have.

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