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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I U to wear the same outfit to two weddings?

405 replies

GameOldBirdz · 04/04/2017 09:16

Since Christmas, I've been to four weddings. I'm that age where everyone I know is getting married!

I wore the same outfit to three of these weddings. Two of these same-outfit weddings were the same crowd of people- family. My cousin, who was at both family same-outfit weddings, sent me a load of photographs yesterday and said in the email "It's a shame you couldn't be bothered to wear something different".

I replied to thank her for sending and said "I'm sorry if I offended you recycling my outfit, I'm cheap Wink". We have a good relationship, we're friends, I thought she'd take this in good humour. But no, she sent a massive paragraph saying I was disrespectful, that it was very bad show, it was rude and that if I didn't want to go I should have declined the invitation rather than turn up inappropriately dressed (her words).

I did want to go to both weddings, it wasn't remotely meant as a 'fuck you' to the couple getting married. I told my mum about it and she agreed with my cousin that it was inappropriate.

So now I'm doubting myself and worried that I've made a massive faux pas and that everyone hates me?

So, was I being unreasonable to recycle the outfit? I should say that I did use a different bag/ accessories for both weddings but the basic outfit was the same.

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 04/04/2017 12:46

I'm not bothered about jumpsuits which is probably a good thing because if I tried to wear one in a situation where alcohol was involved there would probably a toilet accident sooner or later.

Yes, alltouchedout, it has been mentioned several times that men are free to wear the same suit every day of their entire adult lives if they so wish and no-one will notice or care.

Kiroro · 04/04/2017 12:53

The only time is it wrong to wear a dress a second time to a wedding if the first time you wore it was at your own wedding and it was a big white meringue

^THIS

I wear outfits on a bit of a recycle basis - probably do try to mix up different groups but if I have two summer weddings I'm not going to buy two new outfits!

Rayna37 · 04/04/2017 12:58

I wouldn't wear the same thing to two weddings that were with the same group of people (unless special circumstances e.g. maternity wear, student with no real income). I think if you've had plenty of notice and are a guest for the full day (not just an evening do) it's a bit disrespectful somehow to not make the effort, doesn't have to cost the earth and different accessories can cost more than a new dress. I'd suggest going for something that doesn't exclusively scream wedding so you can wear it again if cost is the main issue.
However I certainly wouldn't call anyone out on it and I would think a man who wore the exact same suit/shirt/tie combo was equally as "bad" as a woman wearing the same outfit.

Kittykatclaws · 04/04/2017 13:00

Can't wait for the update Grin

Floggingmolly · 04/04/2017 13:01

Disrespectful, again... Confused. Do people appreciate all this respect you show them by wearing different outfits they very probably don't even notice, Rayna, do you think?

seafoodeatit · 04/04/2017 13:03

She's a rude cow!

I'm facing a wedding dilemma myself, I have one that I bought for a wedding last summer, I have two weddings this year, both with the same people attending again (family wedding), I've been feeling pressure to buy something new for both but this thread has given me confidence to just wear the one I have.

morningconstitutional2017 · 04/04/2017 13:03

Giving this more thought, this reminds me of a wedding MIL went to a few years ago. Her other DIL drove her into town to buy a special dress for said event but she couldn't find anything in the right price bracket which she liked.

Therefore she pulled out a perfectly reasonable smart 'dressy' dress from the wardrobe which was around fifteen years old and wore that. When she showed me the photos she mentioned that she, "didn't tell a soul" - her mortification couldn't have been worse if she'd been accused of torturing a kitten. So I think it's maybe a generation thing.

BarbaraofSeville · 04/04/2017 13:05

I don't understand how wearing something that you have worn before could be considered disrespectful or not making an effort.

It's not a cost issue, it's simply that it is totally ridiculous to see anything wrong with wearing an outfit more than once.

Even more so that it seems to be something that applies only to women when men can wear the same suit as many times as they like.

talksensetome · 04/04/2017 13:17

As long as you don't drip feed that the first wedding was your own and the outfit in question was your wedding dress, then your cousin is being a loon.

Original poster
GameOldBirdz · 04/04/2017 13:21

I could've afforded to buy something new for each of the four weddings but it just didn't cross my mind. I had a perfectly serviceable outfit so why would I buy something new just for the sake of it. I didn't even think to buy anything new.

I recycle all my other clothes obviously so why would this be any different.

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 04/04/2017 13:23

What is it with the word "disrespectful"?
It's disrespectful to criticise other people's clothes

Original poster
GameOldBirdz · 04/04/2017 13:24

I've just about mastered the art of toilets in the jumpsuit. The first wedding we went to where I wore it (a friend's, my cousin wasn't there), I had some real problems and DH had to help me in the disabled loo.

When we came out, one of the grooms (it was a same-sex wedding) spotted us and told everyone we'd been for a dirty quickie. I told people we'd been together in the toilet because I couldn't get myself out of my clothes and DH had to help me. I don't know which was more embarrassing Blush

OP posts:
smearedinfood · 04/04/2017 13:25

This

"What isn't good manners is finger-wagging at someone because they don't waste money on extra clothes they don't want or need."

mugginsalert · 04/04/2017 13:30

I don't understand why some people sour the aftermath of a good event by forcing people to engage with their critiques of people's involvement. It's like they have to retrospectively put their stamp on the event and make it about them. In my opinion, that is disrespectful.

Wearing the same, appropriate, outfit shouldn't merit a comment apart from compliments on the day.

Original poster
GameOldBirdz · 04/04/2017 13:32

muggins I think you're right. My cousin is quite controlling and likes things to be about her. I wonder if that's what she's doing here. Hmmm.

OP posts:
Funnyonion17 · 04/04/2017 13:33

If you haven't already done so (not read the full thread) then i would make a point of standing upto her if i was you. How dare she think she can lecture you on what to wear etc. I had people turn up at my wedding looking a bit unkept and my own sister wore something very unwedding like. But ya know what, yea i noticed but i didn't care. People don't have an unlimited source of money and after gifts, drinks, travel and so on ya know yaself it gets costly. If your cousin isn't yet married yet, I'd bet she's going to be a nightmare if she does marry.

Also, her making the effort to group together pics for u might not be as innocent as it seems, it could be her way of starting the initial bitchiness by providing the evidence and dressing it up as doing you a favour with pics. I mean who does that with pics, i tag people on Facebook etc but i don't make it my personal responsibility to distribute them.

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 04/04/2017 13:34

Wow. I may have given repeated offence over the course of years then. My wardrobe of fine clothes is extremely limited, along with my patience for finding anything else that I look nice in.

Weird to me that your cousin was more bothered about the clothes than the body that turned up in them.

Hippee · 04/04/2017 13:34

If it was me, I would wear my pyjamas to meet your cousin - then you can really freak her out.

KoalaDownUnder · 04/04/2017 13:35

I think if you've had plenty of notice and are a guest for the full day (not just an evening do) it's a bit disrespectful somehow to not make the effort,

This makes absolutely no sense. Confused You think it shows that you 'respect' the hosts more if you spend money on new clothes? For real??

RaspberryOverloadsOnChilli · 04/04/2017 13:37

Rayna37 Tue 04-Apr-17 12:58:22

I wouldn't wear the same thing to two weddings that were with the same group of people (unless special circumstances e.g. maternity wear, student with no real income). I think if you've had plenty of notice and are a guest for the full day (not just an evening do) it's a bit disrespectful somehow to not make the effort

Of course it isn't disrespectful. Even the Queen recycles her outfits.

Being disrespectful is saying you'll turn up and then don't just because you had a better offer (yes, a friend had that one), or maybe turning up in barely any clothes at all (as I saw last year).

If the OP is turning up in clean,tidy and adequate clothing, then that is respectful enough. the idea of buying a new outfit for each wedding is relatively recent and has nothing to do with respect. Especially when this new outfit buying is primarily women, as most blokes I know simply have just one or two suits that they recycle for these events.

If it's good enough for the blokes, it's good enough for the women.

Madwomans · 04/04/2017 13:38

I've noticed people get terribly cross about other people who go to less trouble to do something the cross people feel should be compulsory, because they did it themselves and fear other people are Taking the Easy Way Out.

I noticed this when we got married (jeans, registry office, no rings, no flowers/photos/ guests, just two witnesses and tapas and champagne afterwards) - it wasn't that people felt they should have been invited so much that they made it clear that it wasn't fair we hadn't had the amount of stress/expense etc they had when they spent £20k on a massive 200-person hotel do. They did it, so we have to do it.

Your weirdo cousin is just resentful that you opted not to toddle off around a series of sweaty changing rooms, whereas she did, and it's Clearly Not Fair, and she wants to make damn sure you realise you didn't get away with it -- she noticed.

ArcheryAnnie · 04/04/2017 13:39

Your cousin is absolutely barking.

Clothes are not a one-use item.

Madwomans · 04/04/2017 13:40

Do explain why it's 'disrespectful', Rayna -- are you one of the people who resents other people who opt not to put themselves through non-compulsory life hoops that you've jumped through?

Original poster
GameOldBirdz · 04/04/2017 13:42

Yeah, I don't really get the idea of it being disrespectful.

I assume she means disrespectful to the couple getting married because I don't think they/their wedding are important enough to buy a new outfit for.

OP posts:
AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads · 04/04/2017 13:44

My kids wear the same outfits to school every day. And it's not just them. The whole school are at it.

It's just so disrespectful.

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