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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about topless sunbathing?

281 replies

Belle1102 · 05/04/2017 15:32

Topless sunbathing on holiday can be just about tolerated. I, myself, have done it on occasion if the General vibe of the place seems totally laid back about it.
AIBU to be annoyed about the woman next door to me walking around her garden in nothing but a tiny thong with her huge fake boobs out?! I don't want to be looking at her practically naked body when I'm wanting to go into my garden. Plus my DP will get an eyeful of her too which will make me feel a bit shit. And whose to say that the neighbour's on the other side of her house two little boys won't get an eyeful too.
People can do what they want in their own homes and gardens, but here is nothing but a very low fence separating us and she is only about 1 meter away from my living room window Angry

OP posts:
birdspooping · 06/04/2017 21:29

I agree with you OP, I think it's outrageous and can't believe how many people disagree and are denying the double standards because of the 'men are more likely to be predators' trope.

I agree that parents should encourage a confident body image, but they should be able to control when and where their children see naked strangers' bodies. A few months ago there was a post about an adolescent girl not wanting her dad to walk around naked and people cried 'she feels uncomfortable, don't do it'. How is this different? The woman doesn't know who she might be unwittingly upsetting.

birdspooping · 06/04/2017 21:46

To the 'well don't look out of your window if you don't like it' people, if a child happens to look out once and see their first naked body other than their parents, it can be quite a shock and is a pivotal moment.

To be fair, my second look at a penis apart from my dad's was a man hanging out of a car in Italy masterbating, so that's not a good comparison. But I also would have been shocked and felt awkward about seeing a naked woman or a man in the neighbours garden as well (obviously not as much but you get the idea).

Huskylover1 · 06/04/2017 21:52

Hmm, and to all the "it's just a body" posters, well yeah, and it would still just be a body if masturbating, so is that ok?

MaidOfStars · 06/04/2017 21:52

I have no idea when I saw my third penis (after my Dad and my brother). Pivotal moment??

MaisyPops · 06/04/2017 21:55

Each to their own really.

Personally if she had shorts/bikini bottoms on thrn its no different to men wandering around topless (just because I think that the beach/pool is really the only space fro that doesnt mean i can judge others).

Wearing nothing but a thong in a residential over looked garden i just find weird. Im not a fan of "dont like it dont look out your windows". Id much rather people just considered the contex for almost nudity and adjuated accordingly. E.g. non overlooked/minimally overlooked garden, do whatever. When you have neighboughs be considerate.

SarcasmMode · 06/04/2017 21:59

Wouldn't bother me.

Breasts aren't obscene.

It says more about your hang ups than anything else.

WhooooAmI24601 · 06/04/2017 22:03

I'm alright with children seeing the neighbours topless if that's what they want to do. We're a bit laid-back about nudity, generally, though I have had to bring about a "We Wear Pants At The Table" rule when DS2 decided to take against underwear (or in fact anything on his bottom half) for a while.

I think it's only a pivotal moment if you make it one and breasts are just breasts regardless of their real-or-fake situation.

ShatnersBassoon · 06/04/2017 22:15

I keep thinking of Patrick Stewart in Extras.

I don't think it really happened as the op described either. It all escalated very quickly when nobody was that outraged about topless sunbathing. Suddenly it was naked, shaven, legs akimbo, two feet from the only place the op could sit, in her direct sight when it was physically impossible to avert her gaze.

To be annoyed about topless sunbathing?
NerrSnerr · 06/04/2017 22:30

I remember being on holiday as a young child (about 7 or so) and seeing some nudists. We had a bit of a quiet giggle and got on with our day. No one was traumatised. It was just people with no clothes on. We're all naked under our clothes.

FairytalesAreBullshit · 06/04/2017 22:34

It's a bit unorthodox, I've sunbathed topless in the garden, we've got 5ft fences and a massive hedge, so neighbours can look if they want.

It seems like you're worrying about your DP having a sneaky peak, but it shouldn't be a worry, he's got you.

For all you know the children could be used to their Mum & Dad being naked.

Have a word if it makes you feel better, I don't think she's obliged to do anything though.

Iamastonished · 06/04/2017 22:36

I'm not sure that the responses on here would be representative of the general population.

I wouldn't be shocked or outraged, but I do think the NDN was attention seeking.

user1489261248 · 06/04/2017 22:38

Not read much of the thread, but I am on the OP's side here. It would piss me off too. Topless sunbathing is OK on the beach/on the continent, but not in your fucking back garden where neighbours can see you!

Bollocks to 'it's a free country!' It's not acceptable...

YANBU.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 06/04/2017 22:46

Your NDN sounds like a complete exhibitionist. If you have a secluded area, fine, take your kit off, whether male or female. If you are clearly overlooked as the OP described it's all about attention seeking.

Keep your clothes on in public. In the sauna? Fine. On a beach in the Med? Fine? On a beach in the North of Scotland? Laugh and point. Likewise in a garden in Nottingham in early April. Laugh and point.

I don't think there is something 'wrong' with boobs, or bottoms. But I really don't want to be sitting at my desk in the window overlooking the garden and see someone else's arse. Bald or hairy.

I'm with the earlier poster calling for A Bit More Decorum. Otherwise ask her to pay you damages for emotional trauma. In Gin.

user1489261248 · 06/04/2017 22:49

As I said, I have not read all the thread, but I am willing to bet that the woman who shows off her baps is single. Grin

user1489261248 · 06/04/2017 22:51

I don't think there is something 'wrong' with boobs, or bottoms. But I really don't want to be sitting at my desk in the window overlooking the garden and see someone else's arse. Bald or hairy.

This ^

Like you, I am no prude, but It's just so weird, wanting to show off your baps or arse to your neighbour.

I am guessing she is single, because no married woman would be showing off like this...

FairytalesAreBullshit · 06/04/2017 22:58

Another thought, if you go round you're biting to her possible provocation, so could make things worse.

SoulAccount · 06/04/2017 23:12

"and it would still just be a body if masturbating, so is that ok?"

No, because that wouldn't just be a body, that would be behavior. Sexual behaviour. The body: fine. The behaviour: no.

SoulAccount · 06/04/2017 23:15

"I am guessing she is single, because no married woman would be showing off like this..."

Do married women go straight into purdah? Is that it?

LordScuttlebutt · 07/04/2017 07:52

I am guessing she is single, because no married woman would be showing off like this...

*Haven't you heard of naturist couples/families?

*Some husbands keep their clothes on but love their wives showing off their bodies.

ArseyTussle · 07/04/2017 07:57

Perhaps those of us who are co-habiting only get one out.

I'm with you OP, it's a bit OTT when you're so overlooked. I wouldn't be bothered about topless sunbathing, but if it's as you've described and it's vulvas a-go-go amongst the tulips I'd be a bit weirded out.

hesterton · 07/04/2017 08:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 07/04/2017 08:32

OP...

  1. You need a higher fence obvs.

  2. It's perfectly normal to sunbathe in any state you like in your own garden, if people don't like it then they shouldn't be staring in my garden!

3)I sunbathed topless for a little bit yesterday. It was only 15 here (se) but we have a south facing (fully enclosed btw) garden which really heats up even at this time of year.

  1. No wonder we have such a problem with vitamin D deficiency in this country, if no one can bare all, even in their own garden for fear of pearl clutchers/ curtain twitchers!

  2. In Scandi countries it is perfectly normal to be naked in all sorts of public/family situations. We really are weirdly hung up about normal naked bodies in this country.

EnormousTiger · 07/04/2017 08:35

When it's warm enough I am outside just about every day for at least 10 minutes topless by the way (in my garden). I don't think it would be that easy to see me and I am lying down having a short rest after lunch rather than mowing the grass.

When on holiday we do what is acceptable where we are - eg nudist beach near our hotel in Jamaica (it had a security guard provided by the hotel at the entrance to it!) and some countries women can sunbathe topless and others it's not accepted. Best to go with the flow abroad rather than spend the rest of your life in a foreign prison. Our parents always took us out wild swimming and my father would strip off in isolated lakes.

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 07/04/2017 08:37

Oh and 6) Whether fake (how do you know she didn't have masectomy btw)/ natural/ big/ small/ saggy or pointing to the moon, breast are perfectly normal things.
Half the population have them, there is nothing mystical or rude about them.
They are feeding machines with the added bonus of adding some fun to the sex!

They are just boobs.
We need to stop placing so much sexual emphasis on normal, healthy nudity.
Being naked is constantly conflated with sex, which is not healthy at all.
Naked can just be for nakeds sake, or do all the pearl clutchers here think that naturists are all secretly massively aroused all the time?

I love air round me bits, and my garden is the place I can do that with bugging people!

Screwinthetuna · 07/04/2017 08:46

Get one of those bamboo fences that go over your fence. Can't stop her doing that in her own garden but I can understand why you'd not want to see her boobs, especially if you have guests over etc.
However, surely she doesn't do it all the time? It's pretty cold in England at the moment...how is she warm enough!?
You could always try an alternative and get your husband to walk around with his penis on show, see she likes that Wink

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