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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I U to wear the same outfit to two weddings?

405 replies

GameOldBirdz · 04/04/2017 09:16

Since Christmas, I've been to four weddings. I'm that age where everyone I know is getting married!

I wore the same outfit to three of these weddings. Two of these same-outfit weddings were the same crowd of people- family. My cousin, who was at both family same-outfit weddings, sent me a load of photographs yesterday and said in the email "It's a shame you couldn't be bothered to wear something different".

I replied to thank her for sending and said "I'm sorry if I offended you recycling my outfit, I'm cheap Wink". We have a good relationship, we're friends, I thought she'd take this in good humour. But no, she sent a massive paragraph saying I was disrespectful, that it was very bad show, it was rude and that if I didn't want to go I should have declined the invitation rather than turn up inappropriately dressed (her words).

I did want to go to both weddings, it wasn't remotely meant as a 'fuck you' to the couple getting married. I told my mum about it and she agreed with my cousin that it was inappropriate.

So now I'm doubting myself and worried that I've made a massive faux pas and that everyone hates me?

So, was I being unreasonable to recycle the outfit? I should say that I did use a different bag/ accessories for both weddings but the basic outfit was the same.

OP posts:
Absintheshots · 04/04/2017 13:44

Rayna37

WHY but why is it disrespectful? Why do you need to wear something new to show any kind of respect? Who on earth cares? Do you actually take note of all the guests outfits to compare next time you see them, ready to call them out if you have seen it before? Will you actually start an argument at someone else wedding because of a skirt?

You must be so much fun at weddings and parties, do you take bookings?

Please do tell us more about your own wedding and the requirements for the guests, I am guessing it was in Maui?

floraeasy · 04/04/2017 13:46

"I'm sorry if I offended you recycling my outfit, I'm cheap wink". We have a good relationship, we're friends, I thought she'd take this in good humour. But no, she sent a massive paragraph saying I was disrespectful, that it was very bad show, it was rude and that if I didn't want to go I should have declined the invitation rather than turn up inappropriately dressed (her words)

Late to the party (wearing the same dress I wore to last party!) Smile

This woman is crackers.

I would distance myself from her, only reconsidering if you get an apology and a plausible excuse such as post-wedding-stress-disorder.

But really! What a way to treat a guest who has taken time, trouble and money to attend her wedding...!

AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads · 04/04/2017 13:50

The only people I knew for sure that got new outfits for my wedding were myself, my bridesmaids, my DH (aforementioned wedding/funeral suit) and my mum.

I literally have no idea whether any of my other guests bought new outfits or wore existing ones. But I don't care. They came and had a few drinks with us and celebrated. That, to me, is the opposite of disrespectful.

Original poster
GameOldBirdz · 04/04/2017 13:52

Madwomans Yes, that's really true. When me and DH got married, we had jeans, register office, no rings, no flowers, no gifts. People were very put out by it, angry almost. As if us choosing to do it that way was undermining the "right" way that they'd done it.

OP posts:
BeanSprout79 · 04/04/2017 14:00

She needs to get over herself and be thankful you went to her wedding. Rude woman.

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 04/04/2017 14:02

Absinthe, I think Rayna was juuuuuust maybe being a tiny bit sarcastic, slightly.

Original poster
GameOldBirdz · 04/04/2017 14:04

I should say, it wasn't her wedding. Neither of the two weddings she was at were her weddings. She was just a guest, the same as me.

OP posts:
EatsShitAndLeaves · 04/04/2017 14:04

I've recycled wedding outfits many times.

I'm lucky that I could have bought a new outfit every time - but in terms of my lifestyle, the only time I'd dress up in that type of outfit was generally at a another wedding.

When in "peak wedding years" - where everyone you know seems to be getting married - I'd have ended up with a wardrobe of clothes that would only have EVER been worn once - with no space for anything else then donated them to charity 5 years later because they were dated and taking up hanging space.

Unless you are part of the main wedding party I don't understand why you wouldn't re-cycle a lovely outfit. You can style it differently with accessories etc if you wanted but it's not mandatory.

I'd much rather my guests wore something they already owned and had worn many times before that they looked good in and felt great about than spend money on another outfit they didn't want/need.

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 04/04/2017 14:05

Wait. Sorry. I have massively garbled that in my head. Absinthe, my apologies - as you were. I somehow thought you were replying to Metalheads. It's 2pm, I haven't eaten lunch yet, and I am passing out from chip deprivation.

Rayna37 · 04/04/2017 14:06

Just posted for balance as I seemed to be in the different camp to most others. Of course outfits don't have to be new and I wouldn't dream of buying anything I'd only wear once. I also said I'd never call anyone out on it, I was horrified by what your cousin did. I just thought it was more the norm to vary with the same people for big events. E.g. 3 friends from university married over a 5 year year period, I think all 5 of us from that group had different dresses for each. However in my case at least those dresses were also worn for at least one other wedding, a party, a birthday/celebration meal, maybe something like the races, holidays etc. I wore a dress from 10 years ago to a party this Christmas which had been worn plenty in between then and now; just not to the same event. Possibly this just means I'm not very fashionable!

ethelfleda · 04/04/2017 14:07

That is bloody pathetic!!! Of course YANBU! I told people to wear whatever they felt comfortable/happy in to my wedding as it was more important to me that people relaxed and enjoyed themselves rather than worrying about pointless shite like This!

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 04/04/2017 14:07

Wait she was a GUEST?? I mean, I could slightly get it if she was the bride (I still don't think it would be okay) but she is a guest policing what the other GUESTS are wearing now??

There's some kind of control freakery going on there. Time to draw a few deep, clear lines in the sad, I think.

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 04/04/2017 14:09

I hope your cousin is planning to marry soon, OP. I beg you to turn up to her wedding in the same outfit again.

Original poster
GameOldBirdz · 04/04/2017 14:26

ForTheSake Yes, she was a guest. A regular guest. She's been dating a bloke for a few years but there's been no talk of marriage yet. If she does, I'll definitely wear the jumpsuit.

OP posts:
Increasinglymiddleaged · 04/04/2017 14:31

I was horrified by what your cousin did

Horrified really...? Hahaha she only wore the same dress twice, you must lead a very charmed life.

milkmoustache · 04/04/2017 14:31

I have only just learned, thanks to this thread, that what I thought was "wearing my clothes more than once" was in fact the terrible act of "recycling my outfit". I bow my head in shame.

EatsShitAndLeaves · 04/04/2017 14:32

Maybe you should also loan your outfit to other people for weddings and send a postcard to your cousin for each one - a bit like the school teddy that goes on holiday with different children in the class Grin

SirVixofVixHall · 04/04/2017 14:33

Years ago most people, would have one outfit for formal occasions. Many older people still do. Ridiculous to suggest that it is bad manners to wear the same thing to two weddings, it is bad manners to comment on someone's outfit unless they were in a wedding dress/bikini/full funeral black...! You have not been rude, but your cousin has.

floraeasy · 04/04/2017 14:34

Jerry is puzzled because he can't figure out why the girl he is dating seems to be wearing the same dress every time he sees her. From Seinfeld (Season 7, Episode 13).

There's a Seinfeld episode for everything!

Madwomans · 04/04/2017 14:40

Horrified really...? Hahaha she only wore the same dress twice, you must lead a very charmed life.

I think you're misunderstanding. That poster was horrified at the cousin's rudeness in pulling the OP up on wearing the same outfit twice, not at the outfit being reworn.

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 04/04/2017 14:42

Wow...I think I've heard it all now! Fellow guests at a wedding even remembering what the others wore to previous weddings?

I was not under the impression anyone gave a shit. Unless it was a guest in an actual bridal gown.

Yanbu, obviously. Anyone who gets worked up about something so trivial is pathetic.

Original poster
GameOldBirdz · 04/04/2017 14:50

I'm not sure she remembered as such.

She was "curating" (her word) some photos from the two weddings and sending them out to people and I think noticed that I was wearing the same outfit.

She certainly didn't comment on it at the second wedding.

Before you ask, I have no idea why she was "curating" photos.I think most people had their own photographs, there are lots on social media. But she felt the need to send hers out to everyone. She's bonkers. Very centre-of-attention type.

OP posts:
acquiescence · 04/04/2017 14:50

Your cousin sounds totally weird to have a go at you about this and in no way we're ybu with your outfit choice.

I am not at all into clothes and feel the whole outfit finding thing is a hassle, but I wouldn't consider wearing the same dress to 2 weddings with a similar crowd, I can't really justify why though! Which is why I think yanbu. I have 2 weddings coming up with completely different friendship groups and will be wearing the same outfit to both.

TheWalkingTiger · 04/04/2017 15:00

YANBU. It's so unfair women have to buy a whole new outfit for everything.

I've got loads of weddings and celebration dos coming up this year. Going to buy a very simple trouser suit. Will also get different tops/shoes/accessories to ring the changes as needed- they'll be things I'll get other use out of too.

CactusFred · 04/04/2017 15:04

FFS she's. ring utterly unreasonable and so is your mum!

Wear what you want. If they want to bankrupt themselves buying new for each wedding their problem!